Announcement   We deliver items fast with Priority Mail shipping to get your items in time for Burning Man or other festivals!!


Last updated on Aug 7, 2018

We deliver items fast with Priority Mail shipping to get your items in time for Burning Man or other festivals!!

Schuyler Ellers

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Schuyler Ellers

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Average item review
5 out of 5 stars
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Your grandmother's afghans as you've never seen them before....

Lord von Schmitt wandered the planet in search of intelligent life for years, before learning to knit. After 7 years at the needles--he barely did anything else--Lord von Schmitt flashed on the possibilities of Previously Crocheted Objects. These were everywhere in the form of afghan blankets, languishing forgotten in thrift stores. He put down the needles and never picked them up again. With a sewing machine he could move much faster, with scissors he could build forms, the material was wonderful and flexible and repulsive. An old lady came up to him and said "those are the most hideous pants I've ever seen in my life," to which he replied, "oh thanks. I made them myself."

Shop members

  • Schuyler Ellers

    Owner, Designer, Photographer

    Schuyler Ellers is the mad scientist of recycled crochet. Blessed with a large field and an art barn, he never stops sewing, collaging, and taking photographs of his increasingly unusual works of art.

  • Deedee Brownell

    Seamstress, Customer Service, Shipper

    Wisecracking Deedee provides what every sustainable fashion line needs: incredible sewing skill and solid service. Before she makes your shorts, Deedee will charm your pants off.

  • Dylan L Simpson


    Dylan is ready to model rainbow booty shorts at a moment's notice. Combining a keen sense of the absurd with a deep commitment to art, Dylan takes modeling to a whole new level.

Shop policies

Last updated on August 31, 2016
Welcome to Lord von Schmitt's magical website, where nothing is as it seems and all garments are made with yarn and love. The Empire has nothing to wear.

Accepted payment methods

  • Visa
  • Mastercard
  • American Express
  • Discover
  • Apple Pay
  • Klarna
  • Sofort
  • Ideal
  • Paypal
  • GiftcardAccepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits
Returns and exchanges
I will give refunds for good reasons..just contact me. We do prefer to receive refund requests within 2 months.
Paypal preferred!
Deedee is an excellent and experienced shipper!!! Please contact us if you have any problems.