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*3.5 YEARS LATER* I have ups and downs with how I feel about this zine. It’s been over three and a half years of evolving and growing that makes me feel very embarrassed about the writing compiled in this zine. There have been many times when I’ve hovered over the “Delete Listing” button on Etsy, but every time I contemplate this, I get a new message from someone who says my writing made them laugh and scream and cry and feel not alone and see everything differently. They remind me that just because I feel that I am past that particular revelatory identity-forming stage of my life does not mean that there aren’t others who don’t need to keep hearing the thoughts and emotions that poured out of me so necessarily almost 4 years ago. In summary, this writing was crucial to my sanity and existence in 2012, but it is now 2016. It no longer feels all-encompassingly representative of the politics of my identity, but I deeply understand it’s significance for some people who have not yet heard or articulated the things I wrote about. I intend to distribute this zine as long as there are people who need it. At the same time, I am thinking about a second zine titled “Not Straight Not White.. Boy Though?”

I am second generation Vietnamese-American, female/boy and v v gay. Written mid & post being violently dragged through white punk communities.

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“I wrote this zine because there is a lack of media that I can really, truly relate to. It is glaringly obvious that this radical scene is comprised mostly of heteros, of whites, and of males. I am Asian, I am hella gay, and I am female.

Disclaimer: I wrote this for me a lot more than I wrote it for you. There is a lack of solution offering, and at the same time a lot rambling, because it is cathartic for me. It is highly anecdotal; I write from experience. Don’t assume that my aim is to educate ignorant fucks. It is not my job to cry and bleed so that they can fucking evolve.

Always for the greater gay,

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Hand-designed cover

Introduction note

“And Ode to Chinkophiles: Y.e.l.l.o.w.F.e.v.e.r”

"Chauncey: This fucking guy" - a detailed account of the wildly inappropriate escapades of a middle-aged white man projecting his yellow fetish onto yours truly

“I Have Discovered the Words with Which to Express my Visceral Resentment of White Cockiness” - where I bitterly examine my aesthetic inferiority complex
(^ and a follow-up clarification on the preceding essay)

“Sorry, Mom” - being vietnamese-american in america can be fucking irritating..

“Pre-Gay” - some things i want to say to old friends and family

“But Really, Come On, You Surely Know By Now” - about the differences in expectations in ‘female’ attire and aesthetic and ‘male’ attire and aesthetic

"Dysfunction Over Fashion" - how my boi-complex fucks with my wardrobe choices

“Proving Myself: as an Asian and as a Female” - where I discuss, shortly, my relentless need to prove to everyone that I can be “better” than my stereotype
(^ and a follow-up clarification on the preceding essay)

“Your Masculinity is Under Attack: In response to the new onslaught of ad campaigns that perpetuate sexism under the guise of ‘making fun of sexism through exaggeration’” - an obnoxious, satirical piece

“Some Shit Some M-Fuckers Said to Me" documentation of vocalized, 21st century gendered bigotry, just a few months’ worth of sexist, patronizing remarks

“Some More Shit Some Other M-Fuckers Said to Me" - casual list of some racist shit people have said to me

“Not Asian Enough / Too Asian: month one - working in a Vietnamese restaurant couched in white O.C.”

"Broken" - a weird arty thing symbolizing South East Asian-American diasporic identity crises idk

“E.S.L.” - short and dry. about my being a 1st generation American in my family and not understanding American customs

“A/S/L? 13/M/CA” - a short essay about how i used to create online role-playing characters to live out my dreams and escape my identity

"Don't Tell Your Parents I Think They're Racist: (unless I've asked you to)" - PSA to white allies. In summary, don't decide for me when I should have race talks/race fights, and don't decide for me which relationships I must now compromise for the "greater good"
(^ a follow-up/amendment on the preceding essay where, upon further analysis of white-privilege and anti-blackness, i retract some contentions i'd previously made)

“White People Making White People Jokes” - where i discuss why i don’t think it’s always appropriate

"Sup, Hypocrites" - shortly addressing skinny-shame, prude-shame, and femme-shame

"Microcosms of Patriarchy" - hiding from the world in the radical scene does not mean hiding from non-consensual, intimate contact, unfortunately

"Being Conscious of Womanhood" - an analysis of the unconscious things i do because i am hyper-aware of what it means to be a woman in this society

"On Privilege, Allies, and Bitterness" - me listing and rambling for a page about the aforementioned topics

“Cathartic Vomit” - me being pissed about this and that

comic relief


- i won't charge you if you live in vietnam.
- if you need a shipping option for your country added, let me know
- real-life friends, you don't have to pay me, doopies.
- can't afford it? wanna trade for your zines? message me
- infoshops, distros, galleries; let me know in what spaces you plan on hosting this zine

zine - "Not Straight Not White Not Male" - 3rd edition

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