DamnAverage

I went to hell and all I got was terrible wordplay

Bolingbrook, Illinois On Etsy since 2011

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Buyers bought gifts from this shop and gave them 5-star reviews!

DamnAverage

I went to hell and all I got was terrible wordplay

Bolingbrook, Illinois | 5,160 Sales

DamnAverage is taking a short break

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Note from shop owner I will be closing down at some point in the near future for health reasons. Prior to this I will use up all of the silicone I have and upload stock, most of the money from this will go towards refunding those waiting on made-to-order items (the rest for medical bills). I understand this will make a number of people reasonably unhappy, but it is what I must do for my health. See TIMELINE for how this should look.

MADE-TO-ORDER ITEMS:
---these will be refunded/cancelled both from Etsy and Shopify. See REFUNDS next.

STOCK ITEMS:
---will be sent out unless requested otherwise. If you are here because you're asking what's happening with it, please take a look at the rest of the info and let me know if you would rather a refund or waiting for shipment.

REFUNDS:
---if you are requesting a refund and your order is more than 180 days old, I will need a PayPal address to refund you at as Etsy limits the refund itself to those 180 days. Please note that I have been on no income throughout the year and burdened with medical bills, so refunds will be staggered and given out following the mass-stock-upload. I am hoping to finalize at least 80% of refunds by the end of the year.

TIMELINE:
-Early-mid September - I will not be here, and will be without internet or a phone network again.
-Mid-late September - focus on using up remaining silicone for stock.
-End of September - catching up on shipping existing stock/completed orders.
-October - upload of new/final stock. Money in will be used to refund existing made-to-order items and requested refunds, going through Etsy first and then Shopify as I have a bit better refund capabilities through Shopify and thus less a pressing time frame.
-After October - depends on where things are monetarily. In an ideal world, all refunds will be finalized. This is 2020, ergo not an ideal world, so tentatively I assume at least 80% of refunds will be completed by the end of the year, and stragglers will be completed when I am able.

Note from shop owner

Last updated on Aug 31, 2020

I will be closing down at some point in the near future for health reasons. Prior to this I will use up all of the silicone I have and upload stock, most of the money from this will go towards refunding those waiting on made-to-order items (the rest for medical bills). I understand this will make a number of people reasonably unhappy, but it is what I must do for my health. See TIMELINE for how this should look.

MADE-TO-ORDER ITEMS:
---these will be refunded/cancelled both from Etsy and Shopify. See REFUNDS next.

STOCK ITEMS:
---will be sent out unless requested otherwise. If you are here because you're asking what's happening with it, please take a look at the rest of the info and let me know if you would rather a refund or waiting for shipment.

REFUNDS:
---if you are requesting a refund and your order is more than 180 days old, I will need a PayPal address to refund you at as Etsy limits the refund itself to those 180 days. Please note that I have been on no income throughout the year and burdened with medical bills, so refunds will be staggered and given out following the mass-stock-upload. I am hoping to finalize at least 80% of refunds by the end of the year.

TIMELINE:
-Early-mid September - I will not be here, and will be without internet or a phone network again.
-Mid-late September - focus on using up remaining silicone for stock.
-End of September - catching up on shipping existing stock/completed orders.
-October - upload of new/final stock. Money in will be used to refund existing made-to-order items and requested refunds, going through Etsy first and then Shopify as I have a bit better refund capabilities through Shopify and thus less a pressing time frame.
-After October - depends on where things are monetarily. In an ideal world, all refunds will be finalized. This is 2020, ergo not an ideal world, so tentatively I assume at least 80% of refunds will be completed by the end of the year, and stragglers will be completed when I am able.

DamnAverage

Contact shop owner

DamnAverage

Reviews

Average item review
5 out of 5 stars
(1631)
See reviews that mention:
quality 171 shipping 219 customer service 92
  • pardygwyn on Apr 24, 2020

    5 out of 5 stars

    A little bit of fun! The marbling is absolutely gorgeous, quality product.

