On Being the Bad Guy

In dealing with the trials & tantrums of a pre-schooler, keeping in mind that the issue as the child sees it is a big hairy deal helps! Presenting a united parental front is also very important. My husband & I engaged in a good cop/ bad cop parenting style as our children got a bit older which worked beautifully & allowed us to trade off being the heavy.

I couldn't agree more with this! I have seen what happens when children have no boundaries. It's scary and not only for the child but for the parents as well. If you are having a hard time raising your child when they are so little, how do you think it's going to go as they get older? I set limits for my children and I am not always the good guy but like you said, in the long run it's completely worth it. I was getting breakfast the other morning and had my hands full with my baby, my daughters hand and our meal. I was making my way to the door when the sweetest boy who couldn't have been any older than 12 came over to open the door for me. He did this on his own...his mother didn't ask him to. I said thank you and received a warm your welcome. It made me so happy that this child had such great manners! This puts it all into perspective for me. Some days may not be easy but there are more good days than bad. Patience is key and if that fails there is always nana ;)

It's awesome to see a parent's perspective on the blog here. I am 37 weeks pregnant and expecting a little girl any day now - thanks for the advice!

I don't think any parent who is truly honest w themselves can say they always know what to do. Each child is different, each situation is different, and a parent gets along w ea one differently. Sometimes one approach works, and the next time you have to figure something else out. For us, it sometimes works to remove the babies from the situation. And then w had a stubborn one. For us, it often works to offer options to the older ones. "would you like to go to bed now, our in 5 min?" But then we had one that goes boneless and always chooses "nothing! I wanna do nothing." But the one thing that never ever changes is that w always remain united and support ea other. If we disagree w how the other is handling a child, we talk about out later, away from little ears!

THANK YOU. There is too much to learn as a parent and to come to terms with "being the bad guy." I'm thrilled that you are thinking so long term and are not afraid of coaching your son to be an exceptional little man!

It's not being a bad guy, it's being a parent! Is he getting a nap every day? That can help. At the age of 3 my son fought against taking one, but after 10 minutes finally fell asleep. It made a world of difference. Nothing worse than a cranky toddler.

My kids are college age now but I well remember the days of crying and tantrums. I was so glad when they were better able to articulate what they were feeling instead of communicating by emotional outbursts! (but then the endless arguing starts instead! lol, it's always something) We were not very strict parents about most things, so when we were strict we really meant it. I found that most tantrums started when they were tired, hungry, getting sick, or stressed by preschool or other challenges. Sometimes they had to vent that way. I liked to give small choices instead of laying down the law...i.e. bath now or in 5 minutes? red shirt or blue? and so on. Giving them some sense of control and choice can help reduce conflicts. Our main decision was to not use physical punishment, and to always treat them with the respect we also expected (and required) from them. After years of homeschooling, adventures, and ups and downs like any family, we have intelligent, polite, talented young adults in college. Couldn't be prouder. All kids are different...just try to be willing to adjust your thinking, apologize to them when you make a mistake, be flexible when you can...set the example for them of what matters most to you about being a good person in the world. That's my advice, if it helps. Best wishes to you and your family...enjoy every minute you can! It goes by all too quickly.

Child rearing is not for the faint of heart! It takes brass balls.

As a mom of five, I can tell you that the process of setting limits never becomes easy. Even when your children are adults and self-sufficient, you will still be tempted to speak to them about boundaries. I think the most important piece of advice that any parent can give another is this: do what you feel is the right thing in re to settling limits and try not to worry that every action (or inaction) you take is going to cause the child to become an adult you would not want to have as a friend.

I always remember..."choose your battles".

I'm not alone! Thank you for sharing your ideas. My son is 2 years old and sometimes I feel like you. When I'm on those situations when he has a tantrums in public I just try to for a nanosecond -one second is too long- to relax my body and mind, be firm and verbalize to him what I'm looking for without long conversation. Yes, it's hard to do it but works!

Parenting is probably the most rewarding yet most difficult thing I have done. It requires patience and a selfless attitude. You are so right to address those trantrum issues now. When you find your patience slipping, count to ten. It really helps!

I think the biggest thing you can do is start the disipline from Day ONE! Too many parents wait until the child is 6 or 7 and that's too late because now they are learning from thier piers in school - and we know most of those children will never have disipline. We got a lot of our idea from watching "Super Nanny." Joe is creative and has a lot of ideas that work. And like she says "you have to stick to your guns!" There have been times where I flew off the handle and came down with a consequence that looking back was a little over the top. I still had to go through with it, because I said it. Sometimes I modified it on the fly, but there was still a consequence and to this day, a stern look means "NO!" With us, its 1. Be Consistant, 2. Be on the same page with EVERYONE who is helping with the disipline, 3. Follow Through, 4. Love Lots! We have always talked about the what and why with our son, and I'm blessed because he's an "easy" child, but communication will help them understand the why (eventually) and also sets up a safe environment for the child to come to you when, God forbid, anything really serious comes up. Good luck to all the new parents!

Sitting here smiling, nodding and glad my twins are grown.

This is a fun topic. Setting limits with a three year especially a... wait I have to go ... set limits with my three year old who just got a hold of my camera tripod and proceeded to take it over to the couch and was about to use it as a improvised pole vault. Parenting is a difficult but rewarding job and understanding things from your kids point of view is even harder. Count to ten is a great technique KathyG it gets the mad out when you find someone on the top counter for the fourteenth time. Thanks for blog post, it gave me a moment to appreciate being a dad.

I'm glad I'm not alone and that others out there are going through the same things with their children!

I'm 22, and my friends and I have already begun to notice the changes in younger generations, particularly those in fourth, fifth, and sixth grade. Where we were terrified of not doing our homework, of being told on, of getting in any trouble at all, kids now don't seem to care. They abuse each other in ways our teachers would never have tolerated. We constantly wonder when parents stopped being parents, especially now that we're becoming the educators and have to meet with them. On top of the attitudes we see how they're dating younger and younger. When we were in fifth grade, we watched cartoons and had pool parties. None of us were seeing anyone or hung up on romance. It's scary, and we're genuinely afraid of what these kids are going to turn into if their parents don't start reeling them in. Not that we're complete angels ourselves, but there's a definite sense that we understand something they don't, like we had something they didn't. I completely agree that limits should be set, parents should (in some ways) be tough, and to always keep in mind that this will make them a better person. I may be young, but man. We're definitely seeing how it all paid off.

You said "When Miles is crying at the playground and all of the other kids are playing peacefully, it becomes easy to compare him to them" and the important thing to remember is not even that every kid has tantrums (even though, yes, most do) but that every child is different. Every child has their very own unique personality, demeanor, sense of humor, sensitivities, and makeup that is not at all a direct correlation of parenting style, but their own dna that makes them who they are. I think most people with siblings can attest to this. My sisters, brother and I are all so very different. Yet, we all grew up in the same house. That's because we are not robots, we are people. And people are unique.

I have two and I try to be consistent but it does get difficult. You hope what your doing works in the long run. Hard when they're toddlers--- only time will tell :)

I think the most important thing to remember is that we are our children's parents - not their friends. It is difficult to know they are angry at you, or don't like you in the moment, but so important to remember that distinction.

My mom used to make me write sentences. I think it worked well because I had lots of time to practice my handwriting. :) I also wasn't allowed to do anything else until it was done, so the pressure was on to get my punishment over with!

Our kids have had firm boundaries since they were very young. It is important to instil respect and consideration of others first. It is also important to understand the reality of what children are capable of understanding and their thought process. It is widely known that even teens are unable to fully comprehend the cause and effect of their actions, until their brains are fully developed. If you don't show your child the limits and boundaries as a child your are going to have a heck of time trying to get them to learn it when they are older - children learn what they live and boundaries offer comfort through out the ages.

If you stay as consistent as any exhausted parent can be about enforcing rules and good behavior early on, eventually it starts getting easier as kids hit age 4, 5, 6 and above. My kids occasionally bicker with each other, but I also get compliments from people that they are well-behaved. The better my kids behave, the more fun we have as a family, and the less I have to be “the bad guy.”

Great article! Mine are adults and your stance on what you want them to be as adults is important!! Hold that vision for them Daddio they will appreciate you for it when they become the adult.

As a mother of 2 teenagers and somewhat more "strict" then my husband, I was and still am the "bad guy" most of the time. It is not easy and not pleasant. My children were well spoken from a very early age so I had to endure endless discussions and strings of "but why?"and"why not?". But when my 15 years old girl went on a vacation with a friend and her family, she was appalled about how spoiled and rude to her family her friend was and she texted me: " You have raised me too well!". That made it all worth it!

