Announcement   Items may be ideal for any public or private role-play, LARP, Gaslamp fantasy, cinema, convention, theatre, cubicle, video, prop, geek, cosplay, crossplay, competition, class project, modeling, Burlesque dance, book reading, costumes, masquerade ball, Firefly shindig, Lolita Fashion Tea Party, Uchronia, TV, RPG's, a whole host of re-invisioned reenactment period plays (Victorian, Edwardian, Charles Dickens, Civil War, retro-futuristic, antique, time-travel, etc.) & everything else your virtual reality or escape may or may not manifest.

Each item is perfectly stylized for its own niche, within a wide gambit of fantastic themes: Impromptu Performance Art; Mad Scientist; Historical Steampunk, Clockwork Punk; Diesel Punk; Cyber Punk; Gear Punk; Zombie Apocalypse; Gothic Vampires; Re-invented Aristocrat; Neo-Victorian Fantasy; Romantic Science; Anachronistic Technology; Art Nouveau Industrial Revolution; 19th Century Vintage-Alternative; Science Fiction Wild West; Renaissance Faire Steampunk Subculture; Gaslight Romance... Pop Culture.

Each unique masterpiece is a one of a kind artistic creation & has never had original packaging of its own ~ it could never be contained with a mere box or string. All artistic accessories are fully & repeatedly tested, negotiated for defects. It is new & has never been used, however likely recycled, repurposed, up-cycled, etc. Item may have been fidgeted, fondled, or fiddled at conventions and shows, and minor adjustments may have been made. Designed to be unisex, ambidextrous & timeless. It is a dynamic original, handmade with the character & charm of an expert craftsman, thus imbuing the artwork with a quality all its own.

Announcement

Last updated on May 27, 2017

Items may be ideal for any public or private role-play, LARP, Gaslamp fantasy, cinema, convention, theatre, cubicle, video, prop, geek, cosplay, crossplay, competition, class project, modeling, Burlesque dance, book reading, costumes, masquerade ball, Firefly shindig, Lolita Fashion Tea Party, Uchronia, TV, RPG's, a whole host of re-invisioned reenactment period plays (Victorian, Edwardian, Charles Dickens, Civil War, retro-futuristic, antique, time-travel, etc.) & everything else your virtual reality or escape may or may not manifest.

Each item is perfectly stylized for its own niche, within a wide gambit of fantastic themes: Impromptu Performance Art; Mad Scientist; Historical Steampunk, Clockwork Punk; Diesel Punk; Cyber Punk; Gear Punk; Zombie Apocalypse; Gothic Vampires; Re-invented Aristocrat; Neo-Victorian Fantasy; Romantic Science; Anachronistic Technology; Art Nouveau Industrial Revolution; 19th Century Vintage-Alternative; Science Fiction Wild West; Renaissance Faire Steampunk Subculture; Gaslight Romance... Pop Culture.

Each unique masterpiece is a one of a kind artistic creation & has never had original packaging of its own ~ it could never be contained with a mere box or string. All artistic accessories are fully & repeatedly tested, negotiated for defects. It is new & has never been used, however likely recycled, repurposed, up-cycled, etc. Item may have been fidgeted, fondled, or fiddled at conventions and shows, and minor adjustments may have been made. Designed to be unisex, ambidextrous & timeless. It is a dynamic original, handmade with the character & charm of an expert craftsman, thus imbuing the artwork with a quality all its own.

Professor Junquentoys

Contact shop owner

Professor Junquentoys

Response time: within 24 hours
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About

From the Outward Dork to the Inner Geek ~ Custom Art

Professor Junquentoys has been hoarding goodies & gifts galore. Now is forced to sell eclectic & esoteric ephemera, memorabilia & minutiae to fund experiments. He now presents his mingled, mixed, multifarious & maligned miscellany leveraging legal loot.


His alter ego, Professor Junquentoys (junquentoys.net,) disavows any knowledge of such chicanery.

Shop members

  • Professor Junquentoys

    Owner, Creator, Designer

    Once upon a time, he spent his days making scenery and props for live theatre and events across the enchanted kingdom. Now he invests his time as a post-modern Renaissance man in the Appalachian mountains with his wife and varying fur kids.

Shop policies

Last updated on March 18, 2018
If you would like more pictures, do not hesitate to ask. We have been known to use occasional stock photos, however not for custom made original artworks. That's just silly.

Although it goes without saying, we are still going to say it (and you knew we would). All custom made originals and their images are all global rights reserved by Junquentoys, its owner(s,) artist(s,) and assigns, in perpetuity, 2010-2018 and beyond, ad nauseam; no takesies backsies; no he said, she said; no double negatives; no doubt; no clocks, no calendars allowed.

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We guarantee that time and time again, each handmade treasure has been fully fondled, clearly checked, thoroughly tweaked & repeatedly turbo-tested for defects before shipping. The levels of torture and task to which these items strenuously subjected are all-inclusive of cathartic Scrooges, clever Morlocks, Cthulhu minions and many-much more.

