noncomposcards
Buyers are raving!
This shop got multiple 5-star reviews in the past 7 days.
Announcement
***Please note that USPS has been experiencing major delays. We do our best to get all orders shipped as soon as possible, and all sales made within the US come with tracking info, but once the cards leave our hands we can not guarantee when the cards will arrive to their destination. Please be patient with us, we want everyone to get their cards as fast as possible and to be happy!***
***Not accepting custom requests at this time. Sorry! This pandemic has me zapped of creativity!***
Welcome to my dark corner of the holiday card market. Here you will find creepy, offensive, and oddly original options for your card giving needs.
Every card in the shop is constantly being replenished, so if there is anything you want a larger quantity of, simply send me a convo.
A lot of my cards are seasonal, so stop back around Christmas and Valentines Day for porn-y and serial killer goodness.
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I ship everything USPS First Class; if there is the rare circumstance preventing me from mailing it right away, I will contact you immediately with a status update. All domestic orders will have a tracking number attached to it, which you will receive via email. If you would like to upgrade shipping to Priority or better, please convo me and I will adjust the shipping fee on the item(s) you want accordingly. International orders do not come with tracking due to the high cost, but please let me know if you want to upgrade!
I am not responsible for items once they are handed over to the United States Postal Service, but if you haven't received your order within a week, please let me know -- I do not like unhappy customers, and I know how it feels to be on that end of a transaction!
Announcement
***Please note that USPS has been experiencing major delays. We do our best to get all orders shipped as soon as possible, and all sales made within the US come with tracking info, but once the cards leave our hands we can not guarantee when the cards will arrive to their destination. Please be patient with us, we want everyone to get their cards as fast as possible and to be happy!***
***Not accepting custom requests at this time. Sorry! This pandemic has me zapped of creativity!***
Welcome to my dark corner of the holiday card market. Here you will find creepy, offensive, and oddly original options for your card giving needs.
Every card in the shop is constantly being replenished, so if there is anything you want a larger quantity of, simply send me a convo.
A lot of my cards are seasonal, so stop back around Christmas and Valentines Day for porn-y and serial killer goodness.
****
I ship everything USPS First Class; if there is the rare circumstance preventing me from mailing it right away, I will contact you immediately with a status update. All domestic orders will have a tracking number attached to it, which you will receive via email. If you would like to upgrade shipping to Priority or better, please convo me and I will adjust the shipping fee on the item(s) you want accordingly. International orders do not come with tracking due to the high cost, but please let me know if you want to upgrade!
I am not responsible for items once they are handed over to the United States Postal Service, but if you haven't received your order within a week, please let me know -- I do not like unhappy customers, and I know how it feels to be on that end of a transaction!
Items
All Items
Reviews
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coloradospringsjen on Nov 22, 2021
5 out of 5 starsThese are great! Can't wait until Valentine's Day! Really fast ship. Would definitely shop again!
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Lauren on Aug 8, 2021
5 out of 5 starsArrived quickly and was dubbed "best birthday card ever." Thank you!
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Kellie on May 31, 2021
5 out of 5 starsPerfect birthday card! Very well made, pleased with quality. Thank you!
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Kyley on Nov 25, 2021
4 out of 5 starsAwesome card can’t wait to give it to my partner for Christmas
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Kaleigh on Oct 30, 2021
5 out of 5 starsThis is even better quality than I was expecting! It was shipped to ensure no damage to the card. 10/10 would buy again.
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cliff on Oct 17, 2021
5 out of 5 starsHigh quality, fast shipping, perfect for mom's 80th birthday....
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cliff on Oct 17, 2021
5 out of 5 starsPerfectly inappropriate😈... great for grandma's upcoming birthday...
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Mickey on Oct 5, 2021
5 out of 5 starsAbsolutely LOVE IT !! I've been waiting since 1997 for a card like this !!
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About noncomposcards
I just wanted to make my friends cringe.
Back in the day, I used to blog on LiveJournal. Every December like clockwork, my LJ friends would start posting about wanting to do a Christmas Card swap. "Comment with your address and I'll send you a Xmas card!" You know the drill. I always thought it was kind of lame, because I'm anti-everything. But then one year, in 2006, I decided to participate and made my own COMMENT WITH YOUR ADDY OMG! post.
My boyfriend was all, "The FUCK are you doing?!" And then watched as I proceeded to print out sheet after sheet of serial killer faces, which I then cut out and glue to black construction paper. I handwrote every sickening greeting with a silver gel pen and then sent them on their way.
To my surprise, a lot of the people actually liked them.
A year later, I put a couple up for sale on my original Etsy shop, which was just paintings of monsters with disturbing stories. And they started to sell. I had 6 designs then. Baby, look at me now!
And because I do get chastising convos on here from time to time, this is the part where I tell you that I don't condone murder. I don't idolize serial killers. I don't think it's funny or awesome that people have died at their hands. It's more of an expression, a way for me to be tongue-in-cheek about Hallmark and the entire commercialized holiday card industry. I sure as hell don't want to send some crappy Thomas Kinkaid bullshit card to my friends for their birthdays, so this shop is there for all of the people out there who crave something different, a little bit of shock value. non compos cards is for YOU.
Shop members
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Henry the Manservant
Shipper, Assistant
This is Henry the Manservant. When you place an order, he does all the grunt-work, such as assembling the product (our cards are 2 layers---we don't just print & fold!) & shipping. Basically, if there is a defect with your card, #blamehenry.
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Erin Rachelle
Owner, Creator, Customer Service
Hola! I'm the brains behind this operation. All the cards are designed by me, and 99.9% of the convo replies come from me. Basically, if it sounds short and kind of grammatically-jarring, then lucky you!---you just received a convo from Henry.
Shop policies
Shipping
Payment options
Returns & exchanges
I gladly accept returns and exchanges
I don't accept cancellations
The following items can't be returned or exchanged
- Custom or personalized orders
- Perishable products (like food or flowers)
- Digital downloads
- Intimate items (for health/hygiene reasons)
I accept returns I do not accept returns
I accept exchanges I do not accept exchanges
I accept cancellations I do not accept cancellations
Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for: