retirementfund

One dollar patches forever!

| 184,809 Sales |

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Average review rating is 4.8 or higher

Matt Gauck

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Announcement I’m on Instagram @veganpatches THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL

Announcement

Last updated on Mar 27, 2022

I’m on Instagram @veganpatches THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL

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Featured items

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

$1.00

Bestseller

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh

$1.00

Bestseller

GOODNIGHT WHITE PRIDE patch

$1.00

Bury Me With Books Bookmark SCREENPRINTED by me also drawn by me

$1.00

Bestseller

All Items

SAINT Mike patch horror straightforward blah blah blah

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

NOSFEARAT YOU PATCH the king of old school horror this movie is so freaking good and so freaking old also

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

attention all dudes everywhere do NOT TOUCH ME patch

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

SAVE THE EARTH patch bankrupt a corporation who are we kidding thinking recycling is helping enough to make a difference

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

SATANIC GOAT HEAD haha or is it just another vegan patch I made since theres some kale getting nibbled on patch

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

ANARCHIST seven seel PATCH dance like there is no god

$1.00

9 people have this in their cart

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Z0MBIE PATCH straightforward

$1.00

17 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH too gory for the silver screen WIZARD video vhs pride

$1.00

16 people have this in their cart

Creature From The dark Lagoo PATCH old school horror is the best horror there is except maybe early 80s slashers what can I say

$1.00

8 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH pretty straightforward not very creative they can't all be winners can they

$1.00

20 people have this in their cart

TRANS IS BEAUTIFUL patch support human beings not dated morality issues tradition invented years ago

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

More old growth less economic growth PATCH up the trees down the economy

$1.00

16 people have this in their cart

Take nothing leave everything screenprinted patch punk earth first black metal deal with it

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

HAIL SCIENCE PATCH that means religion must be getting real burned right now

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

NEVER AGAIN PATCH keep abortion safe and legal it's 2018 how does anyone see this as new information

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

We were here first WOLVES patch animals are better than people in many many ways

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

SNAKE WITCH PATCH whoa she's kneeling by the lakeside and her arm is turning into a snake ahhhhh get back

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

skull growing a plant PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

SAINT JASON as in jason the patron saint of killing teens and definitely not swimming horror PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

ACAB robot cop all cyborgs are bastards PATCH finally somebody said it

$1.00

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

FALL BRINGER witch PATCH oooh get it she made the leaves die and turns the clock for us all

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

FOLK ART cop car on fire PATCH this was my favorite thing I drew in the last couple weeks so I hope you feel the same way

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

INJUSTICE MINI PATCH this is the small version I hope you understand that

$1.00

17 people have this in their cart

INJUSTICE LARGE PATCH theres a bunch of words here so just look at the image

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

DEER SKULL oooh witchy and cool and spiderwebby and spooky but also thoughtful you know PATCH

$2.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

MEGA DEAL 35 patches for only 25 dollars exclamation point

$25.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

DRUGFREE BLACKMETAL PATCH or death metal if you wanna split hairs either way we know it's not pop punk

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

Beer Sucks Drink Water XXX Straightedge Patch

$1.00

11 people have this in their cart

VEGAN ANARCHIST patch

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

HORROR black metal PATCH the Reanim8r aka herbie freaking west the unstoppable genius

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

COMPASSION comes in many forms PATCH animal rights

$1.00

11 people have this in their cart

Gender pronoun PATCH they them

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

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Contact shop owner

Matt Gauck

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Reviews

Average item review

(34164)

See reviews that mention:

Roberto on Sep 26, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Fairly good quality, still proudly brandishing after a couple months

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Lauren on Sep 25, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Quality of these patches is always superb.

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me
m on Sep 24, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Perfect! The print is very clean and it is beautiful

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Hazel on Sep 22, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Beautiful print, speedy shipping, and a great price. The only problem is figuring out which to add to my vest and which go on my bag 🖤

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me
Miska on Sep 22, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

super high quality as always, looks even better in person! i'm really fond of the material, it's very easy to sew on :-) got this and another patch as a gift for my friend after buying a few personally and i'm excited for him to see them!

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha
Margie on Sep 26, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Super happy with the patches I ordered! They are great quality and shipped super fast. Thanks again!

ACAB anti capitalism anti bigotry PATCH

ACAB anti capitalism anti bigotry PATCH
Stuart on Sep 26, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Printed on cloth and not canvas. Still a great patch for the price.