  • Kritz on Apr 11, 2020

    5 out of 5 stars

    I am very happy with the quality and look of this fella :3 I was worried it was going to be too floppy but it's a perfect firmness. As the seller mentions there's a bit of a wait but they clearly communicated that and kept in touch :) I also loved the friggin awesome surprise squishy that was they slipped in, luv it!

  • Squishali on Mar 20, 2020

    5 out of 5 stars

    A Pegasus once visited me in my dreams.
    He tried to enter via the window, but this ended in mishap as he is a giant horse bird and did not quite fit. Instead, he collided with the frame, his horn snapped off and he flew away in shock. I picked up the forgotten horn and held its luminous beauty in my fingers, my eyes burning from the intensity. Then the horn began to glow before ascending and smacking itself firmly to the middle of my forehead. My hands became hooves, my shoulders sprouted wings, and my body began to rise-

    I woke to find there was no horn, but rather this perfect Somnhas. It's glittery flawless surface barely containing all the pleasures it had to share. In all honesty it put poor Pegasus' horn to shame.

    (Warning: Attaching toy to head does not turn one into Pegasus, don't jump from window in flight attempt.)

  • Kalli on Mar 19, 2020

    5 out of 5 stars

    Best purchase I've made in a long time. It's even prettier in person, the pour is gorgeous. It also arrived just in time for my area's covid-19 quarantine. Social distancing is much more tolerable when you have something as satisfying as this to keep you company. I'll definitely be back for more in the future. Thanks Sheep!

  • Finder on Mar 16, 2020

    5 out of 5 stars

    Wow! Such an amazing toy!!! It’s absolutely stunning, and the squish is wonderful. It was packaged very well, and arrived quickly. The shape itself offers a wonderful experience. Very happy.

  • bumpkin on Feb 27, 2020

    5 out of 5 stars

    The devil is one of my new favorite squishies. All of the little monster heads have so many cool details and are so fun to fidget with. This red/black/blue color combo is bright but sinister and the shimmery candy red color is super sexy.

  • bumpkin on Feb 27, 2020

    5 out of 5 stars

    Citrus skull is so lovely. Looks like a mango. The orangey pink is very shimmery and captivating. I love the size and shape for a stress ball. Small enough for a palm squish but big enough to keep your hands busy. Included in my order was a shimmery purple little snowman squishy and an organza storage bag! Thanks so much DA!

  • Custard on Feb 26, 2020

    5 out of 5 stars

    updating my review since it's finally here! It's been over a month and even though I wasn't given updates I understand the situation (through what I've read anyway), so it's not an issue. I'm *so* happy to finally have this toy though! I knew that I needed it as soon as I saw it's listing and now that it's finally in my hands i am so :D The pretty bag it came in and the two little squishes were also wonderful surprises. I'm in love,,
    I do hope things get better for Sheep soon! Perhaps I'll be back sometime.

  • Claire on Feb 15, 2020

    5 out of 5 stars

    Amazing color pour, shimmer is even more beautiful in person! Great size, great girth, great toy!

  • Kat on Feb 3, 2020

    5 out of 5 stars

    Thank you! This is so pretty, I love it 😍

About DamnAverage

Sales 5,160
On Etsy since 2011

Shop policies

Last updated on March 7, 2020
Hello! Welcome to my little corner of the world!
All of my adult toys, critters, and stress relievers are hand-sculpted and hand-cast by one person - me. I strive for organic designs that flow with the body for comfort and pleasure, followed by an appeal to fantasy in shape, and an extraordinary exploration of color fusions. All of my products are cast in platinum cured silicone from a provider that has tested for safety in prolonged mucous membrane application. My color choices and marbles are all pieces I put a lot of thought and consideration into and I am proud of their positive impact on my synesthesia.
I generally do not apply personal characters to representational toys for the sake of allowing my customers to associate any model with anything of their choosing. Personally I have teratophilia and to me everything is a monster or alien or demon or...you get the picture.

Do keep in mind that as a one person operation, every aspect of this is run solely by me.

