The Original BunJesus

Are you religious with a sense of humor? Is your personal Jesus a fun loving Jesus? Are you tired of other religions having fun idols while yours is sad and a bit macabre? Or... Are you an atheist looking for a good way to come out to your friends and family but don't know where to start? Are you looking for a reason to buy this as hard as I am trying to find one to sell it to you? Well look no more! Just hang this on your wall and watch the miracles happen!

These jumping Jehova's are made from such high quality and rare components that they are hard to describe... but I'll try anyway.

-The cross is hand-made by yours truly! I use a very rare wood called "pine." It measures 9 1/2" tall x 5 1/2" wide x 1/2" thick and has a recessed key-hole in the back. I have baptized them with an ultra hard to find stain called "Minwax Early American 230" then re-baptized them in only the finest of holy water, Rust-oleum semi-gloss clear coat! The back of each cross has the date built, number in the series and my gliph/initals.

-The corpus (which is the technical and creepy term for the effigy of the crucified Jesus) measures 5 1/2" tall x 4 3/4" wide. It is very life like. I suspect it was painted by cheap Chinese labor as denoted by the "Made in China" sticker I have left adhered to his butt in order to give credit where credit is due.

-The bungee cord components are a trade secret bestowed upon me by the holiest of holy men, Father Bail Ingwire and Cardinal Parca Ord.

Each one has been painstakingly handmade over the course of a lifetime (about 95 minutes) to achieve the maximum lifelike effect. In the shipped package I also enclose a gold "INRI" plaque and several little nails! The plaque is not adhered to the cross, therfore it is not a true "crucifix." (See how I am narrowly skirting "damnation" there? Wheewww... That was close!)

Act now, before the rapture and/or before more of my suppliers catch on and cut me off!

-ACCEPT NO CHEAP IMITATIONS!-


(On a side note, these are absolutely impossible to market... Regardless of your decision to buy one, it would be very much appreciated if you would share this listing on whatever social media platforms you use. Thanks!)

P.S. I realize this may have totally incensed you. Before you act on that inclination to message me with compassionate urging to "apply my artistic skills for better use," proselytize me with warnings about my imminent damnation or to deal out a hollow death threat, know this; I don't care. I have already heard it all. Unless it is some incredibly well thought out death threat described in painstaking detail, save yourself the hassle.