darlingclandestine

Warning: Contains multitudes.

Texas, United States · 19737 Sales

darlingclandestine

Warning: Contains multitudes.

Texas, United States 19737 Sales On Etsy since 2010

5 out of 5 stars
(6637)
Shop owner

Evonne

Contact

Announcement   Hello, gorgeous! Early Autumn collection is now live. The complete Discography is now housed at dcdiscography.blogspot.com. Turnaround time is currently 14 business days. Announcements at Facebook.com/DarlingClandestine and @darlingclandestine on Instagram. I love you. You rock harder than a truckload of sharks.

Announcement
Last updated on Aug 27, 2016

Hello, gorgeous! Early Autumn collection is now live. The complete Discography is now housed at dcdiscography.blogspot.com. Turnaround time is currently 14 business days. Announcements at Facebook.com/DarlingClandestine and @darlingclandestine on Instagram. I love you. You rock harder than a truckload of sharks.

Evonne

Contact shop owner

Evonne

Reviews

Average item review
5 out of 5 stars
(6637)
Rachel

Rachel on Aug 28, 2016

5 out of 5 stars

The texture is nice, non-greasy and moisturizing, and the scent is as wonderful as when I first tried it. Gives me a bit of nostalgia. The scent concentration is good, since you spray a low more of this than of a perfume.

peacelovehomeschool1

peacelovehomeschool1 on Aug 28, 2016

5 out of 5 stars

Even though this is a "two chord" scent creation, it is incredibly complex and perfectly balanced. Really quite wonderful and extraordinary. This is my first experience with this seller and I am VERY pleased. I highly recommend this shop! 👍

snoozing

snoozing on Aug 26, 2016

5 out of 5 stars

I love fruity scents and this is such a great one for summer! Even the vinyl note brings fond memories of driving around aimlessly, just for fun, freedom in the heat. So happy Evonne upgraded to a bitsy vial - thank you!

View all 6637 reviews

About

Come closer.

"Freakish," it's been called, my sense of smell. It runs in the family. I can detect notes on the wind and in corners of the room with hair-raising accuracy.

Something else that runs in the family: I'm not satisfied that something's "handmade" unless I've fussed over it, complicated it, wrapped myself up in it until it feels like art. Sometimes when something's too easy I'll add a new challenge or an unlikely note that could either ruin a composition or make it extraordinary.

True to the freakishness and the fussing, DarlingClandestine perfumes are incredibly complex, to reflect the layer upon layer of nostalgia and fascination in the amazing people and places and experiences they're inspired by.

Some are downright odd, unsettling, like the stories behind them. I write those. I'm so glad to have a place to put them.

Looking for a scent list? Check out the DC Discography: http://dcdiscography.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-darlingclandestine-fragrance.html

Tweet
Around the web
Shop members
  • Evonne

    Owner, Creator

    I got a cobra snake for a necktie.

  • Leif

    Designer

    Leif designs the prettiest of my product labels. He's a cowboy turned book historian turned video game journalist. See his reviews at IGN, VICE, Playboy and more. Sometimes he updates his portfolio. http://leifjohnson.pressfolios.com/

Shop policies

Last updated on August 6, 2016
Hi! :D I love it when people love my work, and I want you to be happy with our transaction. If you have any questions, concerns or burning desires, or any trouble whatsoever with your order, by all means send me a message! You'll find I'm extremely responsive, friendly, and occasionally hilarious. The best way to contact me is with a Conversation right here on Etsy.

WHAT DARLINGCLANDESTINE IS ABOUT.
Weird and wonderful fragrances built on stories, starlight, poetry, longing, rock’n’roll. I don’t want you to smell like you’re wearing perfume. I want you to smell fascinating, otherworldly, indefinable, inimitable. Original.

FRAGRANCE LIST.
Looking for a quick list of DC scents and their seasons? Check out the DC Discography: http://dcdiscography.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-darlingclandestine-fragrance.html

NOT ALL FRAGRANCES are available at all times. If you'd like to know if a scent is currently available, look in the shop. :) And keep up on future releases by following Facebook.com/DarlingClandestine.

