FRONT SAYS:
A checklist of the things I have never done:
_called from jail
_gotten knocked up
_been expelled from school
_shown up on the evening news
_eloped with a guy I met on the internet
_joined a cult
_dropped out of college
_posed for Playboy
_sold my kidney on Craigslist to pay for implants
_covered myself with tattoos and piercings
_lived in a commune where we passed the time braiding each other’s hair
_resisted arrest
_led a life resembling Lindsay Lohan’s in any way
_spent an entire summer memorizing the lines of every Billy Crystal movie in existence
_lived in a nudist colony
_released a sex tape on the internet
_shaved off all body hair in an attempt to get out of a drug test
_bought an emu farm
_dated a guy as old as Dad
INSIDE SAYS:
Hopefully I got you exactly what you wanted
Happy Mother’s Day
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SIMILAR ITEMS
Same card available from son:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/45083961/funny-mothers-day-card-the-perfect
See my full selection of Mother's Day cards:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/VixensEmpire?section_id=11243483
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QUANTITY
Want to order more copies of this card than is shown available? Convo me with the card/quantity you want and I’ll make you a custom listing.
FOR RECIPIENT
If you want to have the card sent directly to the card's intended recipient, please include his/her shipping address in "message to the seller” during checkout, as well as a personalized message for the recipient. Sending cards to multiple addresses will require an additional shipping charge, to be paid through Paypal.
MATERIALS
Matte cardstock is perfect for writing on without ink smudging like on many glossy store-bought cards. All cards and envelopes are made of partially recycled contents.
Card: 5.125" x 7” (13 cm x 17.8 cm) 80 lb. bright white FSC-certified cardstock, printed with Epson Photo Stylus 1400
Envelope: A7 5.25” x 7.25” (13.4 cm x 18.4 cm) 60 lb. holiday red
All cards arrive in individual cellophane sleeves for protection during shipping. Keeps card clean and pretty until you're ready to share it.
TX RESIDENTS
Apologies to my fellow Texans, but I have to charge 8.25% sales tax. Laaaame.
SHIPPING
My shop offers some of the lowest shipping prices among greeting card sellers on Etsy! BE EXCITED.
All orders are shipped in 1 to 3 days and arrive quickly within the continental United States. If you are short on time, please request RUSH when you check out. Orders ship via USPS First Class mail, which does *not* include a tracking number. Tracking can only be offered with USPS Priority Flat Rate shipping--this costs an additional $5.00 and arrives no faster than First Class within the continental US. International shipping available.
TINY BITS OF AWESOMENESS
One of the many things that makes my cards awesome is the tiny text written on the back of the card along the spine, where I include an anecdote about what inspired the card or some hilarious stream-of-consciousness that came out when I was working at 3 a.m, most likely while intoxicated. Reading this text may result in snorting or tinkling of one’s pants. Vixen’s Empire not liable for damage from urination.
SPECIAL ORDERS
Wholesale, custom, and bulk orders welcome, just convo me with your request. Details about wholesale orders available at http://www.etsy.com/listing/93740711/wholesale-cards-24-for-42-dollars-snarky
WHY YOU SHOULD BUY FROM ME
I’m kind of adorkable and so are my cards.
STALK ME
Follow me for announcements of new cards and coupon codes.
Twitter: @vixensempire
Facebook: /snarkcards
www.vixensempire.com
©Vixen's Empire
Have any questions?
Contact the shop owner.
