Not anymore!
I don't know what it was that finally prompted the gnomes to take up arms. Maybe it was one too many gopher invasions. Perhaps it was the overwhelming gaudiness of neighboring plastic pink flamingos encroaching on their ancestral homeland. Or maybe they just finally got tired of the media portraying them as traveling morons. Either way, they've had enough and they're out for blood...
My gnomes stand just under a foot tall, weigh somewhere between one and ten pounds, and these ones comes armed with the ubiquitous M16A2 assault rifle. This is the standard issue firearm of US and NATO armed forces.
Your gnome will be delicately packed in the finest imported bubble wrap, laid in a luxurious bed of gourmet packing peanuts*, pristine butcher paper, or vintage newspaper, and shipped directly to your door by a professional, uniformed carrier through USPS Priority Mail. For your ease of mind, you will receive a tracking number once your gnome has shipped so that you can check on his progress as he makes his speedy way from my workshop to you.
The original was hand sculpted by me, an unemployed sailor/artist/philosopher/craftsman. Once I'd created a working mold, the original was destroyed and then lovingly reproduced in solid, American-made, urethane casting resin. That done, I farm them out to anyone and everyone I can beg, coerce, shame, or swindle into painting them for me.
Because of their handmade nature, there will be slight variations in your particular gnome.
I'm working on more batches of painted gnomes, but given the generally unreliable nature of my help, I can't promise when they'll be available. If you'd like to save yourself a bit of money, check my other items for unpainted gnomes that you can paint for yourself.
Be sure to check my other items for more Combat Garden Gnomes in different poses as well. In addition to the ones I've already made, I'm working on more. Next up: Minesweeper Gnome!
*Do not eat the packing peanuts.
Have any questions?
Contact the shop owner.
