Close

Whoa! You can't favorite your own shop.

Whoa! You can't buy your own item.

Whoa! You can't favorite own item.

Whoa! You can't add your own item to a list.

Add this item to a treasury!

Close
You don't have any treasuries yet. Enter a title below to create one.
Close

This item has been added.

View your treasury.

This item sold on January 7, 2011.

Like this item?

Add it to your favorites to revisit it later.
From the Gospel of Nul-luk the Follower (Follow Sasquatch Jesus on twitter at sasquatchjesus.)

33: They came to a place called Spokane, (which means the place to be bored out of one's skull).
34: It was far away from Sasquatch Jesus' forested home.
35: Along with Sasquatch Jesus was his mother Mary, and his beloved disciple Mary of Magdelene, otherwise known as Miriam.
36: There in the empty plains, they erected a cross and crucified Sasquatch Jesus. The sky grew dark and the sun turned as black as sack cloth. Above his head was placed a sign that said: THE KING OF SASQUATCH.
37: Two robbers were crucified with him, one on his right and one on his left.
38: At his feet, his Mary his Mother wept.
39: Jesus looked down, and his heart was filled with pity. He spoke, “Mother, why do you weep? Is not my Father coming to save me?”
40: Mary looked around, “Your father?! Yes, your father could save you! Where is he?”
41: “Mother, you of all people should know, my Father is everywhere. He is all powerful and all knowing and he will save me.”
42: “Oh, you mean your Father, the one and true God, and not some wild-eyed centurion with a husky voice and the heady scent of beer and blood that I may or may not have met at a bar one night.” Mary averted her eyes.
43: “Mother, I will soon be with my Father. And the world will be saved from his terrible wrath.”
43: Mary, his mother fell to her knees, “But you have not finished your mission here on Earth!”
44: “Oh, Holiest of Mothers, but I have. I have shown the world the wonders of my fathers power. I have taught them to love my fathers grace, and to fear his terrible anger. I now I am sacrificing myself to atone for all of the wickedness of sasquatchkind. What else is there to do?”
45: “I want a grandchild.”
46: “I am God the father's only begotten son. I am to remain pure and sinless. How could you ask such a thing from me?”
47: “Do you not think that God's only begotten Grandson is a part of his plan?”
48: “Mother, you know not what you ask! My time is near. Soon I will be at my Father's side, and we will return to judge the living and the dead.”
49: “Your Father, your Father. That is all you ever talk about. So why has he forsaken me? Who will take care of me when I am old and you are gone?”
50: “My Father will, dear mother, for in Him all things are accomplished.”
51: “Horseshit. I have followed you for thirty-three years! Most women my age are great-grand parents! All I want is a grandson!!"
52: “Mother!!” exclaimed Sasquatch Jesus, most exasperatedly. Grey clouds began to form in the sky.
53: “Oh come on!” continued Mary. “What about Miriam?” Is she not your beloved disciple? I know she does not have a beard like a proper Sasquatch, but I am sure that she is fertile.”
54: “I am on this cross so that I might save Sasquatchkind from the sin that engulfs the world. I must be a pure sacrifice to appease my father. And I am on a cross.”
55. “Son, I'm sure we can work something out. We can get a blanket and a ladder. If your anything like your father, it won't take that long and one time is all you'll need. I need a grandchild.”
56: “Mother! Please! Miriam is not that kind of Sasquatch. She is a loyal and pure disciple. She will lead the cause after I am seated at the right hand of the father. By the way, where is Miriam?”
57: Miriam was standing away from the base of the cross with her arm around a Roman sasquatch. The cock crowed.
58: Jesus cried, “Miriam, Miriam, why hast thou forsaken me?”
59: Miriam turn and walked toward the cross. The soldier followed. “Hey, Jesus,” said she. “This is Brutus the Bigfoot.” Miriam said without taking her eyes of Brutus.
58: “Miriam, my beloved disciple, why are you talking to that Roman soldier? Are you trying to convert him to save his lost soul?” Jesus questioned in a hopeful voice.
59: “Jesus we need to talk.” Miriam lowered her head.
60: “Miriam? In me you can confide all of your sins, and I will forgive.” Sasquatch Jesus said.
61: “Look Jesus, the last couple of years have been fun, with all of the wandering and teaching. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute of it, and I wouldn't change a thing. I liked wandering through the country without a care or penny in the world. But a girl has got to grow up and settle down. Brutus here has a good job. He has his own cave.” Miriam said as she took the hand of Brutus.
62: “But Miriam, I have a place in Heaven, and through me and only me will you see the Father!” Jesus said.
63: “Jesus, you have to face the facts. We've grown apart. I have needs and wants. You're up there on a cross. I'm going one way and you're, well, going away. I just don't think our relationship has a future. If I don't go now, I'll just end up resenting you, and I want to remain friends.” Miriam tried to smile.
64: “Miriam, I'll be back in three days. We can talk more about this then.” Jesus pleaded.
65: “Sorry, Jesus. I love you, but I am not in love with you. I am sorry. Stay strong and hang in there. You'll find another... well, say hi to your Father for me.” she blushed and turned to walk away from Jesus.
66: Jesus was about to speak, but then a centurion thrust a spear into the side of Jesus.
67: “Ow! That hurt.” Jesus yelled.
68: “Sorry, just doing my job,” replied the Roman soldier.
69: “Miriam! Wait!” But by that time Miriam was no longer at the foot of the cross. She was passionately making out with Brutus the Bigfoot.
70: “Oh way to go Jesus!” cried Mary with sarcasm. “What kind of son leaves his mother all alone with no hope of grandchildren?! Well, I always knew that Miriam was a hussy! Which is why I always hoped...” again Mary began to weep.
71: And then the sky grew dark. Sasquatch Jesus looked into the heavens “Father, you can step in anytime now.... Dad?.... Dad?”

This classical rendering of the Passion is 19"*15".

The Passion of Sasquatch Jesus

Overview

  • Materials: duck tape, duct tape, electrical tape, glow in the dark tape, foil tape, medical tape
  • Ships worldwide from United States
  • Feedback: 22 reviews
  • Favorited by: 5 people