ACAB all caterpillars are badass PATCH didn't see that coming did you

ACAB all caterpillars are badass PATCH didn't see that coming did you
Summer on Sep 26, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

The patches are beautifully printed. Sew excited to put them on my jacket- thank you so much!!

eclipse the PATRIARCHY PATCH that's right I'm a man and I'm still on team 'get rid of traditional masculinity'

eclipse the PATRIARCHY PATCH that's right I'm a man and I'm still on team 'get rid of traditional masculinity'
Lauren on Sep 25, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Quality of these patches are superb.

the best in feminine protection GUN in your FACE PATCH

the best in feminine protection GUN in your FACE PATCH
River Neal on Sep 26, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Hello my pronouns are HE and HIM patch

Hello my pronouns are HE and HIM patch

About retirementfund

Sales 184,809

On Etsy since 2011

Your orders now come in hand colored envelopes, courtesy of my wonderful partner! Be blown away by her artistic depth!
They just get better and better!

Printing stuff in my bedroom since 1995

Quick story, in blastbeat speed:

- My dad got me a screenprinting kit in 1995
- I messed up screenprints for years
- Eventually I got sorta good at it
- Most animal rights / veg patches are recycled images from a million years ago
- I was all "I think I can do better than that"
- I did!
- When you're doing things DIY, they should be cheap
- My shop name is a joke
- I hope that's clear
- Symbol crash! Story over!

Shop members

Matt Gauck

Owner, Total Genius

I'm some guy who draws and paints a lot. I ride my bike a lot. DIY for life! Corporate ANYTHING can touch my butt!

Shop policies

Last updated on May 9, 2022

I do everything myself! I love reusing and reducing even more than I like recycling! I ride my bike a lot! I sometimes like screenprinting. If your order has a piece of hair stuck in the tape on the back, it's because my beard is super thick and goes crazy sometimes! Count yourself lucky, and sell my dna on ebay for all I care! Who cares let's move on!

Accepted payment methods

Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits

Returns and exchanges

I gladly accept returns and exchanges

Contact me within: 14 days of delivery

Ship items back within: 30 days of delivery

I don't accept cancellations

But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.

The following items can't be returned or exchanged

Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for:

Custom or personalized orders
Perishable products (like food or flowers)
Digital downloads
Intimate items (for health/hygiene reasons)

Questions about your order?

Please if you have any problems with your order.

Returns and exchange details

IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR ORDER that's totally not a big deal. The post office loses letters all the time, and because patches are tiny, it happens. PLEASE get in touch if you do not receive your item in 2 weeks time since it ships, and I will gladly work out something with you. Typically I will resend it free of charge, but the only way I know is if you write me! So you gotta! But don't scam me, that'd be super messed up. Besides, I'll know. I can tell.

Payment

I'm super approachable in real life and strive to do the same over the internet. It's NOT the same, but still. I prefer to be paid in whatever method works for you. If you think you want something then don't, that's totally fine. Email me with ANY problems, seriously, I will respond.

Shipping

I ship everything USPS, typically in white envelopes that are hand stamped with my return address. I try to get the out within about 3-6 days - I usually let etsy take up about 3 days of my week, between reprinting, filling orders, and heat setting. I don't do insurance or confirmation, unless you REALLY REALLY think you want it, which I really don't think you do. These are patches, not priceless works of art.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING about the cost - My goal here is to make ONE DOLLAR on each patch. That's my whole deal (save backpatches, which are bigger obviously). Anyway, the extra cost in shipping goes to cover things like the Etsy fees (there are more than one) and the Paypal percentage taken out of your payment. So if you get an order with just one stamp, and wonder why you paid 2 dollars in shipping, that is why. Hidden fees! They're everywhere! But you can get around those if you are smart. Seriously, just think about it. Let me know if you have questions. I write back to everything.

Additional policies and FAQs

TSHIRT INFORMATION: I switched all the black shirts over to ROYAL APPAREL BRAND shirts, which are organic, and USA made. No sweatshops, no messed up crap that comes with most manufactured things. I'm going to switch the grey ones over to Royal soon, but I gotta sell off the Gildan ones first. I mean, what can I do with 60 blank shirts for myself? Nothing helpful, that's what.

CUSTOM ORDER INFORMATION: I don't do custom orders! UNLESS you want over 50 of the same patch, at which point, yeah, go ahead and email me. I might be interested. MAAAAYBE.

OH OH OH THIS IS IMPORTANT sometimes I go on tour with my bicycle for weeks at a time, or with a band for weeks/months. I leave my shop open, which means you can still order stuff, but it also means you don't get it for awhile. HOWEVER if this is the case, I will do my best to make it VERY clear on the front page of my etsy site. So if you don't see a banner that says "your order won't ship until April of next year" then I'm likely at home. Bonus points if you're the patient type! If you're not, do better! You could be patient too!