Spouse rant

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hollygems says

I don't know why he keeps getting arrested, but it sounds like he has some major issues and would rather shift the focus to you instead of looking at himself.

Posted at 12:45pm Jan 11, 2011 EST

LaurieRyan says

there are shelters you can go to, find one now!

Posted at 12:48pm Jan 11, 2011 EST

Fyrecreek says

Abbyka says:
He works part time only. For a while he was unemployed and still did nothing to help and bitched. Maybe for a week or two when he got arrested he did the house work and cared for the kids because I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. But since then he does the minimal.

If I tried sitting down and talking to him he has this whole thing of blaming me. I tell him something that bothers me and he says "But you...." sentences. If I had soemwhere to go I'd probably leave because I am really sick of this behavior and the shitty life he's given us by being a total dumbass and getting arrested. He lost his job as a result of that! It's been almost a year and I still haven't really forgiven him.

That makes a difference. It's definitely "You don't like the way I do it, do it yourself." If he wants to complain about that you can rebut with "who would do these things for you if I wasn't here? Maybe you need to think about that."

And if you're that close to the end of your rope, getting out sooner rather than later is probably a good move.

Posted at 12:51pm Jan 11, 2011 EST

echoart says

How long have the two of you been together? Is he the father of your kids? Has he always acted like a 16 year old boy? What did he get arrested for?

Posted at 12:59pm Jan 11, 2011 EST

Abbyka says

He didn't used to be like this. He used to help and was a nice guy. But then he started smoking pot and got arrested twice. First time he lied and said the pot was leftover from before he married me and he must have forgot it was there. Second time he finally admitted it because I was suspicious and he was in jail an entire weekend.

The main reason I haven't left is because I don't want to start over again. I was in two relationships before my husband and each guy was way worse than he is. They were abusive and one of them ran off with everything I owned. My mom said I can come home but she wants me to take a bus home. Which means I have to leave my entire life behind AGAIN and take two kids on the bus with me(which I refuse to do, I am never traveling with my kids again). But then there is my daughter. She's a big daddy's girl and she'd probably be heart broken and hate me forever if I left.

Posted at 1:17pm Jan 11, 2011 EST

echoart says

Would he consider rehab and/or counseling?

Posted at 1:26pm Jan 11, 2011 EST

Your daughter sounds young enough that she doesn't realize what kind of person he is. Believe me, once she gets old enough she will start putting the pieces together and have an epiphany, and it'll suck. It might hurt now, but it will be best for her in the long run if he refuses to get treatment or work on his issues.

Posted at 1:35pm Jan 11, 2011 EST

If he refuses to acknowledge and work on his problem, you should consider if this is really how you want to spend the rest of your life.

Posted at 1:38pm Jan 11, 2011 EST

I would say counseling before divorce. It seems to me people are too quick to file for divorce instead of trying to work things out first.

Posted at 1:40pm Jan 11, 2011 EST

Abbyka says

I asked him to consider drug counseling and marriage counseling. He's avoided it ever since I mentioned it.

My daughter is 3. She loves her father so much that she doesn't like me much. Everytime she comes home from school if he's not the one to pick her up she'll scowl at me and have a tantrum.

Posted at 1:42pm Jan 11, 2011 EST