Etsy Shop for GrumpyGirl

Frosty The Pervert Holiday Soap

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:42:45 -0500

$5.25
Not everybody knows the true story of Frosty. Oh sure, the cartoons played during the holidays when we were kids were full of happy, fun Frosty things with a bunch of singing and a happy ending, but Frosty has a dark, perverted side that not many people know about.

Often spotted on the cross town bus during the holiday season reading the latest "Frosty Nipple" mag, Frosty has a rap sheet a mile long due to flashing the neighborhood housewives his "Crystal Balls" from time to time.

Pure white with a touch of glitter on top to deceive you with assumed innocence, Frosty The Pervert will tickle selective parts of you in the shower with a cool, minty peppermint blast. Brrrr.... You know he gets his jollies from it. Pervert.

Net Weight 4.25-4.75 oz

(This soap comes with the "description/story" on a little enclosed card, perfect for gift giving.)

Blooming Idiot Bar Soap

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:42:42 -0500

$5.25
Because inside all of us is a blooming idiot just waiting to fly their freak flag proudly. Release your inner freak.

This delightful and gorgeous fruity-floral fragrance combines sweet notes of Bartlett Pear, Apricot, White Peach, Plum Blossom, with fresh notes of Mimosa and Spring Air.

Perfect light floral and oh so feminine scent to spoil yourself with.

Size: 4.25 - 4.75oz

The Lollipop Guild Soap

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:42:41 -0500

$5.50
Remember as a child the joy and excitement you'd get after a long night of trick or treating? You'd rush home, and hop from foot to foot while waiting for your Mom to check out the contents of your goodie bag for razors and poison apples. You'd excitedly stick your little hand into your bag and pull out the biggest and most colorful lollipop you've ever seen. You smiled wickedly, tore off the paper, and licked it all over while savoring sugary goodness before sticking it to your little kid sisters hair.

Yeah, it's just like that but WAY better now.

Sticky goodness of Spun sugar, berries and fruits and candy overtones on a stick.

None of the creepy little midgets singing in a high pitch squeal dressed in knee pants either.

A Grumpy Girl exclusive!

*New smaller cut to make the bar a bit easier to handle.
Net Weight 5 - 6.2 oz

Drunk Uncle Bob Holiday Soap

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:42:40 -0500

$5.25
Every family has one.

You know, the relative that comes over for holiday parties and makes an ass of himself before passing out drunk on the sofa.

This classic scent is just like dear old drunk Uncle Bob himself and will bring back memories of holiday parties from when you were a kid sitting on the top stair watching the festivities below and drunk Uncle Bob snoring away softly on the sofa covered in his own vomit while your mother looks on horrified.

Ah, the holidays!

Fresh Pine and balsam combined with fresh baked goodies, candied fruits, spices and a hint of rum.

Net Weight 4.25oz

(This soap comes with the "description/story" on a little enclosed card, perfect for gift giving.)

Fat Santa Cookies Holiday Soap

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:42:14 -0500

$5.25
One Christmas Eve in NYC, a very thin, starving, beautiful and aspiring model lay in bed tossing and turning unable to sleep. All she could think about were the warm, gooey, cinnamon butter sugar cookies and ice cold glass of milk that her current boyfriend of the hour had left by the fireplace for "Santa." They called to her at 2am in the middle of a troubled sleep. She put the pillow over her head to drown out the sounds hoping to fall back to sleep.

Now you see, this starving model, all she ever wanted was a matching set of silicone fun bags in size triple D and she'd spent that very morning waiting in line at Macy's Department Store just to sit on Santa's lap to ask for the big silicone bags of joy. (Of course Santa made her bounce up and down on his lap while she asked for them, but that's another story entirely and probably best saved for a jury after the harassment suit is filed.)

Finally unable to stand the thought of the cookies any longer, she got up, put on her robe and tippy toed silently down the long hallway to the living room where the cookies where. She sat in front of the Christmas tree and ate every last one of Fat Santa's Cookies and tippy toed back silently back down the hallway to bed careful not to wake Chester, Ched, Charlie... whatever his name was.

In the morning, she woke excited because she knew that today was the day she'd find her Triple D Silicone Fun Bags under the tree! She ran excitedly from the bedroom like... well.... like a kid at Christmas silly. When she reached the living room she saw a huge silver box with red bow waiting for her. Unable to contain her excitement any longer she ripped off the lid. Inside was a note from Santa and a single box of saltine crackers.

Dear Super Thin Aspiring Model, it read.
Since you ate all my damn cookies, I only thought it was fair to ration out to you your dinner for the next 364 days. Enjoy.
Love,
Santa.

