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Absolutely absurd card set. Card set. Blank card. All occasions. Absurd humor. Wry humor. Surreal. Humorous gift cards. Gift card holder

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Description

CARD PURPOSE:
Watch the delight and high expectations melt off of friends and loved-ones' faces when they peel open the envelope to find they're receiving any of these touchingly thoughtful 'gifts'!

• Use this card to gift very thin objects. Or simply use it to be an All-Occasion Smartass.


CARD PACK TECH SPECS:
- Set contains total of SIX (6) cards with accompanying envelopes.
- Set contains one of each design: 'Nowhere', 'Tax Code', 'Watching Paint Dry', 'Museum of Insurance', 'Schroedinger', and 'Ear Cleaning'.
- Each folded card measures 5.5" wide by 4.25" high (standard A2 card).
- Blank inside.
- Black ink on 80lb uncoated, more rigid, textured, white card stock.
- 100% recycled brown bag kraft envelope (70lb text, square flap) (standard A2 envelope).
- Designed and printed in Chicago. Woot!


CARD COPY:
1 > Gift Card for First Class Tickets to Nowhere:
Gift card for: First Class tickets to Nowhere! Enjoy such activities as: Waiting indefinitely! Navel gazing! Thumb twiddling! Stop running around in circles! Gondé Fast's Top Destination. Customer quote: My family had so much fun! Staring at each other for five days was transformative!

2 > Gift Card Redeemable for Copy of U.S. Tax Code:
Gift card redeemable for one copy of the United States Tax Code - Illustrated! 75,000 pages of gloriousness! Autographed by all three Commissioners! Erotica for Tax Accountants! Guaranteed Sleep Aid!

3 > Admissions Passes to 7 Days of Watching Paint Dry:
Enjoy your Seven Days of Watching Paint Dry! (Admissions passes enclosed.) Seven days of nothing but paint watching! Millions of square feet of bare walls to stare at! Boredom has never been so exciting!
Day 1: Ooh, wet paint! What lovely shade of doldrum! I'm having fun already!
Day 4: Whoa! It's moist now! The monotony complements the tedium stunningly! This is so exciting! I'm not quite sure what to do with myself! (Officer - Hey! If I hear you getting rowdy in there, I'll escort you off the premises myself!
Day 7: Ma'am, kindly refrain from Banging Your Head Against the Wall. We are not offering that activity today.

4 > Tickets to The Museum of Insurance Policies:
Enclosed are tickets to a fun day at the Museum of Insurance Policies! Woo hoo! Partake in fan favorite activities and exhibits: Policy Jeopardy ('Alex, I'll take Bodily Dismemberment for $500.'); A History of Insurance; Policy Slam Night ('My ennui: catastrophe. Acts of God, I mused, as the policy burned... to ashes... to ashes... to ashes.. hush.')

5 > Shroedinger’s Gift Card:
Schroedinger's Card: Open and get either a $10 billion check or a $10 billion bill! ($10B check automatically enrolls you in the Tres Commas Club).

6 > Gift Card for Ten Ear Cleaning Classes:
Gift card for: Ten ear cleaning classes at Earnie's Ear Cleaning Emporium! Learn to avoid common pitfalls: [cleaning with] toilet brushes, kitchen tools, cats. Become a Q-tip Ninja! (Disclaimer: Earnie's does its best to create a safe swabbing environment. However, Earnie's will not be responsible for injuries sustained by using Q-tips in a manner for which they were not intended. This includes: eating Q-tips, sticking Q-tips in any crevice or orifice other than your ear or the crevices, orifices, or ears of others.
CARD PURPOSE:
Watch the delight and high expectations melt off of friends and loved-ones' faces when they peel open the envelope to find they're receiving any of these touchingly thoughtful 'gifts'!

• Use this card to gift very thin objects. Or simply use it to be an All-Occasion Smartass.


CARD PACK TECH SPECS:
- Set contains total of SIX (6) cards with accompanying envelopes.
- Set contains one of each design: 'Nowhere', 'Tax Code', 'Watching Paint Dry', 'Museum of Insurance', 'Schroedinger', and 'Ear Cleaning'.
- Each folded card measures 5.5" wide by 4.25" high (standard A2 card).
- Blank inside.
- Black ink on 80lb uncoated, more rigid, textured, white card stock.
- 100% recycled brown bag kraft envelope (70lb text, square flap) (standard A2 envelope).
- Designed and printed in Chicago. Woot!


