Business tip of the week

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Original Post

Hello all!

Yes, the tip of the week is back. I know all your businesses were failing tremendously in the last weeks without my help. And that is why I have decided to grace you with my useless knowledge yet again.

This week it's all about materials. Yes, yes, it's a controversial issue these days. That's why I thought it best to corral my tips into this pile of profundity.


"Materials. From the french word, 'merde'. The Latin 'mater'. The piglatin 'aterialsmay'.

They are what we use to make our crap. We grow our beads and mold our yarn to create the most lovely little things that hopefully others will find cool enough to pay us for. Like a poet uses words or a prostitute uses a condom, we use clay and fabric.

So it is only natural to want to insure our materials are of the greatest quality and sourced as humanely as possible. After all people who buy handmade want ethically created items otherwise they could just go buy stuff at Target.

Then again no material is sourced without an impact. Even if you grow your own soap, it is still sucking up valuable molecules from the environment. You think yarn comes out of a box? No! A seed is planted and baby yarns are harvested to get the finest and softest skeins. We are killing baby yarns to make the hats that the buyers want.

Remember, matter can neither be created nor destroyed. So you really aren't destroying anything regardless of what you use. Unless you are god, the molecules you rearrange in the creation of your own items will continue to be rearranged long after your demise.

So go ahead and kill the baby yarns, slay the soap seedlings, fish for the gold... cause one day it will go back into the earth and be fertilizer to grow the vegetables you'll have on your table. And without vegetables there's not enough fiber in your diet which can cause you to get really backed up. So thank the person who rapes the beads, harvests baby skeins, and strip mines the soap. Without them you'd be full of shit.

Then again some humans in fact emit methane which is a cause of global warming. So the bottom line is, you are the problem. Kill yourself and save the planet. It may not help your business, but stop being so selfish you twit."

Hope this helps!

Posted at 10:34am Oct 22, 2010 EDT

Responses

you know...sometimes, I think you deserve a Nobel prize...

for peace, of course

(what you think for literature? Gimme a break)

Posted at 10:36am Oct 22, 2010 EDT

You tell 'em knot!

Posted at 10:38am Oct 22, 2010 EDT

BuyMeLove says

I am in love with your posts. May I ask your permission for their hand in marriage?

Posted at 10:40am Oct 22, 2010 EDT

Ah! Awesome start to my morning on Etsy! And now, I gotta go pick beads. Mine grow on the front shrubs and if we don't pick them, we get overrun with little bead eating gnomes.

Posted at 10:43am Oct 22, 2010 EDT

crownofrue says

I had sex with her post, BML, her post is a whore.

Posted at 10:43am Oct 22, 2010 EDT

I put on music really loudly so I don't have to hear the yarn cry as I boil it.

Posted at 10:45am Oct 22, 2010 EDT

knot, I am glad that I wasn't drinking my coffe when I read your post.

I am still sitting here chuckling.

Now I have to go harvest those coasters before they get any bigger. I goofed and forgot a couple so they are now somewhat larger than a coaster so they will have to be called doilies now.

And dang one even went to seed!

Posted at 10:46am Oct 22, 2010 EDT

Thanks to Knot and Crown, I may or may not have peed myself a little.

Posted at 10:46am Oct 22, 2010 EDT

lol, oh my

Posted at 10:47am Oct 22, 2010 EDT