retirementfund

I GOT HOODIES AND SWEATSHIRTS NOW!

160,911 Sales |

Buyers are raving!

This shop got multiple 5-star reviews in the past 7 days.

Matt Gauck

Contact

Announcement HANG IN THERE BABY patches and shirts got banned but I can still make them for you, just email me <3

Announcement

Last updated on Dec 31, 2021

HANG IN THERE BABY patches and shirts got banned but I can still make them for you, just email me <3

Items

Contact shop owner

160911 Sales

24240 Admirers

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Featured items

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

$1.00

Bestseller

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh

$1.00

Bestseller

DEER SKULL oooh witchy and cool and spiderwebby and spooky but also thoughtful you know PATCH

$2.00

GOODNIGHT WHITE PRIDE patch

$1.00

All Items

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

take nothing leave everything screenprinted BACK PATCH pro earth anti stupid recycle yourself

$7.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Prevent forest fires BURN CITIES INSTEAD patch funny environmentally sound

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

skull growing a plant PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

FWORD MONSANTO PATCH food politics rule

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

Clearcut the suburbs treefrog direct action PATCH

$1.00

11 people have this in their cart

LAYING FIGURE experiences the solitude and nurturing qualities of the natural world PATCH

$1.00

20 people have this in their cart

SAVE THE EARTH patch bankrupt a corporation who are we kidding thinking recycling is helping enough to make a difference

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

RAINBRINGER witch PATCH mother nature created us all here's proof

$1.00

8 people have this in their cart

Support the forest COMPOST A BULLDOZER patch direct action environment vegan nature is great

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

NOSFEARAT YOU PATCH the king of old school horror this movie is so freaking good and so freaking old also

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

RESCUE DOG I only bite jerks hope you aren't one haha PATCH

$1.00

BE MORE RESPONSIBLE Black Rhino Screenprinted Patch

$1.00

DRUGFREE BLACKMETAL PATCH or death metal if you wanna split hairs either way we know it's not pop punk

$1.00

BEGOTTN HORROR PATCH easily the most unpopular item on etsy God Is Dead All Hail Nature

$1.00

14 people have this in their cart

attention all dudes everywhere do NOT TOUCH ME patch

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

CHAINSAW SAINT BACKPATCH well sorta I mean its big but not like huge huge

$5.00

9 people have this in their cart

SATANIC GOAT HEAD haha or is it just another vegan patch I made since theres some kale getting nibbled on patch

$1.00

18 people have this in their cart

We were here first WOLVES patch animals are better than people in many many ways

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

FOLK ART cop car on fire PATCH this was my favorite thing I drew in the last couple weeks so I hope you feel the same way

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Creature From The dark Lagoo PATCH old school horror is the best horror there is except maybe early 80s slashers what can I say

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

WITCH mother nature as a witch BACKPATCH nature cults unite punk eerie and neat

$7.00

18 people have this in their cart

Holy F wording S word OWLS patch

$1.00

I Support the Right To Arm Bears Patch

$1.00

15 people have this in their cart

DEER SKULL oooh witchy and cool and spiderwebby and spooky but also thoughtful you know PATCH

$2.00

13 people have this in their cart

BORIS as the definitive MoMMY patch old school horror for life aka until death which is what you get when you meet this guy

$1.00

Len Cheney as THE WOOFMAN patch old school horror fans unite

$1.00

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

BIG LIZARD the arrogance of man PATCH

$1.00

11 people have this in their cart

NIGHT of the LOVING deed patch the patron saint of zombies and the undead and everything great in the world PATCH

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH witch lovers and ballet dancers unite

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

HORROR GIALLO PATCH the gloved hand with the old school shaving blade that spells your death

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

FIGHT ORCS not wars PATCH finally you crass loving dungens and dragns nuts have an image you can stand behind

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

ACAB anti capitalism anti bigotry PATCH

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

Contact shop owner

Matt Gauck

Contact shop owner

Reviews

Average item review

(28111)

See reviews that mention:

Quality 3063 Shipping 2398 Customer service 1268

Shayna on Jan 13, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Very cute and looks good on my patch pants

skull growing a plant PATCH

skull growing a plant PATCH
Joanna on Jan 10, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

quality of prints is a bit hit or miss, but definitely worth the price tag, can't beat the price. I was actually pleasantly surprised that most of the prints were a lot clearer than I expected, given the price. I would definitely recommend this shop and will buy from them again.

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here
Ozzy on Jan 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

a little bigger than i was expecting! but a gorgeous, quality patch.

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Ghostflower Botanicals on Jan 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Beautiful, well made. Would recommend!

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here
Ghostflower Botanicals on Jan 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Beautiful, well made. Would recommend!

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Ghostflower Botanicals on Jan 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Beautiful, well made. Would recommend!

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha
Damian on Jan 16, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Arrived super fast. So many great patches. Definitely happy with the mix of patches that came in the order.