Needless to say, the boyfriend of the hour left her because she didn't get any fun bags, and all she got was a years supply of saltine crackers.

Moral of the story... He's fat. He's Santa. And you better leave his damn cookies alone.

Warm Cinnamon sugar cookies, with a hint of butter. Yum.

Net Weight 4.25oz

(This soap comes with the "description/story" on a little enclosed card, perfect for gift giving.)

Fierce

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:42:12 -0500

$5.25
What better way to say to the world outside that YOU are fierce? Maybe a Kickin' bar of richly scented, boldly colored soap that stretches the imagination and embodies the soul. Ah, we thought so. One shower and all day long you'll hear Ms. J behind you screaming, WORK IT GIRL! Fierce!

And Glitter, we got to have glitter!

Sweet toffee, golden honey, slight hints of bergamot and orange and a bit of woody musk. (A Lush Brand Honey I Washed The Kids Duplication.

Net Weight: 4.25oz

Sister Mary Frances Handmade Soap 4.5oz Bar

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:42:08 -0500

$5.25
Such a soft, lovely feminine scent, light and lingeringly romantic and ever so pure. Sure to fool even the likes of Sister Mary Frances and her unyielding, knuckle busting ruler of hell.

A softly, musky, floral blossom with Calabrian Bergamont, freshly picked citron and neroli, white floral Jasmine, Rose Damascenia and a clean, dry white musk and Cedarwood finish.

Net Weight 4.25-4.75oz bar

High Maintenance Handmade Soap

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:41:57 -0500

$5.25
Today we found something a little different for all you girls wanting a touch of high society and the charm and sophistication that comes along with it. Something a little floral, a little woodsy, and a whole lotta sexy patchouli and warmed up with a hint of vanilla bean.

The blend is sophisticated, timeless and classic. And don't think for a minute it's not down right HOT. It's difficult to describe, but when applied and used in the proper mood, a Grumpy Girl can be transported in this High Maintenance vehicle right into the Sexy Side of the stratosphere!

Need a ride?

Net Weight 4.25 - 4.75 oz.

Ghetto Princess

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:41:55 -0500

$5.25
A feminine floral scent with notes of geranium, jasmine, and vetiver surrounded by green of ivy, clover, and watercress.

A personal favorite and a bar worthy of a place in history! Classic, timeless and sexy. It reminds me of someone I used to know, but the book she was worthy of being in wasn't allowed to be purchased by minors under the age of 21 legally in this state.

Net weight 4.25 - 4.50 oz

Fat Bottom Girls Devils Food Cake Lip Balm

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:41:51 -0500

$2.75
Let us get you addicted and be your Lip Crack pusher!

Nothing but the best oils and butters go into a Lip Crack lip balm. One try and you'll be hooked for life and we won't even make you give back the trench coat.

Net Weight .15oz
Flavor: Devils Food Cake

3 soaps for 15 dollars

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:41:49 -0500

$15.00
Buy three bars of our listed soap for $15.
It couldn't get any easier.

(Include your three choices in the comment section during checkout please. Choose from soaps that are listed, not from the scent list on our profile page as all scents are not available in soap.)

(Excludes Scrub/spa/salt Bar set, Acid Trip and Fishy Slices soaps.)

Hot Sexy UPS Dude Handmade Soap for Him

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:24:38 -0500

$5.25
Oh you know you have one... that hot, sexy UPS dude dressed in brown that makes your heart skip a beat every time you see the truck roll up in your driveway. And we know that sometimes, late at night while you're watching the latest infomercial on TV, you secretly toy with the idea of ordering the Faux Flex just so he'll come visit you in 3-5 days with expedited shipping.

This soap will turn your man into the next best thing since the pony express. Capture the hot, sexy UPS dude anytime you want him and save yourself the overnight shipping charges.

You can also start telling your friends you've got a Hot, Sexy UPS Dude waiting at home in your shower for you and become the envy of the neighborhood.

Orange blossom, mandarin, jasmine and is accented with amber, cedar and vanilla.

Net Weight 4.25 - 4.75 ounces

Oatmeal, Milk and Honey Booty Call Handmade Soap

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 18:40:42 -0500

$5.25
The simplicity of oatmeal, milk & honey made with pure chocolatey Hershey's Cocoa Butter and 100% goats milk for the ultimate in yummy skin care.

The sweet smell of warm oatmeal, milk & honey taunts your senses, while the pure colloidal oatmeal and pure goats milk we mix into every batch soothes and nourishes your skin. Our soap won't go straight to your hips and thighs either, unlike most comfort foods.

