One of the ultimate goals of a wedding? Creating an atmosphere in which your friends and relatives will dance like maniacs.  Who else should coach us on this fine art, dear Handmade Wedding Series readers, but our resident admin Matt, rockstar and wedding band freelancer.

Being at the age where many of my friends are getting married, I spend much of the summer overheating in a rented tuxedo, traipsing through fancy hotel lobbies and botanic gardens, and trying not to laugh at the best man’s inappropriate speech.  Nevertheless, I love weddings, specifically because it gives me an opportunity to “shake what my momma gave me.” I am a marvelous dancer, you see, and given the fact that I am unwilling to go out in Manhattan on a Friday or Saturday night (thanks for ruining that, New Jersey), weddings are my one opportunity to get down.

Clearly, I am not alone here. Even your grandma likes to shake it a wedding. That is why when selecting a band for your wedding you must be very, very, careful.

One need only spend about 15 seconds searching on Youtube to realize that just about every wedding band in the entire world is completely brutal. Theirs is a world of soulless renditions of James Brown’s  “I Got You (I Feel Good)," painfully ill-informed covers of “Hey Ya” by Outkast, and vomitory synthesizer horns.  

As an occasional performer in the only good wedding band in New York City, I feel qualified to offer the following five warning signs that the band you are thinking of hiring are maybe not so hot.

1. They have a name that speaks of wizards, heraldry, or medieval times.
2. They cover “To Be Real” or "Lady Marmalade."
3. They have a name that ends in a “z” or an exclamation point or both, as in Hitz!
4. They live with their parents.
5. They rap.

Ok, all my snobbishness aside, the best practical advice? If you can not find a good band, do not hire one at all. Instead, rent a loud sound system, ask your friends with good taste in music to do short DJ sets, and make room for me on the dance floor.

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