According to George Carlin, this is a fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-formulated medical miracle. Like, Jeff Holmes of The Floating Men, is want to exclaim: we need a q-beam, a mickey and a swat team. This whole MacGyver-of-ill-advised-love thing just ain't working out. And all this whipped cream is to water what a wildcat is to a wet dream.

Accepted payment methods

  • Visa
  • Mastercard
  • American Express
  • Discover
  • Apple Pay
  • Klarna
  • Sofort
  • Ideal
  • Paypal
  • GiftcardAccepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits
Returns and exchanges
I gladly accept returns and exchanges
Contact me within: 7 days of delivery
Ship items back within: 14 days of delivery
I don't accept cancellations
But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.
The following items can't be returned or exchanged
Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for:
  • Custom or personalized orders
  • Perishable products (like food or flowers)
  • Digital downloads
  • Intimate items (for health/hygiene reasons)
Returns and exchange details
Unless otherwise noted in the listing, items may be returned within 5 (FIVE) days of the purchaser receiving the novelty. If returning our handiwork, please contact us first - so we know the item is on it's way, and please give us the tracking number. As all of Junquentoys' materials are extremely well packaged, securely & thoroughly, we expect the same care returned in kind - all items are treated as the pieces of artwork they are. Such particular items will be tracked for the safety of both purchaser and the Junquentoys. If returning items, customer pays for return shipping and return tracking. Once the item has been received, and checked for damages, purchaser will be refunded amount for item, but not shipping & handling.

Junquentoys is not responsible for lost or damaged merchandise during shipping. If this is a concern, please ask about insurance. If you have any doubts about this item or our policies, please ask questions.

If you have any questions about Life, the Universe & Everything... then 42 will do.

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REPAIRS:
We guarantee our Handmade & custom original... one of a kind... Steampunk & various other Geek / Nerdery Themed : Jewelry & Accessories; Headgear & Masks; Props & Cosplay Accoutrements; etc. to be of the highest quality, and we check over each piece before it is packaged for shipment. If for some reason you receive your custom piece, and upon wearing it for the first time, it breaks not by any fault of your own, please contact el professor ASAP, tell us what happened, and (you pay to) ship it back to us. It will be fixed at no charge. If it becomes damaged after normal wear and tear, we will remedy the matter for a small fee covering parts, labor & return shipping.
Payment
Payment is required immediately for "Buy It Now". No C.O.D's, ever. No exposed barter, during this millennium. If for any reason, you find yourself stuck in a quagmire, please contact us within 2 (two) business days after invoicing to discuss any issues. Deposits negotiable on custom works. Please do not ask for changes in terms (shipping, handling, etc.) after you have made your selection.

7% Sales Tax applies to all items shipped within the United States to the volunteer state of Tennessee.

Please be sure the PAYPAL Payment shipping address is both complete and correct & where you wish your curio to be shipped. Paypal is the address to which we automatically ship your knickknack, unless you inform us otherwise. We will not use the address given to us via Etsy, without express written confirmation.

If your email address does not work or your email server has a heavy spam-filter on it, you may not receive our messages. Please use a Etsy-friendly email address.

For an added fee, GIFT WRAP may be available except when it's super silly: $3.50 - $20.00 (dependent upon item size, dimension, girth, mass, material, manifesto, etc.).
~~~Free Quotes
Shipping
We usually ship within 3 (THREE) business days after receiving cleared payment.
~~~No Holidays or Weekends!

DOMESTIC US SHIPPING:
We prefer to use USPS PRIORITY MAIL, however if PARCEL SELECT is a significantly cheaper option we may go that route. If you do NOT want to use the Tarried-Tub-Transport or Slow-Boat-Shipping option, or would prefer some/better insurance, you are invited to make a special request.

Yes, WE COMBINE SHIPPING! - Please contact us before purchasing for special shipping quotes.

Combined Shipping only applies to items which can be safely shipped together.
We CAN always SHIP 2 (two) goggles together. 'Cause that could be grammatically silly to only ship 1 (one) lone goggles. That would be a monocle!

At this time, we CANNOT SHIP Holmes' Cherub statues rigged to pee champagne & Polaroids of powdered wigs together.

We will combine shipping for multiple purchases made within the same week to the same shipping address only.

Although, we, Junquentoys, have endeavored to offer our best, most accurate pricing for all viable shipping situations. However, we must proclaim that the shipping prices following are all estimates and/or guidelines. Should our USPS soon decide on its next rate increase, we are ready to expect change. If the shipping... on the showpiece, or obra maestra, or magnum opus, or pièce de résistance, or other such concoction of components for which you are considering procurement... is significantly less than we have estimated, we will refund the difference.

