Dynamite Bloomseed's Profile

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Unanimously recognized as this century’s greatest captain of industry, Dynamite Bloomseed is a devilishly triumphant financial tycoon hailing from the majestic metropolis of Chicago. From the shadows of obscurity to the penthouse suite of Successville, Mr. Bloomseed shimmy shaked his way into the heart of America with his streetwise charm and groin-tingling business acumen. When he’s not boosting third-quarter earnings by over 28 percent of projected gross profit, he spends his time diversifying his portfolio and sipping on hot tea made from liquid gold.

A young lad with humble beginnings, Mr. Bloomseed launched into his first independent business venture armed only with a tin full of tobacco, a head full of dreams, and a button machine obtained on borrowed money. To this day scholars still debate which of these were most important in setting the course for the legendary success of Kiss…

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  • Male
  • Born on July 30
  • Joined March 2, 2011

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About

Unanimously recognized as this century’s greatest captain of industry, Dynamite Bloomseed is a devilishly triumphant financial tycoon hailing from the majestic metropolis of Chicago. From the shadows of obscurity to the penthouse suite of Successville, Mr. Bloomseed shimmy shaked his way into the heart of America with his streetwise charm and groin-tingling business acumen. When he’s not boosting third-quarter earnings by over 28 percent of projected gross profit, he spends his time diversifying his portfolio and sipping on hot tea made from liquid gold.

A young lad with humble beginnings, Mr. Bloomseed launched into his first independent business venture armed only with a tin full of tobacco, a head full of dreams, and a button machine obtained on borrowed money. To this day scholars still debate which of these were most important in setting the course for the legendary success of Kiss My Buttons, Baby. But probably, it was the third thing. With adjusted gross earnings so excessive that Dynamite cannot even use the US Postal Service to mail in his tax return because of weight limits on packages, he has revolutionized the corporate world with his uncanny business savvy. Yesterday’s titans of industry have become today’s dummies of stupid town: Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, and Donald Trump, when compared to ol’ Bloomseed, now all look like a bunch of hobos eating a bean and cheese burrito in an abandoned warehouse.

Never one to take a break, this summer Dynamite pulled a Kardashian and gobbledygooked his way into the fashion industry with the release of a brand new and desperately needed clothing line. Mr. Bloomseed’s most stylish product roll-out, entitled Patrician Pleats, specializes in pants with larger pockets so he and his fellow members of the upper class can keep more money on their persons at all times without having to lug around bulky and annoying briefcases. Yes, the sky is the limit for Dynamite Bloomseed, and even that limit is only a loose collection of gas that actually sounds kind of easy to get past.

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