A NOTE ABOUT “NOTES”.
Occasionally folks will ask me why I use stories and descriptions instead of a standard list of “notes” to describe my fragrances. I have a few reasons for being vague on notes. One, to discourage folks from thinking that “notes” are synonymous with “ingredients”. DC fragrances are waaaaay more complicated than that. Two, to keep folks open-minded about notes they think they “hate”. One of my favorite ways to begin a fragrance is to build a dichotomy into the blend, bringing a note you thought you knew into a completely different light. And three, because a list of notes does NOT tell you what the fragrance smells like in its completeness.

There are many fragrance manufacturers out there that supply natural and synthetic fragrance supplies to me and my fellow perfumers. Their offerings are vast. I imagine that for some crafters, making a fragrance that features notes of, say, vanilla, jasmine, and sandalwood involves simply taking “vanilla”, “jasmine”, and “sandalwood” commercial fragrance oils and mixing them together in a pleasing measure . . . and there you have the fragrance. Often the results are beautiful, and everything’s cool. But that’s not really what I do. To me that seems too easy, and if things are too easy, I tend to be unsatisfied, or worry that it isn’t “art”. If I do mention notes in my fragrances, please don’t think that creating them was simply a matter of mixing commercial fragrance oils of the same name. While I do employ single-note commercial fragrance oils, those individual ingredients are part of a much more complex tapestry of blending.

Sometimes, when reviewing a fragrance, folks will go down the list of notes as though it were a checklist, and say, “Well, I can definitely smell the W, but I don’t really smell the X. Ah, there is the Y, and I like Y, but I also smell Z and I don’t like Z.” But a truly inspired fragrance should unfold its various notes in fascinating and surprising ways, not simply smell like all the things on a list, lined up in a row.

I would encourage people to not think so literally when it comes to my fragrances. They’re not supposed to be a “spot the note in the puzzle” game. Descriptive words like “green”, “woody”, “dark”, “crisp”, “warm”, “sweet”, etc. are not there to deceive you---they’re there to give you a better idea of how the fragrance will begin, continue, and finish on your skin.

If it’s difficult to think of this in “indie terms,” think of the big-name fragrance designers. In their ads, they don’t even bother to give you a *hint* of the “notes”—it’s all about evoking emotion. And let’s be honest: When you research the notes on a big-name designer fragrance, even they don’t really give you a solid picture of the fragrance you’ll get. If only the internet had scratch-and-sniff magazine samples. If only I could be a virtual Clinique counter, ambushing you with a squirt of DarlingClandestine as you stroll by on your way to look at handbags!

Accepted payment methods

  • Accepts Etsy gift cards
Payment
I accept PayPal, direct checkout with your credit or debit card, and Etsy gift cards. And evidently all those other icons that are now showing up there! ^ XD

If you need any help or are unsure whether or not your payment/order "went through," feel free to contact me and I'll do my best to help us figure things out. For you impulsive types (like me), or for you international customers wanting to maximize your haul for minimal shipping costs, please see the "COMBINING ORDERS" section below in the Shipping Policy area.

RESERVING ITEMS.
With a few exceptions, I’m happy to reserve an item for you if you need a little extra time to pay for it. :) Simply send me a message (on Etsy, please!), tell me what you’re interested in and let me know when you’ll expect to be able to purchase it. I do expect you to pay for the item on the day you specify. If something comes up and you find that you need a little more time, message me! I’m extremely understanding if you COMMUNICATE with me. But if 48 hours pass from the day you’ve promised to purchase and I haven’t heard from you, I may offer your goods to someone else. Even if it turns out that you won’t be able to buy the item after all, TELL ME. It’s not a problem. What *is* a problem is you ignoring my communications. That will make a difference in what I’m willing to do for you in the future. Also, here are some situations in which I CANNOT reserve an item:

I CANNOT reserve a “future” item for you, and I CANNOT reserve an item for you during the “peak” of a new release, 48 hours before or after a new product goes live. This is a classic case of “If I do it for you, then I have to do it for everybody else.” Please don’t message me ten minutes before a big release with a super sad story about how you have to go to work/have to go to the hospital (omg go, geez, you’re bleeding)/have to take your cat to the vet/are about to step into The Nothing and may lose your internet connection and pretty pretty please can I reserve you a bottle of X. Now, don’t get me wrong; if these terrible things happen to you and you just want somebody to talk to, then by all means message me, and I’ll express my sympathy and maybe send you cute chicken photos to cheer you up. But I still won’t be able to save a bottle for you! So all your message will do is make me sad. DO YOU WANT ME TO BE SAD???