Guilt free soap worthy of a 3am booty call. Yummah!

Net Wt. 4.25 - 4.75oz.

*Contains Steel cut oats and almond slivers

Hot Tranny Mess Soap

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 18:40:38 -0500

$5.25
CALL THE FASHION POLICE!!!!

Each batch will be different because well, A great Hot Tranny Mess just kind of evolves with the times and besides... I don't think I could recreate this Hot Tranny Mess again in a million years. I'm sure it's only going to get worse, think disco here. Bad disco.

Sugary sweet goodness of cotton candy, Old Fashioned rock candy, gummy bears, and all day suckers. (Lush brand Rock Star Duplication)

Net weight 4.25-4.75oz
FYI* this batch is aqua, orange, pink and yellow this round.

Holiday Hot Cocoa Candle

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:01:15 -0500

$15.00
Mmmmm, just like when you were a kid. Nothing beats a big hot mug of steaming hot cocoa to warm your feetsies and soul.

Except now we know it goes straight to your, erm... backside. Avoid it, and still be able to live the charmed life with your own mug of hot cocoa. We dare anyone to even THINK about stealing your marshmallows either.

Net Weight 16oz

Lime Margarita Ay Carumba Lip Balm

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:01:11 -0500

Grapefruit Pucker Lip Balm

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:01:08 -0500

Hot Summer Nights Handmade Soap

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 13:45:31 -0500

$5.25
The lingering fresh scent of summer honeysuckle that is so real it's just like walking up to a fence row on a hot summer night and sticking your nose into a fresh honeysuckle vine.

Why you would do that is beyond me, but hey, it's your nose.

Net Weight 4.25-4.75oz.

Freak Show Full Sized Glycerin Soap 4oz

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 14:20:36 -0500

$5.00
This listing is for a FULL size 4oz bar.

Net Weight Full size 4oz bar

Top notes of sugary sweet strawberry cotton candy, a slight hint of candied granny smith apples, in a base of Warm, buttery vanilla funnel cake drenched in powdered sugar. Yummah! This one reminds us of the crunch berries in Captain Crunch Cereal. A custom blend only found here.

Fishy Slices Glycerin Soap

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:55:38 -0500

$6.00
Fun, Funky & Ghetto Fabulous!

Who wouldn't be the coolest kid/adult on the block with a slice of fishy soap on their soap dish? Reminiscent of a stone age fossil, we tried to capture the elusive rubber fishy in his natural habitat.

How many scrubs does it take to get to the center of the fishy soap? ...a one, a two, a three...

Scent: By The Sea
Color of fish vary and are not intended for children as they are a choking hazard.

Net Weight 5-6 ounces.

Strawberry Moonshine Lip Balm

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:54:14 -0500

Choco-Mint Orgasm Lip Balm

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 12:43:44 -0500

Deceptions and Lies Handmade Soap Blackraspberry Vanilla

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:42:53 -0400

$5.25
Fresh sweet blackberries ripened in the summer sun, and hand picked off the vine when they're plump and juicy. Lovingly hand stirred with rich, creamy, mouth watering vanilla bean.

Stop right there, we know what you're thinking... but don't do it! Soap tastes horrible. It's all deceptions and lies...

Size:
4.25 - 4.75oz.
*Actual Soap may vary from the photo. Soap Fairies love us.

Orange You Special Satsuma Handmade Soap

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:42:51 -0400

$5.25
Fresh Mandarin oranges, exotic citrus fruits, bergamot, and oriental spices are magically crafted together into this exciting and exhilarating fragrance. A MUST have!!

We all just sit around just sniffing this bar during our downtime. We've already gained 20 pounds because of it.

Size:
4.25 - 4.75oz.

Single Salt Scrub Bar

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:03:43 -0400

$5.75
The luxury of purifying salt and skin quenching Painya Butter and mango butter combine to give you an incredible spa experience unlike anything you've ever felt before! Not to mention, there is no jar to fumble with trying to open with wet soapy hands!

Add a bit of water, and these salt bars comes to life leaving your skin richly and gently polished with a lotion like lather that ordinary soap or sugar scrubs can't begin to touch. Soft, smooth and fresh. Ooh, La, La! Each bar contains 30% pure golden natural shea butter. Don't expect the bar to be scrubby, it's not at all! It's like a cool smooth piece of granite as you're using it but the exfoliating properties are fabulous! You'll wonder how you ever got along without one! They last and last, so more bang for your buck.

