The Joy of Missing Out

Virginia Wolf once called this the "cotton wool" of everyday life: the supposedly mundane things, which, if examined with fresh eyes, are anything but ordinary.

Interesting and thought provoking. Now, with a teenager I have PLMA, please leave me alone!

Interesting perspective, and so true! I went through all of high school having FOMO, and it wasn't much fun. Making your own fun, thus creating JOMO is definitely the way to go. Thanks for the inspiring message!

While I don't live in Chicago- which is an awesome town- I get the same feeling in my town, especialy during the summer. I should be out and about doing everything, but I can't so I pick and choose and then don't worry about the rest.

Neat article!

Great article and refreshing perspective!

Glorious! I am all about JOMO!

Love it! I live at the Jersey Shore and don't really mind missing out during the summer months because so many people come here and its nothing but a hassle. My favorite time is when everyone goes home for the summer and "my" home goes back to normal ;)

I enjoy every minute with family, having a "slow" and "mundane" life. I feel like I am on top of the world! Lovely article. I love JOMO!

Great article!!

Great Article! There was a time in my life where I also felt like FOMO. If I didn't go to a show, a club, check in to social media I felt like I was missing out. Times have changed and it's nice to know i'm not alone.

The truth is obvious: That "fear of missing out" is very much a maturity thing. The younger (or more immature) you are, the more you need to be involved in absolutely everything around you. Little kids don't want to go to bed for the same reason but young adults are even worse because no one can make them. Having a child is an instant wake up call to life and forces us to learn that most of that stuff out there - you can give it a miss.

Interesting article! Thanks!

hadnt heard of FOMO or JOMO before, I guess I wasnt missing out? lol on the PLMA.

This is such a wonderful & relevant truth these days. Thanks for sharing.

Guess I haven't had FOMO since high school! Yes once you have kids everything else takes a backseat until 20 years later you look up and notice how much has changed. Good article! btw, it's REIN in (as in pulling the reins back to stop your horse...reign is for royalty ;D

if you are enjoying what you do, you are not missing out on anything

Love this and it's so true! I'd much rather be at home playing games and giggling the day away with my family then out chasing the crowds. Thanks for sharing your perspective!

Thanks for this. I recognized this in July when we took a camping vacation. I also began working and became completely immersed in a new art medium. I can't even explain how freeing it was not to worry about the computer, marketing, selling. It think sometimes we forget we are just one person and just can't do/be more then that. It's impossible to keep up with all of it...aren't we lucky that we can choose to do what makes "us" happy.

We left a crazy schedule that included some activity every night of the week two years ago, it was one of the most refreshing changes ever!! I have come to adore being at home and when speaking to friends that are still in the craziness, I don't feel in the least as if I'm missing out. Rather, what a blessing to soak up time with our children ~ childhood passes so quickly!

Inspiring article! I have lately been making a concerted effort to check out of social media for a few hours every day, just to try to get my JOMO back. Too much life happens offline. If you spend all your time watching other people have fun, you suddenly realize that you just wasted part of your life. Go out, have fun, experience simple joys for awhile. You feel better (and feel better about yourself) when you do!

Interesting subject. Being an artist, and spending lots of time involved in the process of creating, has always kept me content enough not to worry about "missing out". I think other people often wonder "how can you spend so much time working in your studio?" When I'm thinking, "I can't wait to get in my studio and work on_______!"

Since long time we are tooking camping vacation and this year was long 1 mounth with camping car , was super . Yes still worry about computer marketing selling but not was last year .I think after 42 years old sometings will changing :)) Thanks for post

Great article! It says, "Caleb Gardner is an amateur father," and I would like to add "a man with wisdom! "

Interesting - and not me! ;) I'm maybe somewhere inbetween!! Love to travel and don't want to miss out on the world and all that it has to offer - but not the last at a party! cute!

Thanks for the article, very interesting!

Lovely reminder.