Accepted payment methods

Paypal Mastercard Visa American Express Discover Apple Pay Giftcard
Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits
Returns and exchanges
I gladly accept cancellations
Request a cancellation within: 1 hour of purchase
I don't accept returns or exchanges
But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.
Returns and exchange details
I do not currently offer returns or full refunds on a received product. If you find your product faulty, let me know and we will figure out a good solution.
Payment
Accepted payment methods: Direct checkout (credit/debit, Etsy's PayPal, Etsy's gift card balances). Payments are to be made up front. I am not comfortable taking partial payments or holds. Please no impulse purchases.

If you have questions, concerns, or a need for partial refund, you must get in contact with me.
Shipping
All items are shipped in a plain white or brown box. The label has a pseudonym and PO Box for a return address. It looks like a package from a friend.

Shipping is generally within 1-3 weeks for stock items. A reminder that I am a walking chronic illness, I fall behind, and thus the generous shipping times are shown to cover this. If there are delays your first thing should be to contact me. Cases opened on orders will now only receive a refund and a ban from further purchasing.
Shipping itself is priority in the US and takes 2-3 days generally.

I am unable to ship internationally for the time being.

When international is re-opened, I cannot ship to Russia or Mexico.
Additional policies and FAQs
Buyer assumes responsibility for safely using products created with intention of insertion. I am not responsible for injury caused by misuse/misjudging of toys nor use of stress relievers for insertion, or other unintended purposes.

By purchasing, buyer agrees that they are of age (18 or 21+ depending), and that they have read the listing, my profile, and policies IN FULL.

No tolerance for abuse: I am entitled at my discretion to refuse service and/or contact to anyone who is abusive to me OR if I find this behavior is taken up with other shops.
Cases opened on orders will now only receive a refund and a ban from further purchasing (exceptions will be made for understanding or otherwise really cool people, but...you know)

More information

Last updated on Oct 30, 2019
Frequently asked questions
Are you open for custom orders?

Made-to-Order toys are sometimes available at damnaverage.com. I do not do full customs with color or sculpts.

Is there a list for all DamnAverage toys?

For a current list, see: https://damnaverage.com/pages/catalogue
For a full list including all discontinued models, see: https://damnaverage.com/blogs/news/catalogue

How do I use the (x)?

Jokingly asked about many of my critters. They are stress relievers and are obviously not intended to go into any orifice of your body.

Are items shipped discreetly?

Yes! All items are shipped in a plain white or brown box. The label has a pseudonym and PO Box for a return address. It looks like a package from a friend, but if you need to disguise anything from prying roommates I highly recommend picking up critters or grab bags with your order (available at damnaverage.com )

Why is there no First Class International?

For the whole of 2019, USPS has not allowed First Class International shipping to be completed on their site, which I use. Due to a number of reasons I refuse to deal with the front desk at my post office for shipping.

Care instructions

WASH YOUR ITEM(S) FIRST.
Wash after use, allow to air dry or pat dry, do not put away wet.
-Boil toys/critters for 10 minutes, do not let them touch the side of the pot as the heat may be high enough to damage them.
-For a more industrial clean, use a bleach solution (follow instructions on bleach). This kills mold if, for example, you leave snails in your shower for extended periods. Do NOT boil and bleach simultaneously.
-Store upright if possible, silicone will retain impressions or folds (some impressions lessen via rubbing). Can be stored next to other platinum silicone, but recommended you store all items in individual bags. Do not store with other materials (please don't buy jelly or pvc anyway as they are bad for your health).

Can you teach me to make toys?

Sorry, no. Nothing personal. There are a myriad of free tutorials available from the amazing professionals at Smooth-On and I highly recommend checking them out for any of your molding and casting questions.

Firmness Descriptions

My available firmnesses are:
OO30 - comparable to fresh gummy candy although bouncier
OO50 - comparable to slightly stale gummy candy although bouncier
~8a - firmer than gummy things, softer than erect tissue and very bendy
10a - comparable squeeze to erect tissue but much bendier

Can you sponsor my review/video?

I am not sponsoring reviews at this time for many of the same reasons I am uncomfortable attempting wholesale. Sorry.