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Dark, Vast, and Zesty Funny Cross Stitch Pattern PDF

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Description

This Dark, Vast, and Zesty cross stitch project sounds rather rude and mature, but it has a much more innocent origin. A family member got himself into a big financial mess, and it took all of his friends and family (we're talking 10-15 people) to help dig him out. One person made an extensive list of every debt and issue outstanding. When this person emailed the list to the others helping, he prefaced it by saying the list was "... dark, vast, and zesty."

Of course, "dark, vast, and zesty" could refer to a number of different situations, some more virtuous than others, but it remains a really funny quote and a great reminder to find the humor in less than ideal circumstances.

The variegated floss used in the project is DMC Coloris 4507 Bougainvillea, available in my shop here: https://www.etsy.com/listing/293716425/dmc-4507-coloris-variegated-6-strand.

Size:
83 stitches wide by 53 stitches tall. Finished size will vary depending on the count fabric/canvas you choose. In 14 count aida, the project will be 5.9 x 3.8 in (15.1 x 9.6 cm) before it is finished. This will fit perfectly into a standard 5 x 7 inch frame.

Format:
This is for the pattern ONLY. This is not a kit nor is it the finished product. The pattern comes in .PDF format with a full color chart, color legend with DMC numbers and instructions for cross-stitch. All pages will be formatted to 8 1/2" x 11" paper. You will need Adobe Reader to open the file, which you can get free at http://get.adobe.com/reader/.

Terms:
After purchasing this digital file, you’ll see a link to the Downloads page. Downloads are available once your payment is confirmed. Please refer to this article if you have questions about the download process: https://www.etsy.com/help/article/3949

Because the pattern is delivered electronically, no refunds can be made. This design is not the result from pattern generator software. Patterns are for personal use only and please do not distribute any copies of the pattern. Finished pieces may be given as gifts, but not sold for profit.
This Dark, Vast, and Zesty cross stitch project sounds rather rude and mature, but it has a much more innocent origin. A family member got himself into a big financial mess, and it took all of his friends and family (we're talking 10-15 people) to help dig him out. One person made an extensive list of every debt and issue outstanding. When this person emailed the list to the others helping, he prefaced it by saying the list was "... dark, vast, and zesty."

Of course, "dark, vast, and zesty" could refer to a number of different situations, some more virtuous than others, but it remains a really funny quote and a great reminder to find the humor in less than ideal circumstances.

The variegated floss used in the project is DMC Coloris 4507 Bougainvillea, available in my shop here: https://www.etsy.com/listing/293716425/dmc-4507-coloris-variegated-6-strand.

Size:
83 stitches wide by 53 stitches tall. Finished size will vary depending on the count fabric/canvas you choose. In 14 count aida, the project will be 5.9 x 3.8 in (15.1 x 9.6 cm) before it is finished. This will fit perfectly into a standard 5 x 7 inch frame.

Format:
This is for the pattern ONLY. This is not a kit nor is it the finished product. The pattern comes in .PDF format with a full color chart, color legend with DMC numbers and instructions for cross-stitch. All pages will be formatted to 8 1/2" x 11" paper. You will need Adobe Reader to open the file, which you can get free at http://get.adobe.com/reader/.

Terms:
After purchasing this digital file, you’ll see a link to the Downloads page. Downloads are available once your payment is confirmed. Please refer to this article if you have questions about the download process: https://www.etsy.com/help/article/3949

Because the pattern is delivered electronically, no refunds can be made. This design is not the result from pattern generator software. Patterns are for personal use only and please do not distribute any copies of the pattern. Finished pieces may be given as gifts, but not sold for profit.

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Ancora Crafts is a California company. Patterns delivered via electronic means (Etsy Digital Download) will not be charged sales tax. Any products sent to addresses in California using physical means, specifically any kits, flosses, or other supplies sent via US Postal Service will have sales tax added.

Sales tax laws vary by state and by country and are changing rapidly. Etsy is doing its best to keep up with the changes and to ease the tax reporting burden on sellers.

Returns & exchanges

I gladly accept returns and exchanges
Contact me within: 14 days of delivery
Ship items back within: 30 days of delivery
I don't accept cancellations
But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.
The following items can't be returned or exchanged
Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for:
  • Custom or personalized orders
  • Digital downloads
Returns and exchange details
Due to the nature of digital files, NO REFUNDS are available if you purchase a pattern as a PDF file (Etsy Digital Download).

Ancora Crafts wants you to be entirely happy with the kits you receive. If you receive a damaged or incomplete kit, please convo us as soon as possible. We will take immediate steps to correct the situation. However, if you are unhappy with your purchase, you have 30 days from reception of the product to return it.

Kits may be returned only if the sealed bag is intact. If the bag has been opened, the kit may not be returned nor will a refund be issued.

Flosses must be intact - not pulled at all and paper/plastic sleeves on - for a refund to be issued.

Pack the item(s) securely in the original shipping box, if possible. All shipping charges must be prepaid.

You can expect a refund within 30 days of our receiving the returned order. The credit will not include any original shipping charges.

Additional policies

Kits are produced in my smoke-free and pet-friendly home. Larger kits are packaged so that the canvas or cloth is rolled, not folded. This prevents the issue of the canvas or fabric distorting on the folds.

I do take custom orders, such as creating a specific name pattern using one of my existing alphabet patterns. Please convo me and we'll discuss!

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