Great article! Ah! I am torn.... I have always wanted a family and all that goes with it, but I am having too much fun exploring new things and new places. I want a lot of kids because I know how much happiness that can bring.... buuuut this whole FOMO thing feels great! Guess I'll just go where life takes me. Checked out your shop... awesome stuff. Kind of gives me a "chill/relaxed" feeling that I like.

this article is definitely somethin' to think about... :) thank u for posting this. and when it comes to the fear of missing out - all i can say is that i'm a workaholic and i fear of loosing valuable time while sleeping. -but - on the other hand- i'm a daydreamer :) hahahh

Great article and yes, I know I am afflicted with this malady from time to time. When I immerse myself in my art is when it goes away and I am truly happy.... from Lynne

Really liked the various threads in this article: becoming a parent, social media, and FOMO (a clever new term to me). Thank you.

lol i'm super frazzled today and this is a wonderful article to read. i'm looking forward to a weekend out of town and almost totally "missing out" on the interwebs and all of it's awesomeness and i know i will be very happy for it :)

Great post !

Great post (as usual). Just spent a week completely unplugged in Canada. The days felt so long with no internet, no iphone. It was delightful. I plan to unplug at least one day a week from now on...

How interesting. Having spent the first 22 years of my life, several decades ago, being raised in Chicago. I made it a point to be "odd man out" and never part of the "in scene". You don't have to do everything to enjoy life. But with social media I could easily see how easy it is to feel FOMO. I've raised 3 children as a single mom in the Ozarks with each of them saying they were going to move to the "city" when they grew up. NONE of them now live in the city, in fact 2 live in smaller towns then I do and the other son lives in the town I live just outside of. Two of my three live pretty much unplugged and march to the beat of their own drum. Living a life such as that has offered them the opportunity to enjoy the quiet life. I've always encouraged my kids to "enjoy what they have while you have it" and they are. If they ever move to an urban area I'm sure they will enjoy that. I will be traveling to Chicago in a couple weeks then off the a country fair just west of the city...enjoying both while not letting FOMO bring me down. Thanks for the insight of the new generation.

This is definitely an interesting article that's making me think. I don't think I have FOMO, because the majority of the events I see talked about don't interest me much, but I can still see the effects that FOMO can have on people.

Children change our perspective on life for sure. Sometimes we need to stop and figure out whether all the things we're doing, or feel we should be doing, are adding to our joy of life or not.

It's easy to experience the same FOMO here in LA.

JOMO vs FOMO! Bravo!!! I used to be a FOMO girl (so stressful!).

Interesting!

This is fabulous, and so true. JOMO on! <3

'Tis a balance to be had between FOMO and JOMO. What a refreshing article!

Thank you ever so much!

Hahaha! Welcome to the REAL WORLD my friend!

Thank you for featuring my cushion! I agree, having a baby cured me of FOMO completely.

I sometimes get this when I'm on Facebook, you see other people's lives unfolding and moving on and it feels like you've never changed but thats not really true at all!

Thank you for the unique article. I think that this is a common, but seldom commented on issue that has become even more palpable in the age of social media and oversharing. It is important to remember that what you see is an idealized version of a person and not the reality.

LOVE this! Thank you for giving a voice to the feelings of guilt I get when I don't participate in the social scene. Let's all decide for ourselves what we care about missing out on and what we can simply toss aside. I, for one, agree. I don't want to miss out on my children's lives, but that fabulous concert or spur of the moment four-square game, while fun, can wait for another day... or wait for when I can do them with my kids!

Hmmmm....Try having 2 girls going to college in Chicago and convincing them that WFPL (work first play last) is more important than FOMO. But come on - It's CHICAGO : )

So true!

One of the BEST posts - to date!! LOVE what you've shared with us! I learned long ago that it was okay to say no to all the social hoopla and I also learned long ago - what a breath of fresh air it was to just revel in family time and watch Lizzie come along and all the joys that has brought us! We do FAR more interesting things now, with Lizzie, than we ever did without her!

Great article! Thanks!

Yes, as someone else posted above: "Unplugged and marching to the beat of our own drum" - this has been the most freeing for me, yet!

Great article!

Thank you so much for sharing, it refreshing to know hat others think that way. They best part of the day is when everything stops and just you and your family.

