retirementfund

One dollar patches forever!

| 185,101 Sales |

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Average review rating is 4.8 or higher

Matt Gauck

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Announcement I’m on Instagram @veganpatches THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL

Announcement

Last updated on Mar 27, 2022

I’m on Instagram @veganpatches THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL

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Featured items

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

$1.00

Bestseller

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh

$1.00

Bestseller

GOODNIGHT WHITE PRIDE patch

$1.00

Bury Me With Books Bookmark SCREENPRINTED by me also drawn by me

$1.00

Bestseller

All Items

Bury Me With Books Bookmark SCREENPRINTED by me also drawn by me

$1.00

19 people have this in their cart

VEGAN black metal PATCH about time I made one of these huh

$1.00

LAYING FIGURE experiences the solitude and nurturing qualities of the natural world PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Prevent forest fires BURN CITIES INSTEAD patch funny environmentally sound

$1.00

13 people have this in their cart

teeny little MEAT IS MURDER metal font patch

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

MEDUSA PATCH its little so dont expect my usual essay on what I drew here and 7000 thoughts on that topic

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

BACK OFF PATCH sure why not use this amusing cartoon cat as an icon for intimidation

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Don't test on animals patch

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

ABOLISH ICE patch they are a mean spirited and unhelpful organization that should irritate the morality gene in everyone

$1.00

13 people have this in their cart

FIGHT ORCS not wars PATCH finally you crass loving dungens and dragns nuts have an image you can stand behind

$1.00

8 people have this in their cart

FRANK the iconic horror icon haha redundant but I dont have a thesaurus within reach so deal with it PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

WILDLIFE patch no zoos no cages let animals go free PATCH vegan animal rights etc etc you get it right

$1.00

8 people have this in their cart

BEGOTTN HORROR PATCH easily the most unpopular item on etsy God Is Dead All Hail Nature

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

FALL BRINGER witch PATCH oooh get it she made the leaves die and turns the clock for us all

$1.00

Bestseller

PEAKS lodge PATCH oooh cryptic and spooky but also cool

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

Holy F wording S word OWLS patch

$1.00

skull with a candle burning PATCH part two I had to redraw it because the first one was messssseddd uppppp

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

BACKPATCH astral snake ooh exciting cuz its like the small one but bigger now

$7.00

14 people have this in their cart

SNAKE astral tarot card PATCH the slithering fate comes down from on high my friends

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

More old growth less economic growth PATCH up the trees down the economy

$1.00

19 people have this in their cart

ROSELADYS BABY reconsider breeding PATCH well now there's an interesting take on population reduction

$1.00

13 people have this in their cart

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

BRAINS zombie PATCH send more cops

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Take nothing leave everything screenprinted patch punk earth first black metal deal with it

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Creature From The dark Lagoo PATCH old school horror is the best horror there is except maybe early 80s slashers what can I say

$1.00

9 people have this in their cart

BORIS as the definitive MoMMY patch old school horror for life aka until death which is what you get when you meet this guy

$1.00

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

NIGHT of the LOVING deed patch the patron saint of zombies and the undead and everything great in the world PATCH

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

DEATH tarot card looking image PATCH ooh so stark and creepy and very Bergman esque

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

skull growing a plant PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

TINAAAAAA if you really loved me youd let me eat your brain living dead PATCH haha best line of all time

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

Z0MBIE PATCH straightforward

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

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Contact shop owner

Matt Gauck

Contact shop owner

Reviews

Average item review

(34273)

See reviews that mention:

Dennis on Sep 28, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

It's a big black bird

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Dennis on Sep 28, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Do you still hear it?

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha
Lee on Sep 28, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Much love on pants already.

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Lauren on Sep 25, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Quality of these patches is always superb.

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me
Greyson on Sep 29, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

perfect as always. 100% my favorite etsy shop.

COMPASSION comes in many forms PATCH animal rights

COMPASSION comes in many forms PATCH animal rights
Green on Sep 29, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

These are honestly the best patches I could get for my stuff, I love them so much

DEFUND THE POLICE patch with options to donate also how exciting

DEFUND THE POLICE patch with options to donate also how exciting
Mar on Sep 29, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

SATANIC GOAT HEAD haha or is it just another vegan patch I made since theres some kale getting nibbled on patch

SATANIC GOAT HEAD haha or is it just another vegan patch I made since theres some kale getting nibbled on patch
Mar on Sep 29, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

skull growing a plant PATCH

skull growing a plant PATCH
Mar on Sep 29, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

COMPASSION comes in many forms PATCH animal rights

COMPASSION comes in many forms PATCH animal rights
Mar on Sep 29, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Gender pronoun PATCH they them

Gender pronoun PATCH they them

About retirementfund

Sales 185,101

On Etsy since 2011

Your orders now come in hand colored envelopes, courtesy of my wonderful partner! Be blown away by her artistic depth!
They just get better and better!

