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how much money to give as a bar mitzvah gift?

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Maybe, but seems a bit much to me; again, what do I know? I have never been to one.

Posted at 3:36 pm Aug 31, 2008 EDT

it's seems a lot to me too! but then I'm always shocked at how much gift giving has changed over the years.

for my bat mitzvah I got books, jewelry boxes and a few posters from my friends at school!

Posted at 3:38 pm Aug 31, 2008 EDT

Since you know, I say go with your gut!

Posted at 3:41 pm Aug 31, 2008 EDT

Bar Mitzvah's and Bat Mitzva's are a very big deal... thi sis the day when the child becomes "of age" as an adult, to be a member of the congregation at his/her temple.... brought forward to make a speach about himself and his future and to read from the Torah. It is followed by a lavish party to celebrate the event.

This is not the typical birthday... this is an EVENT (with a capital E) and it's very typical to give gifts of some meaning.

Money will be put away and invested on their future, for schooling or such. It's well planned and well thought out. It's not JUST a birthday.

Posted at 3:59 pm Aug 31, 2008 EDT

$50...in the form of a gift certificate to amazon or a music store.

Posted at 7:54 pm Aug 31, 2008 EDT

Like a graduation except not for school.

Posted at 8:12 pm Aug 31, 2008 EDT

Or so I hear about graduations, gift-wise. I wouldn't personally know.

Posted at 8:20 pm Aug 31, 2008 EDT

I went to MANY bar mitzvahs, but this was about 20 years ago. Back then I think $50 was the going rate, so yeah, maybe $100 if you can afford to be generous; if not, I think $50 would be fine, especially if you are not attending. Also, for those of you think that is a lot of money, remember these are often elaborate, catered events, so each guest attending might be eating a dinner that cost $50 a person to feed them!

Posted at 8:37 pm Aug 31, 2008 EDT

clevergirl says

Also, I think it depends where you live/where the occasion is being held and not just the occasion...

I grew up in the burbs of NYC and $100 a head was pretty much the norm for every sort of event (and more if it was a relative or close family friend)... Often for bat and bar mitzvahs we would give a personal sentimental gift (ie a nice photo album) and money on top of that but then it would be less than the $100....

Basically, the rule (according to my folks but their friends seem to follow that formula) is to give the equivalent of what a plate would cost at the event...Of course this requires plenty of guesstimation....

We got married in NY but hubby's family is from New England and for our new england guests the norm was around $25 a head (even for occasions they don't have to travel 300 miles to)... Our wedding was in the neighborhood of $200-$275/person (for one day....it wasn't my idea! I wanted to elope...Hubby's family wanted the wedding...and ours was not extravagant believe it or not)

For catered events in the NY area (I saw that your profile says NYC) the cost per head is usually $50 (at the bare minimum) and up to a couple of hundred a person.... If it's a buffet at a days inn it'll be less expensive, at the plaza way more expensive...

So I'm guessing that bar and bat mizvahs are similar in their differences in gift amounts?

Of course, it also depends on your budget as well....

If you feel weird doing $100 maybe do $75? Or just send a gift rather than money?

Sorry to babble on about weddings, but all of these events tend to cost around the same and involve similar amounts of planning...

Posted at 8:48 pm Aug 31, 2008 EDT

depends on where you live - i see that you are from nyc - i dont know where you would have been traveling from - but the even is like a wedding. in nyc is a catered affair - and pricey - but being you and your family are not attending - i would go with the 75 - 100.00 -

Posted at 8:54 pm Aug 31, 2008 EDT

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