I think this whole FOMO thing depends on how extroverted you are. Being an introvert myself, I have feared more for the loss of alone time--my time for reflection and the processing of things which I hold so dear and need in order to feel balanced. Whereas extroverts thrive on being social and attending events, introverts need time away to recharge and in general probably aren't as affected (if affected at all) by FOMO. Think I'll start an acronym for us introverts right now--FOLAT for "fear of losing alone time" :)

I used to have FOMO until one day I read an article similar to this about 10 years ago where a poem by C.P. Cavafy called As Much As You Can was quoted. It made me feel OK about my shyness I'd put so much energy into hiding :)

really great. Getting to the heart of life

Dear fellow Scotch-enjoying Caleb: Yet another poignant and personally well-timed piece for me. Thank you for reminding us of the craziness we sometimes get wound-up in and lose sight of. Living in NYC, it's incredibly easy to feel like you're missing out, simply by walking by a restaurant you're not presently eating at, or learning of a concert you hadn't heard was happening. This past evening, I had a serious case of the FOMO's, realizing all the tickets to Louis C.K.'s tour had been sold out in my city. Not cool. I almost felt panicked. Probably slightly ironic, as he might joke about a reaction like that. I think I became a chronic "ohmyGodI'mmissingout!" worrier after my dad died as a kid, staying up late for no reason, watching tv, probably terrified something amazing would happen and I wouldn't be there to see. The feeling has worsened for me since joining Facebook many years ago, but I'm reining it in, consciously, meditatively, as you and Mr. Dash seem to do. I hope I can learn - even if very slowly - to "rejoice in missing out."

What a great article! As a designer it is a constant battle between JOMO and FOMO. On the one hand its so great to be alone, reveling in creative spaces. On the other hand, its so easy to miss out on fun times with friends and family when perusing what you love. But that's life right- finding a balance between the loves of your life!

I love this counter intuitive post. Thank you Caleb!

ha ha - this is funny and rings true! I now have the fear of my son missing out!

This article hits the nail on the head. I too suffer from FOMO however, I've realized that maintaining a very active social life puts all of my creative projects on hold. Taking a few steps back puts things in perspective. Very refreshing!

Thank you. What a wonderful message I will share with my family. Cheers, Mandy

Caleb, Thank you for your article. Very interesting

Instead of worrying about missing out on things. Go and do with your children. They will learn SO much about the world around them more than any school on the planet. One reason I love home schooling my little ones. They learn A LOT more than I did at that age.

Thanks for sharing. Great article.

fabulous! so well done. Yes! love it. "rejoice in missing out!" absolutely.

Great!!

Lovely piece to reflect on!

Having given up the social scene years ago, FOMO in my world of vintage is applied to auctions, estate sales and garage sales. FOMO on the jewel someone picks up first and I only get to see it as it's being walked out the door to the pay table. When I was younger it was more important to me to create a home where my friends would gather and entertaining was fun than to get caught up in the social scene. Making your own fun! MYOF could be included in the JOMO category.

Very nice read and wonderful message! Being with your newborn child continually will never be on the list of your regrets at the end of your life but not being with him probably would be. Thank you for the reminder of what is most important in life!

Always keep an open mind and your idea's will fly high Norma of TrueColorsBoutique

What a great way of explaining the zone that is - FOMO. I think I also suffer from FOND - 'fear of not doing' - so much to create - so little time. Is there an antidote to that as well ??

I think Noel from sunkissedhighways got it right, if you're following your passions and seeking your dreams, you're not missing out, you are living life with heart and courage, as it was intended

Great article!

JOMO! I like that.

Great article!!

cute article & acronyms! : )

I have a theory. When you're young, and new to the world of work, connections and incremental achievements are everything and missed opportunities can set you back years. I found this especially in my first graduate job, working for a fashion company in NYC. Same goes for when you're new to anything I guess, a social scene, learning a skill, starting or growing a business. I think even new parents get it with their offspring, observing the novel, cute and surprising things their little one does through a camera lens, whether for posterity or Facebook updates. I think the trick is finding a balance and enjoying what you have as much as anticipating what you could be doing. Besides, FOMO can be a great motivator, too, especially for me as a procrastinator and generally shy person.

So true! This article reminds me of a quote I saw today: "While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about" :)

Yay, revel in the little moments that are larger than life.

Wonderful article brought a tear to my eye!

This is marvelous, and resonates with me on so many levels. While I love and have craved events, and social activity, and circles of friends I'm learning to love life and live life from other perspectives as well; to anticipate family time, to make sure to carve time for alone time, for small groups, for one on one. There really is a lesson to be learned in balancing life.

Aw, I love how you embraced the changes having your son brought to your life. Wonderful!

Great post!

That's funny -- we've always called it "FOBLO" here -- "fear of being left out" -- puts a slightly different angle on it.... Totally support the "Joy of" sentiments... but "FOBLO!!!" is still fun to yell it across the room when needed.

for whatever reason, it's always good to take some time away from things, it clears your head and when you get back to it you often see things from a different view and end up being more creative and motivated than you were before.

You have a lifetime to be there. When I had my son, it happened to be 2 months after my father was diagnosed with state II/III pancreatic cancer. We had to treat down in TN because my dad didn't want to stop working, but I lived in MD with my son. I missed a lot of time watching him grow, but I also was able to spend some of the most valuable moments with my father. Life is about trade-offs. After my father passed, I can now spend the rest of my life with him. Does it hurt? Of course! Would I change it? Never. Don't be afraid. Remember we do the best we can with the information we have at the time. Keep that in mind and you'll do great!

Thank you...thank you....thank you!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, wonderful article!!

thanks for the great post!!

Very cool! Great post!!! XOXOXOXOXO EL Vintage

Great article. Thanks so much for posting it. I had to share it on my facebook. :)

Great article! Recovering from FOMO always reminds me that I'm getting older! I feel so relaxed living a more mature life , spending time on things that can really make me feel happy.

I love this Caleb! It's refreshing to hear someone else say that they simply just don't care anymore. I also had FOMO until I had my daughter in 2010. After she was born I got off of Facebook (where FOMO would effect me most) to enjoy my new baby girl, my husband, & a simpler life & I never looked back. I've been a much happier person because of it & recommend it to the rest of the world! I'm so thankful for my daughter for giving me a new, happier perspective of life. And P.S. Thank you x million for using my photo for this. I'm incredibly flattered! ;)

This is so true!! I'm lucky in that I'm past this FOMO stage. I've come to really enjoy not doing the cool thing :)

While this is a comforting article...I also love to watch what people/friends/on-line acquaintances are up to. Married with two children, your hours slip by unnoticed, washed away in seas of laundry, homework, and chauffeur duties. we need to be reminded that dates nights DO exist - concerts ARE still going on - museums are having new shows! Don't feel you have to do it all...but be inspired to keep LIVING a full life.

Very appropriate! Something I have been thinking about myself lately! Great reminder!

Great article (love the picture too! :)!

Wonderful article and very uplifting thanks :)

Wonderful article and point of view. As a person who has always been a JOMO person raised by a FOMO person it's great to have an article that puts into words a lifetime of mismatched feelings.

As a stay at home mom, I completely understand the joy of missing out. It is a conscious mind shift, moving from full time employment and a vibrant social life to days spent picking flowers, keeping house, playing tea party and building skyscrapers with Legos. JOMO to me is elegance, a paring down of the superfluous to find the true meat, the real, honest, unwavering pleasures of life beneath. It isn't what I would call happiness, per se, it is contentment. A jar of homemade red raspberry jam that holds inside it all the memories of a sun drenched day with my 4 year old daughter is worth more to me than all the club galas in the world right now. Time takes on a new pace, slower, more purposeful and deliberate. Days glide by in liquid procession, broken by occassional moments of chaos, but mostly blending into on another in unremarkable contentment. My budget is far smaller and when I purchase something, it is out of necessity or out of real, true desire. Fads and gadgets have faded into the background. I don't have a cell phone, I am not on Facebook. Not being in the workplace or abuzz in society has made me even choose clothing that I like, not clothing that is necessarily trendy or fashionable. The last time I went into a mall I felt like an alien on a strange planet, dropping out of the mainstream for 4 years makes you see pop culture in a very different light. I honestly had a hard time finding anything I wanted to buy.

I feel this article on a deep level. I am currently realizing the JOMO ! perhaps it is a collective consciousness thing? It still can be difficult, I am the eternal kid who doesn't want to go to bed- even when I know I'm tired! But; oh the delicious contentment a person can find in saying no to the go, go, go!

Caleb what a wonderful article. Your new baby will only be a baby for what will seem like a short time and thats what you don't want to miss out on. That smile that giggle. I love what i do so I never feel like I'm missing out on anything when I am in my sewing room working. Having battled with some serious health issues being alive and having a chance to enjoy my family I am very greatful for. You sound like you got a good wise head on your shoulders. You can pick and choose what you want to do. Enjoy life, enjoy your family. You won't miss out on anything. Be blessed. :)

Newborns are not the only major life event that can derail your thinking. With the death of each of my parents I realized what petty concerns I harbored most of the time. It focused my thinking on "life" and not all the hubris that comes with it. I was never the cool kid but always felt the loss of it. I certainly don't anymore. I feel I have matured enough to know the difference between enjoying someone else's version of what life should be about and honoring my own vision of what that means to me. Great thought provoking post!

Such a great post! And Rita, you are *so* right. I spend a lot of time in my studio, too, and canning and doing other domestic things at home with my husband. Right now, snipping green beans ends by the table lamp and listening to a Pirates game on the radio with my husband makes for an excellent night. There was a time in my life (my mid-20s) when I felt like I wasn't getting out enough, going to art openings, to clubs, etc. Now, in my late 30s, I feel much happier when I'm focused on making things and cultivating a little corner of the world where joy can grow for people I care about.

I do feel fomo sometimes, and I believe in jomo on occasion, however, just to add another perspective-- I think it's vitally important that we don't just close ourselves off from each other/public spaces. In many places in the US (and all over the modern world, but I speak to where I'm from) there is a growing absence of community that I think is really hurting us all. Of course I understand when you have a baby, or someone you love gets sick, you have a life changing experience, etc. it is natural, and probably beneficial to close yourself in for a little while, build a little wall around your 'comfort zone' to get away from the extraneous noise and superficial stuff out there; but we must not allow ourselves to build the walls between us too high. We must not forget that there are other people out there, and that we are all in this together, because that will also eventually lead to ignorance of the plight of others and in another way, an unfulfilled life...just my 2 cents...peace yall.

I feel you on this, especially after experiencing a life changing event, but just to offer another point of view -- As an artist, you must step out of your home and comfort zone and encounter the "other"; without community we cease to understand the experience of modern life from the perspectives of other people, and grow ignorant to the plight of others, which turns our art into a self-centered endeavor that is in turn, no art at all.

I really appreciate this thread, (obviously) very thought provoking, thanks much & much happiness to you and your family. ;)

Sometimes there's a pang of guilt when I catch myself so absorbed in my art that I miss out on life, especially when my kids remind me they need attention too. Working 40+ hours on active duty, trying to be a good husband and father, doesn't leave much time for my craft. It's a difficult balance.

The old man in me chose to move out of the big city and into the country, even though I'm fairly young. I feel content "Missing Out" on everything as I've gotten older and have no desire to subject myself to the fads of the moment. I got tired of trying to do this, or be there... it was all never-ending. As a true artist, I can be content with my solitary lifestyle at work. There is an overwhelming self-satisfaction that I get from spending the day in my studio alone, even if no one ever sees what I've created. I'm not missing out on anything as long as I don't know about it. (My "ignorance is bliss!" LOL) The joy of creating is undeniably the best feeling in the world and "IT" is where I am suppose to be. I pity people that do not know how to create or just don't... they may not even know the bountiful happiness that they are "missing out" on.

Love this!

Such a great, helpful article. Thanks for sharing your insight. Remembering the terms FOMO and JOMO will reassure me when I'm feeling out of it. Have a spouse who is heavy into FOMO and interacts with friends, online & offline, more than with his family. My JOMO doing my art keeps me happy.

No fear of Missing out. Enjoy every day as it is given to you. :)