I CANNOT reserve a “One-off Oddbox” item for you. These items are usually off-season overstock that I just realized I had, or very small batch items that I created on a whim or a twist of McFate. Generally I don’t even advertise specific One-off Oddbox items aside from saying “heydudez you might want to check the One-off Oddbox.” My reason is that *somebody* is going to be disappointed, so I’d rather just have the item disappear painlessly from the shop than have a bunch of folks simultaneously flinging themselves against their Etsy carts to snatch up one lone item. Saying “Go, go, get it now!” Is just mean. Now, when I find that I have an off-season item unexpectedly available, I do my best to go back through my Etsy messages and see if anyone was recently inquiring about that item and offer it to them first. And in that case, what other folks don’t know won’t hurt ‘em. ;)

DISCOUNT CODES.
There are a few codes floating around out there on the internet that will give you some sweet deals on DC goods. Enjoy them, especially if you picked them up from a blog by a friend of DC! :) But PLEASE, if you find a code, understand the terms of that code (e.g. "This is for people who participated in X preorder"/”read X interview”/”purchased Y item” or what have you). Please don't try to take advantage of discounts for which you are not eligible. Oh, I'm sure it feels good to "fool" the system and watch your balance go down . . . but keep in mind that money is coming out of *my* pocket. That's my groceries, man, so play fair! Also, Etsy---and I as well---only allow the use of ONE discount code at a time. Choose wisely! And please, if you forget a code or wish you could use more than one code, do NOT ask me to refund you the difference. That actually kinda breaks my heart. See also "COMBINING ORDERS" down there under the Shipping Policy.

TEXAS SALES TAX
My fellow Texans! You know that we operate on sales tax and not state income tax here, and that in many ways it's a system that works. You'll be charged sales tax if you live in Texas. But if you're amazing enough to have read my policies, and you *live in Texas*, you have the privilege of using the code COMEANDTAKEIT, which gives you 10 percent off your purchase of $20 or more. Not only does that defray *more* than the cost of your sales tax, it lets you enjoy a special discount. :) BUT!!! see above re: using only one discount code at a time. If, say, I'm having a blowout sale with a 20% off code, then obviously go ahead and use the 20% off code . . . but please, please don't message me afterward asking if I'll refund you for the 10 percent on top of that. Again, trying to squeeze a few extra bucks out of me when I'm already giving you a deep discount . . . that kinda breaks my heart. We're supposed to be polite here in Texas! Don't think of it as "only" getting 10 percent off when everybody else gets 20 . . . think of it as getting a 20 percent discount and also paying your dues for living in the Lone Star State, which is the law. By the way, I don't get to keep that tax money. I still have to pay Texas. So come and take it, but don't take *all* of it.
Shipping
I use the U.S. Postal Service to ship your goods. My TURNAROUND TIME is stated in the Shop Announcement on my shop’s homepage, on the “ready to ship in” field on individual product pages, and in the message you receive after you place your order. Turnaround time is the number of *business* days between you placing your order and me shipping your package. It does not include the time it takes for the postal service to get the package to you. It does not include weekends or U.S. mail holidays.

I lovingly pour, "cook," label and package each and every one of your original goods with my own hands. You’ll get a shipping notification with a tracking number when I print your shipping label. I often ship at the *end* of the day (sometimes close to midnight, lol), so when you get a notification, expect to see real movement on your package the next business day. After that, the U.S. Postal Service does the things it does to get your package into your hands. Please don’t send me an unpleasant email asking where your order is before my turnaround time has passed. Please don't leave me under-stellar reviews saying I "took a while" to ship when I'm telling you about this turnaround time stuff in advance. This is what it sounds like when sharks cry. ;_; ;_;

I ship to your ETSY ADDRESS. If you'd like me to ship to a different address than the one on your Etsy invoice, no problem---just send me a message.