As long as Ralph the monkey leaves these alone they'll be available so you can have your own bar. For some reason he can't keep his mits hands off them and they keep disappearing. He starts acting like a kid in the breakable isle at Tiffany's or a monkey with pretty, shiny objects. Go figure.

Definitely a best stealer erm, seller!

Chose a single bar in our most popular scents and include your scent choice in the comments to seller.:
Fat Bottom Girls
3 Bears

*Currently we don't offer these in any other scent other than what's listed above.

*Scents change often depending on what Ralph feels like making.

Each bar approx. 3.5 to 5oz

Porn Star In Pink Panties Full Sized Glycerin Soap 4oz

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:03:39 -0400

$5.00
This listing is for a FULL size 4oz bar.

Spring is just around the corner and what better way to celebrate than by being free and unrestricted, just as nature intended for all the very best wanna be porn stars.

Get the feeling of lounging around the house in your most comfortable tee and pink panties while reading fashion magazines and eating bon bons while you imagine the camera rolling with your very own sick n twisted little plot playing in your mind. Ultra cute and ultra sexy. Just like you.

Net Weight Full size 4oz bar

A complex scent of fresh bergamot, juicy citron, mingling with floral notes of neroli, jasmine and rose. Leading into the heart of the fragrance, are notes of sweet pear, plum, apricot, and red lyche, eending with base notes of sensual musk and cedarwood, with swirl of white chocolate and fluffy pink cupcakes.
*Photo by morganstreet.etsy.com

Hollywood Sex Kitten Handmade Soap (Lush Sex Bomb Duplication)

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:58:58 -0400

$5.25
Back in the day, Hollywood was all about glam, sex and lies and who could get to the top with the least amount of dirt on their knees. Ah hem... It kinda sounds like today come to think about it.

Sex Kitten looks, knock out figure and the latest fashion is a requirement. Pass go, collect your $200 at the door and for the love of all things glittery... wash off those knees and get off that casting couch girl! You have arrived. Work it!

Sultry notes of white flowers, soft sensual musk and powdery violets make this a must have. (Lush Sex Bomb Duplication)

Net Weight 4.25-4.75oz

Ay Carumba Lime Margarita Handmade Soap

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 22:30:41 -0400

$5.25
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR!

An exotic scented blend of Jose Cuervo and tart lime with a splash of grenadine. It comes to you complete with ice cubes and a salted rim. Sure to make the cop that stops you for speeding stand up and take notice. Make sure you have a designated driver on hand. Last call ladies!

Size:
4.25 - 4.75oz.

Jezebel Full Size Glycerin Soap Bar 4oz

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:24:15 -0400

$5.00
Just in time to put on that short skirt and get your sandals out of the closet. This summer release your inner Diva and show the Jezebels around town what it's like to have some class and style!

Grapefruit, granny smith apple and bluebells. The middle note is a bouquet of jasmine, bamboo and white rose. The end note reveals hints of cedar wood, amber and musk. Fresh and Crisp.

Net Weight 4oz Bar

Lump Of Coal Holiday Soap

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 01:36:09 -0400

$5.25
You know, I kinda figure we all deserve a lump of coal this year. And if you've never gotten a lump of coal before, you're so past due and I'm sure you deserve it.

Consider yourself fortunate to have received this lump of coal if you got this as a gift. It's a very special lump of coal and you should be honored. No seriously, do you know how many chalk kids on Mars that would kill for this lump of coal? Ask your mother if you don't believe us, she'll tell you. She'll also remind you of all the starving children that will perish if you don't finish your peas. Just don't do what I did to my mom and tell her to let them have your damn peas then, because you certainly don't want them now, nor do you remember asking for them in the first place, and if she needs help packing them up to send to the starving children, you'll be in your room.

I think that was actually the year I got my very first lump of coal for Christmas. To be honest I think there was a beating involved as well, but I can't remember and my psychiatrist says I'm blocking it out.

Fresh Oranges and Pomegranates with a splash of Cranberry.

Net Weight 4.25oz

(This soap comes with the "description/story" on a little enclosed card, perfect for gift giving.)

Spicy Apples and Peaches Holiday Soap

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 20:11:27 -0400

$5.25
This was Ralph's contribution to the holiday soap line this year, and because he's pretty no nonsense, he named it as he saw fit. So I let him, and I apologize for the lack of a snazzy name.

Back when Ralph was a baby monkey running loose in the zoo, a lady leaned over the fence one Christmas Eve and offered him what was left of her fruit cup. Absolutely indignant, (He's a snob) and not liking the fact he was offered leftovers, he promptly tossed it back at her and flipped her the paw as he walked away. Needless to say, Santa didn't bring him his shiny red bike that year. And to be honest, from the looks of it this year isn't going to be his year either. *Sigh*

Just a little tiny bit exfoliating with bits of nutmeg and apricot meal, this scent is full of holiday goodness like warm cinnamon sugary peaches, holiday spices and crisp juicy apples. Ultra yummy and a perfect addition to your soap collection, no matter what time of year it is.

