Sometimes complaints will be false

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Original Post

So the holiday season is over. You're tired. You're burnt out. And you're now starting to get the questions from holiday orders like, 'Is there any way to stop sweating underneath these latex pants? You didn't say anything in your item description about the rash I would get' or 'I thought this item was real gold. Yes, yes, I know it was only $19.95 but you didn't say it wasn't solid 24K gold so I just assumed it was.'

People can be like that. They can be difficult. They can be of questionable mental capacity. You have to remember that sometimes complaints will be false. They still exist but are based in fallacy. Without getting too philosophical about this, I'll give you an analogy. Somebody could say 'I can piss rainbows.' Yes to them it may be true but it is still utter shite. Unless they have some kind of freaky infection, but I digress. So how do you deal with these one molecule short of being a carbon based unit beings? Get on their level. Yes, you read that right. Tie a few neurons behind your back and think like they do.

Hmm... latex pants cause you to sweat? Who would've thought that? That's shocking! See, that's thinking on their level. To the rest of humanity it is simply common sense to know a fabric which doesn't breathe will cause one's skin to emit a sheen of liquid. But to the false complainers it is a bit of knowledge that is wholly new to them. It's like the cavemen discovering fire. They dance around their latex pants the way the cavemen danced around their first bundle of ignited sticks. Probably with a lot of the same grunting, pointing and blistering.

But if you think like they do you can see their frustration and empathize. Plus, it will give you the ability to laugh off the other ways these folks affect your life.

You know how when you go through a drive through and the order is wrong? How could they get it wrong when you only ordered a Diet Coke? Who in their right mind can't keep that straight? Why give me a Dr. Pepper you walking pile of sub-functioning cells? But after you get on their level, you see that it's all a great opportunity to make simple connections. Dr. Pepper and Diet Coke both begin with 'D' and have an 'e' somewhere. See? It's perfectly logical to substitute one for the other. In fact you were probably being quite unreasonable to expect anyone to know the difference. Other words start with 'D' too like double cheeseburger. Aren't you glad they didn't give you a cup full of double cheeseburger? Wouldn't that have been worse?

In conclusion, your business is a reflection of who you are. Don't let the false complainers get to you. It will only bring you down and cause you to do unreasonable things like say 'Okay, okay I'll buy an institutional size container of talc and send it to you for free so you can stay dry next time you wear your latex pants.'

Remember, get on their level. A better solution would be, 'Well, I'll make a special pair of invisible latex pants and send them to you gratis. It's alien technology that stops humans from sweating.' I guarantee they'll be satisfied with the invisible pants and you'll have much less stress. And if all else fails they'll probably be arrested for indecent exposure and I doubt you can buy things on Etsy if you're in prison. So that will be the end of their complaining.

Posted at 9:57am Jan 4, 2011 EST

Responses

Whenever I hear the words "latex pants" I will now think of this post. :)

Posted at 10:02am Jan 4, 2011 EST

1mADwoman says

HAHAHAHAH! I love this - thank you so much for making me laugh this morning. You're awesome. :D Have a great day, hon.

Posted at 10:05am Jan 4, 2011 EST

ZenHen says

♥ ♥ ♥ as always !

Posted at 10:07am Jan 4, 2011 EST

KATALINS says

love this post! :) just always in fear of sweating, latex- pants wearing false complainers leaving bad feedback instead of asking for a tub of talcum powder first! happy new year!

Posted at 10:11am Jan 4, 2011 EST

fancy4u says

love this post! thanks for the laughs today!

Posted at 10:11am Jan 4, 2011 EST

Very funny. Thanks for the laugh :-)

Posted at 10:11am Jan 4, 2011 EST

Happy New Year, knot! Thanks for the morning chuckle!

Posted at 10:13am Jan 4, 2011 EST

crownofrue says

I love you.

Posted at 10:13am Jan 4, 2011 EST