Printing stuff in my bedroom since 1995

Quick story, in blastbeat speed:

- My dad got me a screenprinting kit in 1995
- I messed up screenprints for years
- Eventually I got sorta good at it
- Most animal rights / veg patches are recycled images from a million years ago
- I was all "I think I can do better than that"
- I did!
- When you're doing things DIY, they should be cheap
- My shop name is a joke
- I hope that's clear
- Symbol crash! Story over!

Shop members

Matt Gauck

Owner, Total Genius

I'm some guy who draws and paints a lot. I ride my bike a lot. DIY for life! Corporate ANYTHING can touch my butt!

Shop policies

Last updated on May 9, 2022

I do everything myself! I love reusing and reducing even more than I like recycling! I ride my bike a lot! I sometimes like screenprinting. If your order has a piece of hair stuck in the tape on the back, it's because my beard is super thick and goes crazy sometimes! Count yourself lucky, and sell my dna on ebay for all I care! Who cares let's move on!

Accepted payment methods

Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits

Returns and exchanges

I gladly accept returns and exchanges

Contact me within: 14 days of delivery

Ship items back within: 30 days of delivery

I don't accept cancellations

But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.

The following items can't be returned or exchanged

Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for:

Custom or personalized orders
Perishable products (like food or flowers)
Digital downloads
Intimate items (for health/hygiene reasons)

Questions about your order?

Please if you have any problems with your order.

Returns and exchange details

IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR ORDER that's totally not a big deal. The post office loses letters all the time, and because patches are tiny, it happens. PLEASE get in touch if you do not receive your item in 2 weeks time since it ships, and I will gladly work out something with you. Typically I will resend it free of charge, but the only way I know is if you write me! So you gotta! But don't scam me, that'd be super messed up. Besides, I'll know. I can tell.

Payment

I'm super approachable in real life and strive to do the same over the internet. It's NOT the same, but still. I prefer to be paid in whatever method works for you. If you think you want something then don't, that's totally fine. Email me with ANY problems, seriously, I will respond.

Shipping

I ship everything USPS, typically in white envelopes that are hand stamped with my return address. I try to get the out within about 3-6 days - I usually let etsy take up about 3 days of my week, between reprinting, filling orders, and heat setting. I don't do insurance or confirmation, unless you REALLY REALLY think you want it, which I really don't think you do. These are patches, not priceless works of art.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING about the cost - My goal here is to make ONE DOLLAR on each patch. That's my whole deal (save backpatches, which are bigger obviously). Anyway, the extra cost in shipping goes to cover things like the Etsy fees (there are more than one) and the Paypal percentage taken out of your payment. So if you get an order with just one stamp, and wonder why you paid 2 dollars in shipping, that is why. Hidden fees! They're everywhere! But you can get around those if you are smart. Seriously, just think about it. Let me know if you have questions. I write back to everything.

Additional policies and FAQs

TSHIRT INFORMATION: I switched all the black shirts over to ROYAL APPAREL BRAND shirts, which are organic, and USA made. No sweatshops, no messed up crap that comes with most manufactured things. I'm going to switch the grey ones over to Royal soon, but I gotta sell off the Gildan ones first. I mean, what can I do with 60 blank shirts for myself? Nothing helpful, that's what.

CUSTOM ORDER INFORMATION: I don't do custom orders! UNLESS you want over 50 of the same patch, at which point, yeah, go ahead and email me. I might be interested. MAAAAYBE.

OH OH OH THIS IS IMPORTANT sometimes I go on tour with my bicycle for weeks at a time, or with a band for weeks/months. I leave my shop open, which means you can still order stuff, but it also means you don't get it for awhile. HOWEVER if this is the case, I will do my best to make it VERY clear on the front page of my etsy site. So if you don't see a banner that says "your order won't ship until April of next year" then I'm likely at home. Bonus points if you're the patient type! If you're not, do better! You could be patient too!