How To Kill Vampires because they are Unnatural Jerks, book signed Christopher Pinto & Crystobal, Occult Vampirism Humor Vampire Killing Kit



Only 1 available

Arrives soon! Get it by Dec 6
Dec 6

Selling fast! Only 1 left, and 1 person has it in their cart.

  • Handmade
  • Materials: paper, brains, nerves, intelligence, creativity, booze, photos, vampire blood

Signed by the authors, Amazon Best Selling Author Christopher Pinto (me) and CRYSTOBAL, the Gothic Artist (and self-proclaimed vampire hunter) who creates all those cool Vampire Killing Kits that I sell!

Yes ladies and gents, I wrote, did the very artful layout, and designed the cover for this FULL COLOR photo/art book on how to kill those pesky vampires.

What it is:
Over 100 FULL COLOR pages of original photos, informative graphics, and handy information all about how to hunt, find, and destroy those smelly, dirty vampires.

What you get:
A brand new softcover edition, signed by the author. Full color cover, FULL COLOR interior on parchment-like pages, trade paperback 5.5"x8.5" high quality, professionally printed book. This is no cheapo job. The colors are vibrant and the book is truly a work of art.

"How To Kill Vampires because they are unnatural jerks" is a tongue-in-cheek, humorous "how to" book for the aspiring vampire hunter. CRYSTOBAL, Gothic Artist and Vampire Hunter, has decided to share his decades of wisdom and experience in locating and dusting those annoying blood suckers.

Smarmy, sarcastic, and of course a little cheesy, this book actually lays out plans for finding and staking real vampires. CRYSTOBAL gives tips on where to find vamps, the differences that vampires of different regions in the US possess, and weaponry: Including a complete section on his Vampire Killing Kits, and their use. There's even a history of vampires in America (dating back to colonial times) and his opinions on Vampires in the movies.

As an added treat, CRYSTOBAL tells a few stories about his vampire hunting adventures (with extremely rare actual photos of vampiresses). It ends with his story of "the one that got away".

This is a must-have for anyone who likes vampires, the occult, anything paranormal or even if you're just a weirdo. Great conversation piece!

For more information on the book, visit the official site of CRYSTOBAL's work at Also available for Kindle, see site for details.


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Dec 6

Nov 29

After you place your order, VampireOddities will take 1 business day to prepare it for shipment.

Nov 30

VampireOddities puts your order in the mail.

Dec 6

Estimated to arrive at your doorstep Dec 6!

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Etsy offsets carbon emissions from shipping and packaging on this purchase.

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Ships from Fort Lauderdale, FL

Christopher Pinto

Christopher Pinto

Owner of VampireOddities

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51 shop reviews

5 out of 5 stars
5 out of 5 stars

Exceeded my expectations!! Very well made! Looks incredible! Can't wait to have it on display at our Halloween party this year!

Amanda Strong Aug 10, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Gorgeous kit! A minor issue during shipping, but seller/artist was quick to fix it. Love his work!!!

5 out of 5 stars

It was delivered while at work and I ZOOMED home to unpack it. Absolutely beautiful!

Charise Bejarano Mar 10, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Cutest little working sewing machine ever!!! Seller was kind enough to throw in extras to get me started on my sewing project. Super fast shipping and quick email updates. Will definitely by from seller again! Highly recommended!!! Many thanks.

vy Le May 6, 2014

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