noncomposcards

Hi, You've Reached the Anti-Hallmark.

On Etsy since 2009

3,278 Sales | 5 out of 5 stars

Top shop for gifts.

Buyers bought gifts from this shop and gave them 5-star reviews!

noncomposcards

Hi, You've Reached the Anti-Hallmark.

3,278 Sales

5 out of 5 stars

Shop owner

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Announcement    Welcome to my dark corner of the holiday card market. Here you will find creepy, offensive, and oddly original options for your card giving needs.

Every card in the shop is constantly being replenished, so if there is anything you want a larger quantity of, simply send me a convo.

A lot of my cards are seasonal, so stop back around Christmas and Valentines Day for porn-y and serial killer goodness.

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I ship everything USPS First Class; if there is the rare circumstance preventing me from mailing it right away, I will contact you immediately with a status update. All domestic orders will have a tracking number attached to it, which you will receive via email. If you would like to upgrade shipping to Priority or better, please convo me and I will adjust the shipping fee on the item(s) you want accordingly. International orders do not come with tracking due to the high cost, but please let me know if you want to upgrade!

I am not responsible for items once they are handed over to the United States Postal Service, but if you haven't received your order within a week, please let me know -- I do not like unhappy customers, and I know how it feels to be on that end of a transaction!

Announcement

Last updated on Jan 23, 2020

Welcome to my dark corner of the holiday card market. Here you will find creepy, offensive, and oddly original options for your card giving needs.

Every card in the shop is constantly being replenished, so if there is anything you want a larger quantity of, simply send me a convo.

A lot of my cards are seasonal, so stop back around Christmas and Valentines Day for porn-y and serial killer goodness.

****
I ship everything USPS First Class; if there is the rare circumstance preventing me from mailing it right away, I will contact you immediately with a status update. All domestic orders will have a tracking number attached to it, which you will receive via email. If you would like to upgrade shipping to Priority or better, please convo me and I will adjust the shipping fee on the item(s) you want accordingly. International orders do not come with tracking due to the high cost, but please let me know if you want to upgrade!

I am not responsible for items once they are handed over to the United States Postal Service, but if you haven't received your order within a week, please let me know -- I do not like unhappy customers, and I know how it feels to be on that end of a transaction!

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Erin Appledale

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Erin Appledale

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Average item review
5 out of 5 stars
(947)
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quality 170 shipping 160 customer service 35

About noncomposcards

Sales 3,278
On Etsy since 2009

I just wanted to make my friends cringe.

Back in the day, I used to blog on LiveJournal. Every December like clockwork, my LJ friends would start posting about wanting to do a Christmas Card swap. "Comment with your address and I'll send you a Xmas card!" You know the drill. I always thought it was kind of lame, because I'm anti-everything. But then one year, in 2006, I decided to participate and made my own COMMENT WITH YOUR ADDY OMG! post.

My boyfriend was all, "The FUCK are you doing?!" And then watched as I proceeded to print out sheet after sheet of serial killer faces, which I then cut out and glue to black construction paper. I handwrote every sickening greeting with a silver gel pen and then sent them on their way.

To my surprise, a lot of the people actually liked them.

A year later, I put a couple up for sale on my original Etsy shop, which was just paintings of monsters with disturbing stories. And they started to sell. I had 6 designs then. Baby, look at me now!

And because I do get chastising convos on here from time to time, this is the part where I tell you that I don't condone murder. I don't idolize serial killers. I don't think it's funny or awesome that people have died at their hands. It's more of an expression, a way for me to be tongue-in-cheek about Hallmark and the entire commercialized holiday card industry. I sure as hell don't want to send some crappy Thomas Kinkaid bullshit card to my friends for their birthdays, so this shop is there for all of the people out there who crave something different, a little bit of shock value. non compos cards is for YOU.

Shop members

  • Henry the Manservant

    Shipper, Assistant

    This is Henry the Manservant. When you place an order, he does all the grunt-work, such as assembling the product (our cards are 2 layers---we don't just print & fold!) & shipping. Basically, if there is a defect with your card, #blamehenry.

  • Erin Rachelle

    Owner, Creator, Customer Service

    Hola! I'm the brains behind this operation. All the cards are designed by me, and 99.9% of the convo replies come from me. Basically, if it sounds short and kind of grammatically-jarring, then lucky you!---you just received a convo from Henry.

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