CARD COPY:
1 > Gift Card for First Class Tickets to Nowhere:
Gift card for: First Class tickets to Nowhere! Enjoy such activities as: Waiting indefinitely! Navel gazing! Thumb twiddling! Stop running around in circles! Gondé Fast's Top Destination. Customer quote: My family had so much fun! Staring at each other for five days was transformative!

2 > Gift Card Redeemable for Copy of U.S. Tax Code:
Gift card redeemable for one copy of the United States Tax Code - Illustrated! 75,000 pages of gloriousness! Autographed by all three Commissioners! Erotica for Tax Accountants! Guaranteed Sleep Aid!

3 > Admissions Passes to 7 Days of Watching Paint Dry:
Enjoy your Seven Days of Watching Paint Dry! (Admissions passes enclosed.) Seven days of nothing but paint watching! Millions of square feet of bare walls to stare at! Boredom has never been so exciting!
Day 1: Ooh, wet paint! What lovely shade of doldrum! I'm having fun already!
Day 4: Whoa! It's moist now! The monotony complements the tedium stunningly! This is so exciting! I'm not quite sure what to do with myself! (Officer - Hey! If I hear you getting rowdy in there, I'll escort you off the premises myself!
Day 7: Ma'am, kindly refrain from Banging Your Head Against the Wall. We are not offering that activity today.

4 > Tickets to The Museum of Insurance Policies:
Enclosed are tickets to a fun day at the Museum of Insurance Policies! Woo hoo! Partake in fan favorite activities and exhibits: Policy Jeopardy ('Alex, I'll take Bodily Dismemberment for $500.'); A History of Insurance; Policy Slam Night ('My ennui: catastrophe. Acts of God, I mused, as the policy burned... to ashes... to ashes... to ashes.. hush.')

5 > Shroedinger’s Gift Card:
Schroedinger's Card: Open and get either a $10 billion check or a $10 billion bill! ($10B check automatically enrolls you in the Tres Commas Club).

6 > Gift Card for Ten Ear Cleaning Classes:
Gift card for: Ten ear cleaning classes at Earnie's Ear Cleaning Emporium! Learn to avoid common pitfalls: [cleaning with] toilet brushes, kitchen tools, cats. Become a Q-tip Ninja! (Disclaimer: Earnie's does its best to create a safe swabbing environment. However, Earnie's will not be responsible for injuries sustained by using Q-tips in a manner for which they were not intended. This includes: eating Q-tips, sticking Q-tips in any crevice or orifice other than your ear or the crevices, orifices, or ears of others.

Payment options

Secure options
  • Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits
Etsy keeps your payment information secure. Etsy shops never receive your credit card information.

Returns & exchanges

I gladly accept returns and cancellations
Contact me within: 3 days of delivery
Ship items back within: 14 days of delivery
Request a cancellation within: 24 hours of purchase
I don't accept exchanges
But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.
Conditions of return
Buyers are responsible for return shipping costs. If the item is not returned in its original condition, the buyer is responsible for any loss in value.

FAQs

Quantities of 1-6 cards are shipped in 9" x 6" envelopes.

Quantities of 7+ cards are shipped in small corrugated boxes (7.5"L x 5.5"W x Up to 2"D) or large corrugated boxes (10"W x 8"W x Up to 8"D).

Sometimes, we include a little invite to a brief customer experience survey. (We like data!)
US Postal Service. USPS First Class Letter/Lg Envelope or USPS First Class Package (aka Parcel) service depending on the quantity ordered.

If you'd prefer a different service, please reach out to me.
Typically with 1-2 business days of cleared payment.
See: https://www.usps.com/ship/welcome.htm for estimated shipping times.

If you don't receive your order, please contact us!
Please do not use our paper products to clean your bottom although you might be tempted to do so.
We enjoy flashing our brilliant cupcakes at life.
No, although you could say our humor is filtered through moonshine. Especially apple pie flavored moonshine.

MoonshinePaperLLC made this item with help from

  • Blooming Color, Naperville, IL
MoonshinePaperLLC made this item with help from:
  • Blooming Color, Naperville, IL

Absolutely absurd card set. Card set. Blank card. All occasions. Absurd humor. Wry humor. Surreal. Humorous gift cards. Gift card holder

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$16.50
Free shipping to United States
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Overview

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From United States
Returns accepted
See return policy

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