About SHIPPING TIME.
Domestic customers: On average, my packages within the U.S. take three to five business days to arrive after they ship. It’s unusual for them to take longer, though I have seen some packages take very interesting journeys before arriving at their final destination! If your package gets stuck in USPS “tracking limbo” and seven business days have passed since your ship date with no sign of your goods, send me a message and we’ll get you sorted out. Please be nice when you send this message. Don't charge in with "RAWR YOU SAID YOU SHIPPED MY PACKAGE BUT YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY SHIP IT." Again, sometimes they take interesting journeys. These things happen. I get anxious. I lose sleep. Be nice.

Once your package has been marked "DELIVERED" by your postal carrier, it’s *your* responsibility to retrieve it from your mailbox or whatever other place it gets left at your building. I am not responsible for packages that get “stolen” by your neighbors or misplaced by your postal carrier. Every once in a while someone will get a "Delivered" scan but find no package in their mailbox---I've found that most of the time when that happens, the package shows up the next day. If not, your best bet is to call your local post office. They may be able to speak personally with the carrier who handled your package. Again, it's *your* responsibility to check on a package that has been marked "Delivered." I know it's daunting to make that phone call, but please understand that I don't have any "insider" information on this!

International customers: Please allow up to six weeks after your ship date for your package to arrive! Often packages arrive much sooner, but ship time can vary widely. Once a package leaves my country, I am unable to track it. Please understand that I don’t have any more information than you do on the location of your package. If something goes wrong with delivery, chances are the package will be sent back to me, so if delivery seems to be taking an unusually long time, please feel free to send me a message so I’m aware of the situation and can keep an eye on it.

CUSTOMS FORMS.
My customs forms are automatically generated when I print shipping labels, with the number of items and the dollar amount you paid for goods (that amount doesn’t include shipping cost). I have no problem adjusting the amount on the form to reflect the *value* of the item rather than the retail price. However, I will NOT falsify a customs form and will NOT mark an item as a “gift” unless it is actually a gift from me to you. Mail fraud is serious business, people! Super srsbsns! Please don’t try to get me sent to prison. I can’t take my birds with me.

CUSTOMS CHARGES.
If your customs officer charges you a random fee or demands a bribe before you can pick up your package, please understand that this is beyond my control. I assure you that the money does not come to me! I am NOT responsible for any additional charges you incur at your customs office.

SHIPPING COSTS.
My shipping charges are estimates based on what Etsy charges *me*. Maybe you’ve seen other companies charging less shipping than I charge. But I don’t base what I do on what other companies do. Other companies may charge a higher overhead cost for products, and therefore may be able to offer reduced shipping fees. Other companies may have the budget to buy huge quantities of supplies in bulk and pass the savings on to you with lower shipping costs. I am one small person running a very small company, and on average, I tend to *lose* money on international shipping.

For example, at the time of this writing, a package to Canada costs me $9.03 USD for a package between 4 and 8 ounces. An ounce over that and it goes up to $14.73 USD! Again, this is what *I* PAY. My packages average between 6 and 13 ounces; they’re almost never under 5. To Canada, I charge $8.00 to ship the first item and 50 cents for each additional item. So if you only buy one thing from me you’re actually getting a very nice price break. If you buy three items, you’re paying what I’m paying (minus three pennies, of course). After the third item, the actual cost versus what you pay up front starts varying widely depending on weight. I automatically REFUND your extra shipping costs at the time I print your shipping label, IF you overpay by two U.S. dollars or more. (But NOT for a buck or a few cents, because that is a royal pain in the ass.) If for some reason I forget to refund your extra shipping, please give me a nudge!

As a general rule, if you buy one to three items, you’re getting a better deal on shipping than I am. If those items are heavy, you’re probably getting an *AMAZING* deal. But if you’re buying, say, ten Bitsies, your up-front costs start to add up. So here’s my tip:

If you find that you’re getting nervous because you’ve got a big pile of items in your cart and your shipping costs are climbing, please get in touch with me. I can give you a better estimate of what your package will actually weigh and cost. I *won’t* make you a special listing for all the items together, because not seeing them in my queue screws with my inventory. But I will either refund you the extra or—if you don’t have the cash to overpay in advance—I’ll send you a discount code to defray the costs. Or something. We’ll work it out. But you’ve got to talk to me. Don’t be secretly mad at me on the internet, TALK TO MEEEEEEE. I won’t bite! Unless you’re into that or whatever! I’m easy!

Also, international customers who have worked with me in the past know I’m extremely flexible about holding and combining orders to help you save on shipping. See the next couple of paragraphs for my policies and practices on combined orders.

******COMBINING ORDERS.******
For INTERNATIONAL customers (outside the United States), I am happy to hold and combine orders that you place up to three weeks apart. I will refund any extra shipping you’ve paid at the time I print your shipping label. If you don’t have the $ to pay additional shipping costs up front, feel free to message me and I will give you a discount code that you can use to apply free shipping to your subsequent order. (A little secret: Even if I lose a couple of bucks, it actually is more convenient for me if you use the code up front, so that I don’t have to go hunting for your order in PayPal’s antiquated system to send you a refund.)

International customers, I’m always honored when you are willing to pay the price in order to make DarlingClandestine yours! Combining orders is a COURTESY that I extend to my customers because I know that international shipping costs are $$$$, and because I know that I like to spring lots of new and exciting things on you in the span of a few weeks. IN FACT, I schedule my new releases with international customers in mind, to place them within the three-week timespan from catalog to catalog. Please don’t complain on the internet that I “don’t care” about my international customers because I won’t hold your orders for months and months. There are days when I spend literally HOURS sorting through orders because I’m scrolling past “held” items in the queue, and simply printing labels can take three times as long because I have to check every single order to make sure it doesn’t have an add-on. Not to mention the time it takes to find your PayPal receipt in its 1991-style exact-character-match-only spreadsheet format to send you a refund for any shipping overage. Ay. This is a labor of LOVE, man. Don’t EVER think I don’t love you, OKAY?

For DOMESTIC customers (in the United States), I am happy to hold and combine orders that you place up to ONE WEEK apart. I know all too well what it’s like to place an order and then immediately decide you should’ve bought *more* stuff, lol. It’s cool if you do that, especially if you use a combined shipping code to speed things up for me. (Message me if you need that code.) But no more than one week apart, a’ight?

If it makes *sense* for me to combine domestic orders that are further apart, I will do that automatically, at my discretion. Let’s say, for example, that you ordered a presale item that wasn’t ready to ship yet, and then you ordered stuff from the general catalog two weeks later, and the items just happen to become available at the same time. Then I will automatically combine them and let you know, and I’ll send you a little refund for any shipping overage. But please, if you live in the United States, don’t ask me to hold multiple items for multiple weeks. Again, I spend HOURS sorting through combined orders and scrolling past “held” ones, and I’d really prefer not to add to that queue so that you can save, like, two bucks.

*******I CANNOT HOLD ORDERS INDEFINITELY******* to combine with a future purchase that doesn't have a specific date. Usually during a big release I'm already scrolling through pages and pages of "held" orders to get to the current ones. So unless, for example, you're planning on adding stuff from a seasonal release that I have announced is coming up next week, please expect your package to ship within the stated turnaround time.

*******Also, PLEASE note that when you add on to your order, your ship date is subject to the TURNAROUND TIME of the MOST RECENT ORDER.*******

GIFT PACKAGES.
I love it when you choose DarlingClandestine for your gifting needs! If you’d like me to send a package to a loved one as a gift, please let me know in your Message to Seller that you’re placing a gift order, and I’ll be happy to include a cute little note or other special gesture at my discretion. There’s no additional charge, unless you have something more elaborate in mind. If you would like something extra, send me a message; it sounds like fun! :D When you place a gift order, please make sure that the GIFTEE’S ADDRESS is the one you provide to Etsy. Yaaaaay!
Refunds and Exchanges
Due to the personal nature of my products, I cannot accept returns or exchanges of any kind. Here’s what I *can* promise:

SAFE DELIVERY of your goods. If your package is DAMAGED in transit and you’ve lost a significant amount of product (say, more than 10 percent has leaked out of a bottle), message me at once (on Etsy, please!) and I’ll be happy to send a replacement/refund depending on my inventory. If you’re able to take them, I’d appreciate photos of the damage, so I can see what went wrong and work on preventing it next time.

COMMUNICATION. You can message me anytime---on Etsy, please!---about any concerns whatsoever, and I’ll do my very best to answer any questions or work through any problems. You’ll find I’m easygoing, friendly, generous, and happiest when you’re happy. :)

Again, the BEST way to get a hold of me quickly is via Etsy Conversations. I’m on Facebook and Instagram as well, but I don’t always see those communications right away. I’m often juggling multiple requests at once, and I’m easily distracted (lol), but Etsy Conversations is the most reliable communication line and the one I check most frequently. I will nearly always respond within 24 hours, and usually MUCH sooner. If less than 24 hours has passed, there’s no need to message me again. I’ll getcha.

Here’s WHAT I ***CANNOT*** GUARANTEE:

I cannot guarantee that you’ll “LIKE” my products. DarlingClandestine concoctions are known for being incredibly complex, bemusing, perplexing, and often downright weird. That’s the point. I want you to have a fragrance experience that is miles away from average. This shop is not for people who prefer things to be “normal” and ordinary. When you buy from DarlingClandestine, you are plunging into an unusual experience. Keep an open mind.

Some of my products may turn out to be “not for you.” But please, when leaving feedback, consider the *quality* of the product and the personalized service I’ve provided to you. Fragrance is highly personal, and reviews that simply state that you don’t *like* a fragrance aren’t doing any kind of service to other buyers. Even more baffling are reviews in which you give five stars to your “favorite,” four stars to your “second favorite,” three stars to your “third favorite” and so on. This threatens to damage my feedback score, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of my products or how I’ve served you as a customer. Please don’t hurt my business because you have a thing for ranking favorites.

I do offer “Bitsy” vials of many of my fragrances if you’d like to give it a whirl before you commit to a full size, but please keep in mind that even my full sizes are priced EXTREMELY reasonably. You are purchasing original designer fragrance directly from the artist.


OTHER THINGS I CANNOT GUARANTEE:

I cannot guarantee the degree of SILLAGE, THROW, or LONGEVITY of a fragrance, either on your skin or in the bottle, or whether you can smell each “note” or whether you think each note smells like you think a note should smell. There are too many variables at play here. Your skin chemistry, your unique sense of smell, your dabbing and reapplying habits, your perception of the presence or absence of lingering fragrance, your neighbors’ perception of the presence or absence of lingering fragrance, and everything everything everything everything.

I CANNOT guarantee the SHELF LIFE of your perfumes. Again, there are too many variables at play. Temperature, light, moisture, and the individual composition of each element within the fragrance can all have effects on how long a fragrance will “keep”. Though I purchase ingredients to be fresh as possible, I cannot know what has happened to each individual ingredient on its journey, and DC fragrances usually contain a LOT of ingredients. And no, there is no carrier oil that will make a fragrance last forever, regardless of what you’ve read on the internet.

My primary carrier oils are sweet almond and fractionated coconut oil. Some of my earlier fragrances also used jojoba, rice bran and grapeseed oil, and I have not quite phased out the *mention* of those oils on some of my labels because I figure it’s *possible* some of the original batch bottles could still contain traces of those oils. (And phasing out labels is a serious undertaking.) But every fresh blend I make uses sweet almond and/or fractionated coconut oil as its carrier unless otherwise stated.

Many of my fragrances will age gorgeously, becoming deeper, richer, and more fascinating in the months after you first receive it. On average, you may find that the fragrance has reached aging perfection about four months after your purchase. Aging is a really intriguing aspect of oil-based fragrance, and you will have the best results if you store your fragrances in a cool, dry, dark place. Under good conditions, the average shelf life of my fragrances is one to two years. Don’t plan to hoard it, though. Consider it a perishable product.

I cannot guarantee the “gender” of your fragrances. (Enter Jeff Goldblum with a quip about pulling up dinosaurs’ skirts.) I don’t much care whether a fragrance counts as “masculine” or “feminine”. I think that fragrance is for everybody, and it’s very much a matter of personal taste. I do understand that some folks use gender preference as a guideline for how a fragrance might unfold on their skin. However, folks’ ideas of what constitutes “masculine” or “feminine” vary so widely that sometimes I find it baffling. When I catalog my fragrances, such as in the DC Discography on the Facebook page, I do try to indicate whether I think a fragrance leans toward traditionally masculine, traditionally feminine, or true unisex. But you might disagree based on your own preferences, culture, and experiences!

Oh, and for lack of a better place to put this: My fragrances are meant to apply to your skin and your hair, *not* to your clothing. They're oil-based, and oil may stain clothing and furniture.

WHAT MAKES ME SAD.
Asking me to make exceptions for you, or using sneaky coupon tactics, or asking for special listings, so that you can spend *less* money than my products are worth. I think my customers will agree that I am VERY GENEROUS and quite willing to go the extra mile to make your DC experience special. But you’ll find that I’m *more* generous when you don’t ask. Messaging me to ask for a smaller size than I offer, using coupon codes that weren’t intended for your purchase, asking for free samples when you’re making the absolute minimum purchase possible, requesting a special listing for things that are already in the shop and you could simply add to your cart . . . when you do these things, you’re essentially saying to me, “Your artistry is worth very little in my eyes, and your time is worth even less.”

It also pains me muchly to see people doing "comparison pricing" across different indie shops. "From W shop you can get one teaspoon of product in a sample container for $X, but Y shop sells samples for $Z." If you’re only shopping indie for the bargains, your heart is in the wrongest place. I price my products based on a lot of factors, but ultimately it's my *artistry* that's paying my bills. If you're considering whether to buy a Picasso or a Dali, and you make your ultimate decision based on which artist uses more *paint*, then, well . . . I don't think you get it.

WHAT I WILL *NEVER* TOLERATE:

I do not respond to extortion. If you pressure me to send you additional merchandise or money---this includes refunds---by copying and pasting “legal language” or saying things like “I will have no choice but to leave feedback accordingly,” our friendly conversation is over. You as a consumer absolutely do have rights, and if you are unsatisfied you are welcome to exercise those rights through either Etsy’s or PayPal’s resolution center. But if you message me with an extortion attempt, I will cease communication with you immediately. And we won’t be doing business again.

Multiple order CANCELLATIONS. I have a “two-strike” policy. I understand that sometimes an unexpected situation comes up and you need that dough back. And, of course, it’s cool if you’re cancelling an item to switch equivalent products or “upgrade”---let’s say you bought a Bitsy but then I relisted a full size and you want the full size. That’s great! Send me a message and we’ll get you set up. But if you repeatedly place impulsive orders and then request to cancel them, I may fire you as a customer. It’s very disrespectful to do that. You are wasting my time and adding to my workload, and I’m not even getting paid. And now Etsy makes cancellations easier than ever, with one click and a canned message. Fair warning: If you need to cancel an order and you plan on being a customer in the future, I *highly* recommend that you take a moment to reach out to me with a message that you wrote yourself. You certainly don’t have to explain your personal situation; that’s none of my business. But *acknowledging* me goes a long way toward how I’ll feel about doing business with you in the future.
Additional policies and FAQs
CUSTOM ITEMS.
Custom is not really my style. There are plenty of sellers who are happy to blend two or three commercial oils together at a customer's request, but for my perfumes, complexity is key. I take great pride in the dozens of ingredients, weeks of methodical sniffitude, and carefully crafted "stories" that accompany my perfumes. My collection is very diverse, though, so chances are there's something that may strike your fancy---I'm happy to give recommendations on request!

WHAT I AM.
- Artist
- Human being
- Super cool, obviously

WHAT I AM NOT.
I am NOT a chemist, a physician, or a veterinarian. DO NOT ASK ME FOR MEDICAL ADVICE OF ANY KIND. Do not ask me if it’s “safe” to use my products while pregnant/nursing/migraining/sunbathing/basejumping/windsurfing/beatboxing. “Safe” is a dangerous word. Do not ask me if your skin will be sensitive. I have never met your skin. Do not message me in a panic, telling me that your dog ate your perfume and asking me if your dog will be okay. Every living body is different. It is not reasonable to expect me to know how your body will react to a product, and it is not reasonable to expect me to assure you that products won’t do things to your body. If you have a medical concern, call a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL.

If you are concerned about a SPECIFIC INGREDIENT in a product: Let’s say, for example, you are sensitive to cinnamon, and you’re interested in a particular product. Feel free to message me asking me if I use cinnamon in that product, and I’ll tell you if I do or don’t. But you can’t go “fishing” for ingredients by asking me for a list. Fragrance is proprietary, and my formulas are my own and not subject to disclosure. If I use any synthetic ingredients in a blend, those synthetics (which themselves are also proprietary) are approved for use on skin and are diluted according to the manufacturer’s recommendations. But ANY ingredient can be associated with sensitivity at ANY time, and I cannot predict the things your body will do. Nobody can, really.

AS A GENERAL RULE, if you are PREGNANT, I advise that you DO NOT USE MY PRODUCTS. Many of my products contain essential oils. Some essential oils have been associated with risks during pregnancy. If you ask, I am happy to tell you whether or not a specific product contains a specific essential oil, but I will NOT provide you with a general list of risks associated with essential oils. It is, of course, ultimately your decision whether you use a product or not, but do NOT expect me to tell you it’s okay. I cannot be held responsible for your decision. Again, if you want medical advice, ask your physician.

AS A RULE, if you have ANY doubts whatsoever, do not use my products. “But what if I------?” you ask. I SAID ASK YOUR PHYSICIAN.

Also, a little #realtalk: My products are prepared in a clean workshop, not a sterile laboratory. I’m extremely mindful of surface contact, I don’t cross the streams, I wear gloves and a face mask when appropriate, I wash the hell out of my hands, I meticulously wipe down and disinfect my counter space, and I keep my ingredients away from moisture. But I do not know what bugs touched what flowers before they made it to my workshop, and my products are not sterile. Also, sometimes I use synthetic fragrance ingredients in my blend, and they themselves are proprietary, meaning I don’t know their exact chemical composition aside from the fact that they’re approved for use in skin products and are phthalate-free.

I am not a sorceress, a witch, or a class 30 mage. Please do not ask me about the spiritual properties of my fragrances. They are for smelling nice, and that is all.

My products are NOT for "therapeutic" use. They are for smelling nice, and that is all. Several of my blends are all-botanical, meaning I use only plant extracts. But please do not succumb to hype about “all-natural” ingredients or confuse “handmade” with “non-toxic” or “chemical-free.” Everything is made of chemicals. Everything. Even YOU!

WHAT I WELCOME.
I love it when you share links to your DarlingClandestine reviews on your blog, especially since I don’t get a chance to see every post on my own! I also welcome fun interactions at Facebook.com/DarlingClandestine and @darlingclandestine on Instagram. Fair warning if you follow the Instagram account, though: You are going to see a LOT of chicken photos.

WHAT I COMPLETELY IGNORE.
Solicitations asking me to send you free merchandise in exchange for “honest reviews” and “a great opportunity for exposure” on your blog. Ahem, *you* found *me*, buddy. And there are already honest reviews of my products all over the internet, written by wonderful bloggers big and small, bloggers who PURCHASED my merchandise. Read them. Many of them are quite excellent, and are great examples on how to run a blog with creativity and integrity . . . and without cranking out a wad of form letters begging for free stuff from people like me, for whom sales = groceries. Don’t try to take my groceries.

THANK YOU FOR READING ALL THOSE WORDS! LOVE AND SHARKS TO YOU!