MEGA DEAL 35 patches for only 25 dollars exclamation point

MEGA DEAL 35 patches for only 25 dollars exclamation point
Damian on Jan 16, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Looks amazing. This is my main patch on my vest. I get constant complaints on this patch.

Badd Brainz BACKPATCH finally you asked for it you got it even though it took a year and a half

Badd Brainz BACKPATCH finally you asked for it you got it even though it took a year and a half
Gwen on Jan 15, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

came super fast and i love it

take nothing leave everything screenprinted BACK PATCH pro earth anti stupid recycle yourself

take nothing leave everything screenprinted BACK PATCH pro earth anti stupid recycle yourself
Hannah on Jan 16, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

take nothing leave everything screenprinted BACK PATCH pro earth anti stupid recycle yourself

take nothing leave everything screenprinted BACK PATCH pro earth anti stupid recycle yourself

About retirementfund

Sales 160,911

On Etsy since 2011

Your orders now come in hand colored envelopes, courtesy of my wonderful partner! Be blown away by her artistic depth!
They just get better and better!

Printing stuff in my bedroom since 1995

Quick story, in blastbeat speed:

- My dad got me a screenprinting kit in 1995
- I messed up screenprints for years
- Eventually I got sorta good at it
- Most animal rights / veg patches are recycled images from a million years ago
- I was all "I think I can do better than that"
- I did!
- When you're doing things DIY, they should be cheap
- My shop name is a joke
- I hope that's clear
- Symbol crash! Story over!

Shop members

Matt Gauck

Owner, Total Genius

I'm some guy who draws and paints a lot. I ride my bike a lot. DIY for life! Corporate ANYTHING can touch my butt!

Shop policies

Last updated on November 15, 2018

I do everything myself! I love reusing and reducing even more than I like recycling! I ride my bike a lot! I sometimes like screenprinting. If your order has a piece of hair stuck in the tape on the back, it's because my beard is super thick and goes crazy sometimes! Count yourself lucky, and sell my dna on ebay for all I care! Who cares let's move on!

Accepted payment methods

Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits

Returns and exchanges

I gladly accept returns and exchanges

Contact me within: 14 days of delivery

Ship items back within: 30 days of delivery

I don't accept cancellations

But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.

The following items can't be returned or exchanged

Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for:

Custom or personalized orders
Perishable products (like food or flowers)
Digital downloads
Intimate items (for health/hygiene reasons)

Questions about your order?

Please if you have any problems with your order.

Returns and exchange details

IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR ORDER that's totally not a big deal. The post office loses letters all the time, and because patches are tiny, it happens. PLEASE get in touch if you do not receive your item in 2 weeks time since it ships, and I will gladly work out something with you. Typically I will resend it free of charge, but the only way I know is if you write me! So you gotta! But don't scam me, that'd be super messed up. Besides, I'll know. I can tell.

Payment

I'm super approachable in real life and strive to do the same over the internet. It's NOT the same, but still. I prefer to be paid in whatever method works for you. If you think you want something then don't, that's totally fine. Email me with ANY problems, seriously, I will respond.

Shipping

I ship everything USPS, typically in white envelopes that are hand stamped with my return address. I try to get the out within about 3-6 days - I usually let etsy take up about 3 days of my week, between reprinting, filling orders, and heat setting. I don't do insurance or confirmation, unless you REALLY REALLY think you want it, which I really don't think you do. These are patches, not priceless works of art.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING about the cost - My goal here is to make ONE DOLLAR on each patch. That's my whole deal (save backpatches, which are bigger obviously). Anyway, the extra cost in shipping goes to cover things like the Etsy fees (there are more than one) and the Paypal percentage taken out of your payment. So if you get an order with just one stamp, and wonder why you paid 2 dollars in shipping, that is why. Hidden fees! They're everywhere! But you can get around those if you are smart. Seriously, just think about it. Let me know if you have questions. I write back to everything.

Additional policies and FAQs

TSHIRT INFORMATION: I switched all the black shirts over to ROYAL APPAREL BRAND shirts, which are organic, and USA made. No sweatshops, no messed up crap that comes with most manufactured things. I'm going to switch the grey ones over to Royal soon, but I gotta sell off the Gildan ones first. I mean, what can I do with 60 blank shirts for myself? Nothing helpful, that's what.

CUSTOM ORDER INFORMATION: I don't do custom orders! UNLESS you want over 50 of the same patch, at which point, yeah, go ahead and email me. I might be interested. MAAAAYBE.

OH OH OH THIS IS IMPORTANT sometimes I go on tour with my bicycle for weeks at a time, or with a band for weeks/months. I leave my shop open, which means you can still order stuff, but it also means you don't get it for awhile. HOWEVER if this is the case, I will do my best to make it VERY clear on the front page of my etsy site. So if you don't see a banner that says "your order won't ship until April of next year" then I'm likely at home. Bonus points if you're the patient type! If you're not, do better! You could be patient too!