As parents you invest what you think is worth it for the long term results. Teaching cause and effect to help your child develop socially appropriate behaviors that will help to serve them and their community is worth all the tantrums. I fear that the days of helicopter parenting are now being replaced by bulldozer parents who remove all obstacles out of their child's way which is a frightening thing considering what kinds of adults those kids will become... The world needs to be balanced by parents like yourself!

that is so funny, i used to fall aslepp in the middle, on top of, under, and tangled in my avalanche of toys mid-play too and of course my mother has lots of proof. kids are so much more alike at heart than we think. you sound like wonderful parents. i don't have kids yet and probably wont for at least 10 more years if i can control it, but I've nannied for years and i already have some strong feelings of how i do and do not want them to be. unfortunately, i think we are who we are from the time we are born which accounts for why siblings raised in the same house are so vastly different but i do think you're right about please and thank yous and courage. one thing that my love and i have decided for our future children is that they will have very limited access to technology. i don't care how many kids have iphones at the age of 7, and i shudder to think of what that number it will be by the time i actually do bring people into this world, but I will NOT have my child texting or playing video games at Disneyland! It's ridiculous.

My kids are in their late twenties and I am still the bad guy. Over the years, one thing have proven true time and time again, and that is that we are not here to be our children's friends. We have the thankless and often trying job of being the voice of reason whether we want it or not. So I'm not a yes man. I'm your mother.

I teach parenting classes and learned my favorite technique from that class. I offer choices to my kids as much as possible. For example with the cookies... "Do you want one cookie or no cookies?" or "Do you want to brush your teeth or do you want me to brush your teeth?" If gives them choice and control, but what needs to happen still happens. Then the 'bad guy' part - sticking with it. When my kids tell me I'm being mean, I hear them saying 'you're being consistent and following through' and that helps. Like you said, it's all for how we want them to turn out in the end - a great focus to have!

Another mom of five here - it never gets easer :) My three oldest are grown, my youngest is a toddler, and there's still a struggle. My little one gets so angry at me, "NO, you're not supposed to tell me NO!!". Yes I am.

Caleb, please don't take this personally, but this blog doesn't belong on the front page. This might be very instructive and well written, but it has absolutely nothing to do with Etsy as a venue. This type of information is available elsewhere. There are so many worthy Etsy artisans, vendors, suppliers that should have had this space. What a shame.

Don't forget to reward good behavior as well! maybe that extra cookie because we went to be 5 minutes early wouldn't kill him or you.

this is such an amazing article! i, too, have a three year old and another 4.5 year old to boot. it can certainly be trying at this stage with the constant tantrums and intense emotions. and the fighting between the two girls...oh the fighting!! i often lose my patience and it is a constant struggle to try and remain calm and not teach them emotional outbursts! i find that it is very important (and also difficult) to figure out what sort of punishment/motivation/re-direction works best for each child. for some, a time out does the trick. for another, they see it as no big deal. that child may respond better to the taking away of privileges for example. it can be so frustrating to try and figure out what the best consequence is for each child. another difficult battle is trying to maintain a balance between keeping the high ideals and expectations i have for my children (along with the kind of person i want them to become: i.e. kind, generous, appreciative), but not holding such a firm attachment to it and tying my emotions up in it. they are still children after all! thank you for such a great insight and the great article link too. it is always comforting to know that other parents are going through the same thing. and while your own kids may seem unreasonably fussy or out to get us, it happens to all of us at one time or another and our children are perfectly normal and exactly at the stage they need to be to learn the lessons they need to learn.

Good work people! I like what I'm reading.

This article came out in the right time for me. I can see myself and my girl fighting over usage of Ipad and over going to bed. After I took her to private preschool teachers taught her some discipline and also explained to me how I should behave and control my girl more effectively.There are certain words and phrases each parent should use so kids can recognize them. Yelling and loosing my cool with my girl does not solve problems. Simple conversation as of why this is right or wrong makes her understand why I am upset much better. Here I noticed that my kid is not the only one with mood swings and demands. It is so very hard to raise a child and to explain 3-4 year old what they are doing wrong and why I have to be the bad guy. I hope all our well intentions will turn out to be useful and help our kids to grow into smart and well behaved people.

Excellent article Caleb!

Beautiful post! I do not yet have kids, but its always so great to hear others experiences to prepare myself for my own. Thanks for writing this!

You are SO right about boundaries and the safety it gives children. We forgot sometimes--especially when a child is strong willed--that they still need boundaries so they can learn self control and how to one day function in a society that's full of boundaries.

I've seen parents who have given their children boundaries, and parents who have let their children walk all over them. (I nannied a bunch of kids, and saw all kinds of parenting techniques!) One thing I have learned is that boundaries allow for growth. If children know the boundaries, and the parents enforce them (no matter how many tantrums it takes to get it understood!), the child will have a better platform for learning and creating when they are older, because they learned to listen to instruction at an early age. Things like picking up toys or understanding that "no" means "NO" might seem like small things, but when they are older, it will count. Keep up the good work!

I'd love to see you write about running a home business while simultaneously parenting young children. I see at least one post a week in the forums about parents struggling to do both and asking for advice. I think that focus would benefit many shop owners.

So interesting that this article would come up now - this has been a hot topic on my mind lately. I'm the step-parent to a 12 year old. I know parenting at any age has its challenges, but I'm facing the difficulty of coming in on a life that is already set in its ways and habits. As well, if I had children of my own, I would raise them in a very different manner, so it's difficult to reconcile my own beliefs in a context that I have very little control over. I do believe in tough parenting, however. Boundaries help a child learn respect, which will come in handy throughout all of life. Consistency is key, as children can become confused by constant fluctuations in boundaries. When paired with appropriate attention and a whole lot of love, all of these factors harmonize to create a well-balanced human. Best of luck!

Perhaps I am being a "bad guy" here.. But um - WHAT does any of this have to do with ETSY??? Nice post - but perhaps better suited for a parenting blog, not a commerce site?

I am the mother of 4 , now adult kids, and ran a large family 24 hour daycare for 22 years. That said, what does this have to do with a handmade venue? I don't get it.

Wondering the same - seems just plain odd to me.

Hi Caleb: How did your blog get on Etsy? Did you submit it somehow? Or did Etsy just find it? Could you please explain the mechanism for your blog being in such a prominent position on Etsy? Thanks

And this applies to ETSY how?? Although my children are now over 20 so they are vintage.

My son will be three in September and I've definitely noticed an attitude of rebellion settling in his mind. For the most part he is a goofy sweet little guy but his temper is short. I've been slowly learning how best to deal with his tantrums. Brushing his teeth used to be a big battle but now he actually has fun! He likes me to pretend to be his dentist and I'm looking around for "bad guys" on his teeth and brushing them away. Also I always try to acknowledge his feelings, and reassure him that I'll always be there for him. If he's angry about something I'll tell him i understand how he's feeling and that he's angry but no he can't have a cupcake for dinner. He still cries and gets mad, but he gets over it in 2 minutes. Also I think one of the most helpful things is to find a routine and stick with it. I think he feels better knowing what is going to come next. And to give him a heads up if something is going to change from what he's used to. Most certainly parenthood is a crazy hard job, but I love being his mom. :)

Great article. Boundaries are so important to a child's sense of security, really. And leading by example also helps - if you want them to say "please" and "thank you" you should say it to them, every time. Something else I would like to point out is that extreme behavior can sometimes be caused by dietary allergies and sensitivities - my older daughter was a wild child, constantly throwing tantrums and being generally unpleasant. When we switched to a diet free of artificial colors and flavors, she became a completely different child. I say this because I hope it helps someone else, the way it helped us!

More parents should think this way! Thanks for Sharing!

Interesting!

Great article! I have 3 kids (10; Boy, 7; Girl, 3.8 yr; Girl). My kids will kick and scream and fight the good fight and everytime they do so my answer to them is, "I'm not here to be your best friend or best buddy. I am here to parent you through your formative years and to be your counselor in your adult years. You don't like my answers: tough. At least I see in your eyes that I win the bad parent of the day award. So be it. I love you no matter what, now go (insert action here)." I hope they grow into caring, productive adults. We shall see. =)

I don't have any . . . but I read recently that parents spend the first couple of years teaching their child that he's the center of the universe and the next 18 bursting that bubble. Struck me as funny and true. I'm not sure that at three the why's of limitations mean much, but I think they should be explained anyway. Because in few years they'll mean almost everything.

Good article. :)

Parents really do have to do a million things to shape their children into the ideal adults. It starts with little things like manners and learning to have things in moderation. I recently read something on Narcissism and childhood (to better understand how to deal with a young man that was stalking me) and a lot of the problems more than likely stem from his upbringing as a young child. I have unknowingly met one of his parents (former drug abuser) and from what other people have told me (former friends) his parents are to blame for the man he has become today. Maybe if he was not spoiled, shown more affection and had not experienced a parents own personal demons he would not have grown up to harass me. Just a thought.

My mother used to say that to me (see Diana Keller). I have grown up to be a caring adult and somewhat productive.

And this brings me to the point that, if it wasn't for my silver smith persuit, I would be declared mentally insane by now. I have a 20 and 15 year old boy, and, the toys strewn in the middle of the night are substituted with computers and ipods! I will always be the bad guy, and proud of it:) And on another note, yes, Etsy is a commercial site, but with real people who share an interest in the personal as well as the financial. This is a blog, and doesn't impact on anyone's shops, so why the disgruntled Etsians who are criticizing the prominence of this featured article? If you don't like it, don't read it...

When my daughter was about 3 (she's 25 now), she started with the tantrums. We have a long hallway in our house. I would put her at the end of the hallway and close all the doors and say,"Okay, this is your tantrum place. You can scream and kick all you want but I have other things to do so I'll be in the other room. When you stop fussing you can come back in the other room. When she realized (usually within a few minutes) that she no longer had my attention the "fun" was over and she got herself together. Soon, the tantrums disappeared. For sleeping, I had another parent say this one thing to me that changed my attitude toward kids crying when you put them to bed. This is for toddlers still in the crib: "You must let children "grump" themselves to sleep. That is what they will do." This one statement took away the "guilt" of letting children cry before they go to sleep. I'm not talking about children who are terrified or hungry or allowing them to cry for long periods. I'm talking about grumpy crying that manipulates parents!! Hang in there-this, too, shall pass!

I'm not a parent myself, but having friends who have children has been very enlightening. I notice the parents who give in to the tantrums by giving the child lots of attention or giving them what they want, seem to have those type of episodes more often. I don't know what I would do as a parent, it's always easier to give advice if you haven't been in a situation.

Sooo glad I decided NOT to breed!

My hubby and I are planning to start trying to have kids in the next couple months. I found this article very informative! Thank you! :)

To actually be "the bad guy" I could only be bothered to read this blog post because of a thread in the etsy forums. After doing so, not unlike many of my fellow etsians, I question the relevance of this blog being published as part of the etsy blog. Why? No really, why? What does the content have to do with buying and selling on etsy? As a single person with no children and no desire to have children, I found nothing useful here. As a person with a home, an art degree, and an etsy shop, I have to wonder: why the hell is the image that accompanies this glob of words that I will generously call a blog post not something from a SHOP on etsy? How hard would it have been for whatever staff member or Juilet Gorman to run a basic search and find an etsy item with a listing image involving a crying child or a child having a tantrum? At the very least, if someone on the etsy staff had put forth a nominal effort (or hell, ANY effort) were there a listing image from an etsy shop shown and credited along with this post - you could at least pretend it was relevant. FLICKR? The image is from FLICKR? Why? No, really, why? When will the etsy blog bother to show the etsy community spirit by supporting actual etsians with actual shops and an actual interest in the site? Juliet Gorman, do you care to enlighten us? Because in a manner that is strangely quaint, I have written my comment off-the-cuff with no editing — and in the most asinine fashion possible - no ability to write in paragraphs — how dumb is that that in order to comment on a blog article I cannot write in the form of a paragraph? Answer: super dumb! Formatting idiocy aside, my comment is an editorial comment, not unlike the letters that people used to write to the editor of their small town newspapers. You know, that dying business? There seems to be a deep need to pine for things of the past on this site - like transportation by bike and unpasteurized milk that is filled with bacteria and makes people sick as though we hate technology here on the internet. So, in keeping with how letters to the editor actually traditionally work: not all opiners enjoy the content. That's honesty. This specific blog post? It was useless to me, and beyond that, I found its having been published on this blog to be questionable, hence my comment. How about highlighting it? Or, hell, I offer you the opportunity to highlight my shop, as I do have actual listings for sale here. There are other etsy shop account holders as well, people who make art - like images of children crying or throwing a tantrum - who might also wonder why you couldn't be bothered to throw them a bone and add their picture to the article. Art items — while a sizeable portion of the listings on this site — seem to be something your staff struggles (I say that generously; "struggles" would be better written as "cannot be bothered") to promote despite the depth of what is offered for sale here. How about working on that? Writing articles and posts that are appropriate and relevant to the mix of the creators in the community with the prescience of their talents in mind would be far more useful and serviceable than "blog articles" like this one.

So....anyway....I think parenting is using common sense, keeping the bigger picture in mind, and, yep, it's hard to be the "bad guy" when your kids are yelling that you are ruining their life, but someday, they will hopefully realize that in ruining their life for five minutes of saying "no" to something, they have gotten a million "yesses" to other things in return!!

....And then maybe I will get a hug from them!!!

So true Kirsti Joy. Parenting is fun, hard work, and fear all mixed up together!

And of course, LOVE!!!

I was delighted to read this thoughtful Dad's ideas on parenting. Caleb, you are absolutely correct in setting limits. It is also great when each parent keeps to the same page, so to speak. AND GRANDPARENTS, too. Keep up the good work, Caleb. Your little son, Miles, will appreciate it someday!

I agree with the other sellers here who have pointed out that this is a ridiculous place to recieve or display parenting advice/anecdotes. I have kids, but I could not care enough to even finish reading this article as it is totally irrelevant to the site. Dear etsy, Please stop trying to be so earnestly all things to all people. Please work harder on making this a better marketplace for real handmade sellers and stop wasting space for unrelated things, it makes you look silly. Thanks.

One suggestion I would make is that teaching a child to be polite (saying please and thank you, holding doors, etc.) is NOT the same as teaching him to be kind. I would argue kindness is more genuine and manners are fine, but more of an artifice. Talking your child through imagining other people's perspectives leads to more kindness--along with modeling kindness yourself. It's not always natural for all kids, but must be learned. I worked with young students on the autism spectrum for the past few years: most could easily learn the rules of politeness, but kindness and perspective taking are far more complex and needed to be practiced. I think the same need for consistent practice in perspective-taking is likely true for kids without autism: they just would "get" it a bit more easily. That said, your overall goal of raising a child with consistent limits is an intelligent, forward-thinking move. I hope to do the same some day.

Yeah, I'm going to have to hook up with the 'what's this doing on the Etsy blog?' train. On the subject at hand though- I don't have kids, but I'm very good at raising them. My parents raised me to know boundaries, rules and routine, and my brothers and I are all good people. My friends (who I temporarily live with) have a 7 year old and they've only just started laying down rules, routine, action and consequence. Yep- all of it! Before now he's had a 'do what you want' routine and it's causing enormous problems. You have to be on form from day 1- children don't need free and easy friendship, they need a guide and a lawmaker. You are not the bad guy - you're a parent! Seeing discipline and rules as mean is dangerous. It grates on me that I'm old enough to say 'parents these days' but I see a lot of modern approaches that just don't work. Parenting is not an opportunity for social experiments- be as unconventional as you like but remember your child has to exist in the real world with other people, and s/he needs the skills to deal with it.

Setting limits and sticking to them is important. There is no other way to help kids learn to deal with not always being in charge. No one has the patience or the emotional strength to be on top of this all the time, but it does help to remember that dealing with these very minor disappointments and setbacks now is a safe training ground for future years when the stakes are higher. Knowing your child can deal with adversity gives the strength and balance you as parents need to encourage them to try new things and really excel at being who they want to be. I have four children, ages 29 to 4 (yeah, I know) and I can say that resilience has been the quality they have needed, through success, disappointment, triumph and tragedy. What you're doing now sets your children up for a healthy, happy life.

I needed to find this today and would not have looked for it as I am single without kids, but my single friends have kids and its hard on them. I understand better now, and I'm sending all this to my friend with love...thank you guys! Etsy artists also need things they were not looking for sometimes.

I'm on my way to becoming a dad (she's due on Sept 23rd) and so I've been paying more attention to parenting stories on the news and NPR. I've also been reading a couple books, one being Bringing Up Bebe (a book written by a reporter who lived in France for a time and observed the way French people parent their children differently than Americans). Some of the chapters are really eye-opening regarding getting kids to go to sleep, eating good food instead of just chicken nuggets, etc. One of the things that I thought was most interesting was that with French parents, the boundaries that they set up are hard boundaries; the child cannot go beyond the boundary and you need to be as consistent as possible. However, within those boundaries, the child has ultimate freedom to make mistakes and investigate on their own. For example, you mentioned getting you child to go to bed on-time is a struggle. The writer said that in France, there are parents that go through the night-time routine (bath, brush teeth, pajamas, story, bed) but once the routine is done, the parent closes the door and the child is allowed to sleep or stay up, as long as they remain in their room and stay quiet. While I think this is a brilliant idea, eliminating the "But I'm not tired yet!" phrases of various sorts, I don't have any way of testing this out yet, unfortunately. I know my time will come and I will be able to see whether or not it actually works with my own kid, but I just wanted to make you aware of this way of working bed time and to recommend Bringing Up Bebe for your reading list.