noncomposcards
Announcement
***Hello! Recently we have had to raise the prices for international shipping in order to ensure that tracking is included. We tried to accommodate our overseas customers by offering the lowest rate we could manage but with that came no way to actually track the package, lost and/or majorly delayed items, and a lot of refunds and unhappy people. I do hope you understand, and if you still want to order a card but want to take a chance with cheaper postage and no tracking, just send me a convo before ordering but please understand that I will not be offering refunds if the item gets lost. I’m very sorry! We love our international customers and this was a hard decision but the right one - I just want everyone to get their items!
Please also note for US customers that USPS has been experiencing major delays. We do our best to get all orders shipped as soon as possible, and all sales made within the US come with tracking info, but once the cards leave our hands we can not guarantee when the cards will arrive to their destination. I’ve been experiencing the same frustrations as a buyer, as well, so I get it! Please be patient with us, we want everyone to get their cards as fast as possible and to be happy!***
Welcome to my dark corner of the holiday card market. Here you will find creepy, offensive, and oddly original options for your card giving needs.
Every card in the shop is constantly being replenished, so if there is anything you want a larger quantity of, simply send me a convo.
A lot of my cards are seasonal, so stop back around Christmas and Valentines Day for porn-y and serial killer goodness.
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I ship everything USPS First Class; if there is the rare circumstance preventing me from mailing it right away, I will contact you immediately with a status update. All domestic orders will have a tracking number attached to it, which you will receive via email. If you would like to upgrade shipping to Priority or better, please convo me and I will adjust the shipping fee on the item(s) you want accordingly. International orders do not come with tracking due to the high cost, but please let me know if you want to upgrade!
I am not responsible for items once they are handed over to the United States Postal Service, but if you haven't received your order within a week, please let me know -- I do not like unhappy customers, and I know how it feels to be on that end of a transaction!
Announcement
***Hello! Recently we have had to raise the prices for international shipping in order to ensure that tracking is included. We tried to accommodate our overseas customers by offering the lowest rate we could manage but with that came no way to actually track the package, lost and/or majorly delayed items, and a lot of refunds and unhappy people. I do hope you understand, and if you still want to order a card but want to take a chance with cheaper postage and no tracking, just send me a convo before ordering but please understand that I will not be offering refunds if the item gets lost. I’m very sorry! We love our international customers and this was a hard decision but the right one - I just want everyone to get their items!
Please also note for US customers that USPS has been experiencing major delays. We do our best to get all orders shipped as soon as possible, and all sales made within the US come with tracking info, but once the cards leave our hands we can not guarantee when the cards will arrive to their destination. I’ve been experiencing the same frustrations as a buyer, as well, so I get it! Please be patient with us, we want everyone to get their cards as fast as possible and to be happy!***
Welcome to my dark corner of the holiday card market. Here you will find creepy, offensive, and oddly original options for your card giving needs.
Every card in the shop is constantly being replenished, so if there is anything you want a larger quantity of, simply send me a convo.
A lot of my cards are seasonal, so stop back around Christmas and Valentines Day for porn-y and serial killer goodness.
****
I ship everything USPS First Class; if there is the rare circumstance preventing me from mailing it right away, I will contact you immediately with a status update. All domestic orders will have a tracking number attached to it, which you will receive via email. If you would like to upgrade shipping to Priority or better, please convo me and I will adjust the shipping fee on the item(s) you want accordingly. International orders do not come with tracking due to the high cost, but please let me know if you want to upgrade!
I am not responsible for items once they are handed over to the United States Postal Service, but if you haven't received your order within a week, please let me know -- I do not like unhappy customers, and I know how it feels to be on that end of a transaction!
Items
Featured items
All Items
Reviews
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Lauren on Aug 10, 2022
5 out of 5 starsSuper high quality, exactly as pictured, exceeded my expectations!
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Karina on Jun 16, 2022
5 out of 5 starsI asked the sender if it could be sent as soon as possible and it came earlier than expected! I TRULY appreciate that kind of customer service kindness. And the card was a success!
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Eanna on May 24, 2022
5 out of 5 starsThis card is HILARIOUS, came soooooo quickly! Perfect gift for my cult lovin lady
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Ashley on Aug 21, 2022
5 out of 5 starsNaughtier than I expected, but that was pleasant surprise. Looks like my husband is going to get surprise Valentines all year round.
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Brenda on Aug 2, 2022
5 out of 5 starsThe quality of my Betty White card was really good. It matched the description, and met my expectations.
About noncomposcards
I just wanted to make my friends cringe.
Back in the day, I used to blog on LiveJournal. Every December like clockwork, my LJ friends would start posting about wanting to do a Christmas Card swap. "Comment with your address and I'll send you a Xmas card!" You know the drill. I always thought it was kind of lame, because I'm anti-everything. But then one year, in 2006, I decided to participate and made my own COMMENT WITH YOUR ADDY OMG! post.
My boyfriend was all, "The FUCK are you doing?!" And then watched as I proceeded to print out sheet after sheet of serial killer faces, which I then cut out and glue to black construction paper. I handwrote every sickening greeting with a silver gel pen and then sent them on their way.
To my surprise, a lot of the people actually liked them.
A year later, I put a couple up for sale on my original Etsy shop, which was just paintings of monsters with disturbing stories. And they started to sell. I had 6 designs then. Baby, look at me now!
And because I do get chastising convos on here from time to time, this is the part where I tell you that I don't condone murder. I don't idolize serial killers. I don't think it's funny or awesome that people have died at their hands. It's more of an expression, a way for me to be tongue-in-cheek about Hallmark and the entire commercialized holiday card industry. I sure as hell don't want to send some crappy Thomas Kinkaid bullshit card to my friends for their birthdays, so this shop is there for all of the people out there who crave something different, a little bit of shock value. non compos cards is for YOU.
Shop members
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Henry the Manservant
Shipper, Assistant
This is Henry the Manservant. When you place an order, he does all the grunt-work, such as assembling the product (our cards are 2 layers---we don't just print & fold!) & shipping. Basically, if there is a defect with your card, #blamehenry.
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Erin Rachelle
Owner, Creator, Customer Service
Hola! I'm the brains behind this operation. All the cards are designed by me, and 99.9% of the convo replies come from me. Basically, if it sounds short and kind of grammatically-jarring, then lucky you!---you just received a convo from Henry.
Shop policies
Shipping
Customs and import taxes
Payment options
Returns & exchanges
I gladly accept returns and exchanges
I don't accept cancellations
The following items can't be returned or exchanged
- Custom or personalized orders
- Perishable products (like food or flowers)
- Digital downloads
- Intimate items (for health/hygiene reasons)
I accept returns I do not accept returns
I accept exchanges I do not accept exchanges
I accept cancellations I do not accept cancellations
Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for: