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MATURE ADULT Humor Valentine Card \/ I Don't Want Candy... (CSW-V007)

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Unusual Valentine card.

I don’t want candy, jewels or a rose,
Or fancy cards with romantic prose.

All that stuff I can get on my own,
There is only one thing I can’t do alone.

So pucker up sweetie and give it a go...

My pussy can't lick itself you know!

Heavy 88# textured cover stock, white, for art canvas look. Printed on photo printer at highest possible dpi (9600 x 2400 dpi). Hand scored and folded. 4.25" x 5.5" (10.8 cm x 13.97 cm). 1 card. (Printing may be outsourced on occasion.)

One of two (our choice) heavy weight envelopes. Either Metallic inside and out (color varies) or a beautiful speckled beige. No horrid white interior either way. You'll thank us for it later. See photo 5. Size A2 (4.375" x 5.625" or 11.11 cm x 14.6 cm). 1 envelope.

Packaged in cellophane condom so it can't reproduce. Resealable.

Most items ship USPS within 36 hours. All items ship within 3 business days. Domestic (USA) orders over $20 receive delivery confirmation. Expedited available. More information in Shop Policies. http:\/\/www.etsy.com\/shop_policy.php?user_id=5808348

If this item is sold out, it will be relisted within 12 hours. If you don't see it relisted within that time frame, try shopping at www.shopflytrap.com or contact us at service [!at] shopflytrap.com.
Mean, rude, obnoxious, snarky greeting cards and other gifts for edgy, irreverent people. We make smart people laugh.

Frequently asked questions about FlytrapOnE

Yes. Within 60 days of item receipt, you can return like-new products for a full refund. Contact Flytrap to start process. Blind returns not accepted.
· · · Standard Shipping: 4-10 business days
· · · USPS Priority Shipping: 3-4 business days
· · · USPS Express Shipping: 2-3 business days

· · · Standard / First Class Shipping: 2-4 weeks
· · · USPS Priority Shipping: 1-2 weeks
· · · USPS Express Shipping: 0-1 week
Only on orders over $300. Add personal message, change copy, or get custom design. See PRINTABLES at http://printables.shopflytrap.com for cheap alternatives and self-customization options.
Yes. Spend-based coupons are listed in each product description.
Maybe. If your order receipt says "Not Shipped", contact Flytrap to cancel.
Profitable, Reliable, and Unconventional. You'll work with an 8+ year wholesale veteran to get over 50% off MSRP. Enjoy low minimums, speedy delivery, and easy returns. Order now at http://wholesale.shopflytrap.com
Yes, but the discounts aren’t as generous. Contact me for more info.
Maybe. I'm happy to send samples to the right blogger with the right credentials. I'm also open to giveaways, etc. Please contact me for info.

MATURE ADULT Humor Valentine Card \/ I Don't Want Candy... (CSW-V007)


  • Materials: paper, ink
  • Ships worldwide from United States
  • Feedback: 6439 reviews
  • Favorited by: 3 people