Not anymore!
I don't know what it was that finally prompted the gnomes to take up arms. Maybe it was one too many gopher invasions. Perhaps it was the overwhelming gaudiness of neighboring plastic pink flamingoes encroaching on their ancestral homeland. Or maybe they just finally got tired of the media portraying them as travelling morons. Either way, they've had enough and they're out for blood.
My gnomes stand just under a foot tall, weigh somewhere between one and ten pounds, and each one comes with your choice of either the ubiquitous M16A2 assault rifle or the venerable AK-47. Your gnome will be delicately packed in the finest imported bubble wrap, laid in a luxurious bed of gourmet packing peanuts*, and shipped directly to your door by a professional, uniformed carrier through USPS Priority Mail. For your ease of mind, you will receive a tracking number once your gnome has shipped so that you can check on his progress as he makes his speedy way from my workshop to you.
The original was hand sculpted by me, an unemployed sailor/artist/philosopher/craftsman. Once I'd created a working mold, the original was destroyed and then lovingly reproduced in solid, American-made, urethane casting resin with various things added in to make them heavier. Then each copy was painstakingly hand-painted by me as well. This listing is for gnomes number 4 through 12 in a limited, numbered edition of twelve. I will not be offering custom paintjobs, so please don't ask.
Because of their handmade nature, there will be slight variations in the final paintjob of your particular gnome. Depending on how well these are received, I will also be selling other Combat Garden Gnomes in different poses as well.
Have any questions?
Contact the shop owner.