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INTERNATIONAL buyers, please read:
Usually, we will ship USPS First Class International because it is less expensive. However, please be aware that First Class International is both without a tracking number & uninsured. Once the package has left our haven, we can not be held liable if the package is lost, delayed by customs, or for some other issue beyond our control. If you request Priority Mail and/or insurance, we will be happy to provide you with a quote. If we have not listed this item as available internationally, please inquire ~ it may be an option.

If the shipping price seems to high, please ask. We have listed an "Everywhere Else" rate for items, and this represents an average inclusive of all countries. As everywhere is different, we are always ready to quote for your specific region. Just send us a message, include your country and postal code, and we will attempt to provide alternatives.

International Customs:
The purchaser is responsible for all customs as when we send out the product we are not always informed that there will be customs to pay on the purchaser's end. Please be aware of your county's laws on shipping.

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PRIORITY OPTION:
***All orders can be upgraded to Priority Shipping!
Please feel free to ask us for a quote.

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Otherwise, International shipments will have a tracking number only available in the USA. Once it is loaded on the plane there will be no tracking. If you do want a tracking number to your International location, add an additional fee. All International packages will carry insurance (and signature-upon request).

If a package goes missing through the USPS in the States and tracking shows it not delivered, after a 30 day period, money will be refunded. If tracking shows delivered it is your responsibility to contact your carrier, and for you to file a complaint with your local post office. We would have to be certifiably crazy to muster responsibility for any item with tracking marked as delivered.

With International packages that have insurance, there is a waiting period of 50 days for insurance to be filed due to some countries holding packages in Customs. For refund of nondelivery, a buyer has to work with the seller to complete filing of required insurance documents. Failure to return documents will forfeit refund.

Please note: International customers are responsible for any and/or all CUSTOMS fees, taxes, and duties associated with shipping & purchasing to their respective countries, should they be assessed. Most country's Customs agencies open and/or assess fees to a random selection of packages. Any customs fees, taxes, tariffs, duties, etc. that may be incurred at the time of delivery would be at the discretion of your country's tax regulations. We have no way of calculating how much these fees would be, should they occur, and we are not responsible for those charges. For any additional information please refer to your local customs agency.
Additional policies and FAQs
Do not contact us with your scams, spams, or any canned hams. You will, at the very least, be fiercely ignored.

Allergies:
Our household does also contain at least trace amounts of pets, peanuts, potpourri, perfume, plastic, pheromones, however it is both smoke-free & child-free... thankfully.

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CUSTOM ORDERS:
If you have a custom request or bulk order, please do not hesitate to contact us! Professor Junquentoys has made theatrical weapons, jewelry, props, and other such conversation pieces, etc. for public or private role-play, cosplay, LARP, photography, conventions, theatre, crossplay, competition, modeling, costume parties, masquerade balls, firefly shindigs, RPG's, and everything else your virtual reality may manage to manifest.

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Please note that any custom projects over $100, we ask that the client pay a minimum Deposit of 50% sent to our Paypal account. This fee will be deducted from the final cost.

NO CONTACT / NON - PAYMENT ON CUSTOM ORDERS:
As soon as we finish your conceptualization, we will make a Custom Order Deposit Listing for you. Once the listing is up, we ask you to purchase the Custom Order Deposit Listing as soon as possible. Once funds have been received, we will begin working on your custom order. Expect progress emails and/or pictures to be coming to you as the project comes to fruition. Upon completion, we will notify you, and create a Custom Order Completion Listing. Your purchase of this listing should be done as quickly as possible to prevent some vulture from trying to poach your new pretties.

If you have not paid for your objet d'art after 1 (ONE) week after initiating the Custom Order Completion Listing and/or have not contacted us, we will open the trifle to the public for purchase & your deposit will NOT be refunded. Please keep this in mind, because if that frivolity sells & you wish another magical gem spawned, then you will be re-added to the bottom of the custom-list AFTER you prepay your order in full.
Ain't nobody got ti-i-i-me for that!

If you cannot pay within the time allotted but still want your toy, we will move it into a layaway plan and you can pay over an agreed upon time period.

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We have been known to haggle a fair bit... but please, do not try to insult... El Profesor y El asylum de las artistas..!

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Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience, economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality, Low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms, affordable prices, money-back guarantee, free installation, free admission, free appraisal, free alterations, free delivery, free estimates, free home trial, and free parking. No cash? No problem! No kidding! No fuss, no muss, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments or interest till September. Limited time only, though, so act now, order today, send no money, offer good while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available, some assembly required, some restrictions may apply. So come on in for a free demonstration and a free consultation with our friendly, professional staff. Our experienced and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget. And say, don't forget to pick up your free gift: a classic deluxe custom designer luxury prestige high-quality premium select gourmet pocket pencil sharpener. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. It's our way of saying thank you. And if you act now, we'll include an extra added free complimentary bonus gift at no cost to you: a classic deluxe custom designer luxury prestige high-quality premium select gourmet combination key ring, magnifying glass, and garden hose, in a genuine imitation leather-style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. It's our way of saying thank you. ~~~ George Carlin 1999