“Honey! We need to write a bio about us for the Etsy Shop!”

“Oh, great. You know how upset the Witness Protection Program people get when we publish anything.”

“Well, they can just get over it. Etsians want to know who we are and what we do. We don’t have to tell them about the episode in Jakarta.”

“Fair enough. What should we talk about?”

“We could tell them that we’re college sweethearts and have been married since the Reagan administration. Or we could tell them that we’re hopelessly addicted to Looney Tunes, Mythbusters and Monty Python. Or tell them that you’ve been doing technology and I’ve been doing crafts for thirty years.”

"That makes us sound like we're old as dirt."

"We ARE old as dirt!"

“But we don't need to tell the whole world about it. Leave all that out. How about telling them the story of how you named the shop?”

“You mean how my mother taught me and our children how to cherish their individuality and uniqueness by telling them that while little yellow bugs were cute, the world would be pretty boring if EVERY car was a little yellow bug?”

“On second thought, that's so mushy it makes my teeth hurt. How about telling them how you were one of the first employees at the original Michael's store?”

“Michaels, Schmichaels. Who cares? Let's tell them something current. How about telling them that as our nest empties, we’re getting even crazier and having fun embarrassing our children?”

“Nobody would believe it. Empty Nesters are supposed to be sitting in recliners and yelling at the TV news. We don’t even own a recliner.”

“This is harder than I thought.”

“You’re right. Maybe we should tell them about Jakarta.”

“OK. <sigh> We’ve been wanting to move again anyway. So, Etsians, when were were secret agents during the Cold War, we tailed our target to Jakarta and -”

THE REMAINDER OF THIS BIOGRAPHY HAS BEEN REDACTED BY THE FEDERAL WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM. MOVE ALONG. THESE AREN’T THE DROIDS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR.


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