Net Weight 4.50-4.75 oz.

(This soap comes with the "description/story" on a little enclosed card, perfect for gift giving.)

Orange You Special - Orange and Vanilla Cream Lip Crack

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 23:49:20 -0400

Love You Long Time Soap

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:44:03 -0400

$5.25
The call of prostitutes fill the air as you walk down a deserted side street on your way to school in your little catholic uniform.

The sweet scent of fruity innocence surrounds you, and calls out to them like a homing device. You better run girl if you know what's good for you.

Fresh mango, Clementine’s and black currants, peach, rose, and coconut milk along with white musk, vanilla, and tamarind.

Net Weight 4.25-4.75oz

(Current batch doesn't have the little decorations stuck in them, but still the same otherwise. Sorry I ran out of what I was using. :) )

Ruby Red Slipper Soap

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:43:54 -0400

$5.00
There's no place like the shower!

Click your heels three times and grab this chunky bar and transport yourself to a place far, far away where your AMEx bill can't follow you. Highly moisturizing, feminine and bling bling to boot!

White Carnation and blood orange with sandalwood, black rose, smoky wood, patchouli, toasted vanilla bean and whiffs of vetiver, amber, and the tiniest touch of Egyptian musk

Net Weight 4-5oz

Junk In Your Trunk Full Sized Glycerin Soap 4oz

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:39:46 -0400

$5.00
This listing is for a FULL size 4oz bar.

Net Weight Full size 4oz bar

Sweet, warm and buttery vanilla cookies fresh from the oven dripping with melting blackberry jam.

Loves Me Some Lemon Curd Handmade Soap

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:28:59 -0400

$5.25
Tart lemon and sweet vanilla combine to make the most luscious smelling soap this side of the big Atlantic pond.

One of best sellers!

Size:
4.25-4.75oz.

Jail Bait Soap Vestal Virgin Collection Pure Vegan and EO soap 6.5oz bar

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:34:01 -0400

$7.00
Welcome to our pure Vestal Virgin EO soaps that are vegan friendly and contain no synthetic fragrances. You're asked for it, and we're listening to you.

Jail Bait is the first soap in the collection. A wonderful blend of Chamomile, Neroli, Petitgrain and a hint of lavender.

*Lavender Buds on top of soap for photo purposes only.
Soap contains fresh botanicals, bamboo silk and no color.

Net Weight 6.5oz bar

Putty In Your Hands Handmade Soap

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:33:57 -0400

$5.25
True fragrant lavender that mellows, calms and relaxes you to the core. Very much like spending a day at the spa without the highly buff and suntanned man to rub you down and make you feel like putty in his hands.

Bummer.

Size:
4.25 - 4.75 ounces
*Lavender buds for photo purposes only.
Due to the handmade nature of soap, no two batches are exactly alike though we do try really hard to be as consistent as we possibly can. Sometimes I just don't have enough brownies to feed the soap fairies. :(

Pink Hissy Fit Handmade Soap

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 18:50:57 -0400

$5.25
Fresh and tangy passionfruit and guava.

Net Weight 4.25-4.75oz.

Dream Big Handmade Soap

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:34:21 -0400

$5.25
Remember when you were a kid and you'd spend the summer afternoon lying on your back out in the yard watching the clouds and pointing out all the shapes?

Get yourself outside! You're never too old to dream big! Who cares what the neighbors think.

Fresh scent of Laundry and florals will whisk you away to your happy place. A must have for fresh clean scent lovers!

Net Weight 4 - 4.50oz bar

Strawberry Moonshine Handmade Soap

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 23:53:24 -0400

$5.25
Fresh, sweet, and sinfully sweet and juicy summer strawberries pulled fresh from the vine, squeezed, and then heavily fermented in... oh wait, that's the new moonshine recipe we've been working on. Let me back up!!

Before we started working on the moonshine, we made this delightfully scented soap. This stuff brings out the summer girl in all of us!

~hiccup~!

Net Weight 4.25-4.75oz

Plum Crazie Full Sized Glycerin Soap 4oz

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 11:50:46 -0400

$5.00
Rich, vibrant plums, raspberries, cranberry, citrus, apple, strawberry with a touch of vanilla, honey and rum.

Listing is for a full sized 4oz bar of soap.