Fictional Map of a Theoretical (yet Improbable) Subway Map of the Dutch City of Haarlem (A2 paper size; frame not included)
Welcome to Haarlem, home to the country’s most overly extensive metro transit network for a mid-sized city that already has a perfectly suitable bus network. The Haarlem Metro: so underground that you’ve probably never heard of it.
For the convenience of the international visitor, this map has been translated into English with the highest degree of literal accuracy, ensuring that no confusion will arise whatsoever when finding your way around the City of Mosquitos. Now you too can explore this beautiful city without being put on the wrong leg or feeling like you have been sent from the cupboard to the wall.
Take a smooth ride from the northwestern city of Eyemouth all the way to the picturesque town of Homestead in the south, or skip the busy city centre during the weekends by hopping on at Bitch Park and getting off at the Summer Quay. Traverse the Cannamere Dunes while pondering the natural beauty going over your head, or leave for an adventurous detour all the way to the historical streets of Hillygum.
The unique Haarlem Metro Transit Network is available both to the weary commuter seeking an easy and accessible method to get from Ampants to Birdsong, and to those audacious pioneers looking for the road less travelled. Pay no heed to the pretentious voices in Amsterdam saying ‘why would you even want to go there’, ‘what does a town this size need a metro for’ or ‘excuse me, I’m trying to get to work, stop harassing me with random questions about Haarlem’. The Haarlem Metro is truly something you have to see in order to believe.