retirementfund

One dollar patches forever!

| 179,605 Sales |

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Average review rating is 4.8 or higher

Matt Gauck

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Announcement I’m on Instagram @veganpatches THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL

Announcement

Last updated on Mar 27, 2022

I’m on Instagram @veganpatches THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL

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Featured items

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

$1.00

Bestseller

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh

$1.00

Bestseller

GOODNIGHT WHITE PRIDE patch

$1.00

Bury Me With Books Bookmark SCREENPRINTED by me also drawn by me

$1.00

Bestseller

All Items

Roseladys Baby GOD is DEAD all hail satan patch HORROR and so silly hahaha

$1.00

8 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH witch lovers and ballet dancers unite

$1.00

HORROR PATCH Angela from Sleepy Camp anti gender roles patch sexism sucks its 2016 get with the program people

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

PEAKS lodge PATCH oooh cryptic and spooky but also cool

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

FEMINIST black metal PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

vaya SIN dios PATCH take that statues of JC everywhere

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

CUTE PATCH lets go camping

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH mashup Herbert goes to college

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

ANTIFA PATCH screenprinted and sadly extremely appropriate here in 2017

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

ABOLISH ICE patch they are a mean spirited and unhelpful organization that should irritate the morality gene in everyone

$1.00

BACKPATCH Giant lizard squashing humanity because we deserve it PATCH

$7.00

12 people have this in their cart

SAINT FRED patron saint of NIGHTMARES patch

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

HORROR love livee the new flesh PATCH debie harry scene

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH pretty straightforward not very creative they can't all be winners can they

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Creature From The dark Lagoo PATCH old school horror is the best horror there is except maybe early 80s slashers what can I say

$1.00

20 people have this in their cart

NOSFEARAT YOU PATCH the king of old school horror this movie is so freaking good and so freaking old also

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Len Cheney as THE WOOFMAN patch old school horror fans unite

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

HUNTING for sport is fudgin STUPID PATCH pretty on the nose but well you gotta be sometimes

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

WITCH BACKPATCH number two the moon mover PATCH

$5.00

11 people have this in their cart

ANARCHIST patch pretty type A is the first letter of the alphabet also

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

FOLK ART cop car on fire PATCH this was my favorite thing I drew in the last couple weeks so I hope you feel the same way

$1.00

14 people have this in their cart

MOON GUILLOTINE PATCH ahhh a real thinker this one

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

SAINT ASHthe patron saint of chainsaws shotguns and shopping s mart PATCH

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

More old growth less economic growth PATCH up the trees down the economy

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

The Earth is Not Dying Patch screenprinted Utah Phillips

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

PRISON ABOLITION I heart it and so do you PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

NEVER AGAIN PATCH keep abortion safe and legal it's 2018 how does anyone see this as new information

$1.00

20 people have this in their cart

HUNT MUSHROOMS not animals PATCH

$1.00

16 people have this in their cart

ANGELA DAVIS quote in patch form PATCH

$1.00

11 people have this in their cart

BACKPATCH cauldron witch screenprint and witchy and whatever else I should write here to get your attention

$7.00

6 people have this in their cart

CRUCIFIX PATCH but oh oh oh he's dead and upside down you know what that means

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

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Contact shop owner

Matt Gauck

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Reviews

Average item review

(32598)

See reviews that mention:

Moriah on Aug 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

I love this seller & his patches. Thank you so much. They’re perfect

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh
Eve on Aug 8, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

My favourite patch on my jacket rn, super cool man

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it
Eve on Aug 8, 2022

4 out of 5 stars

small and so rad man

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh
Andrew on Aug 7, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

These prints are awesome!

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing
Kevin on Aug 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Nice print quality. Well sized image.

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha
Kevin on Aug 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Nice print quality. Well sized image.

attention all dudes everywhere do NOT TOUCH ME patch

attention all dudes everywhere do NOT TOUCH ME patch
Kevin on Aug 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Nice print quality. Well sized image.

skull growing a plant PATCH

skull growing a plant PATCH
Kevin on Aug 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Nice print quality. Well sized image.

BIRD WITCH aka the raven maven or maybe the old crow PATCH its clear I'm bad at naming but ok at drawing haha

BIRD WITCH aka the raven maven or maybe the old crow PATCH its clear I'm bad at naming but ok at drawing haha
Kevin on Aug 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Nice print quality. Well sized image.

skull with a candle burning PATCH part two I had to redraw it because the first one was messssseddd uppppp

skull with a candle burning PATCH part two I had to redraw it because the first one was messssseddd uppppp
Kevin on Aug 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Nice print quality. Well sized image.

SATANIC GOAT HEAD haha or is it just another vegan patch I made since theres some kale getting nibbled on patch

SATANIC GOAT HEAD haha or is it just another vegan patch I made since theres some kale getting nibbled on patch

About retirementfund

Sales 179,605

On Etsy since 2011

Your orders now come in hand colored envelopes, courtesy of my wonderful partner! Be blown away by her artistic depth!
They just get better and better!

Printing stuff in my bedroom since 1995

Quick story, in blastbeat speed:

- My dad got me a screenprinting kit in 1995
- I messed up screenprints for years
- Eventually I got sorta good at it
- Most animal rights / veg patches are recycled images from a million years ago
- I was all "I think I can do better than that"
- I did!
- When you're doing things DIY, they should be cheap
- My shop name is a joke
- I hope that's clear
- Symbol crash! Story over!

Shop members

Matt Gauck

Owner, Total Genius

I'm some guy who draws and paints a lot. I ride my bike a lot. DIY for life! Corporate ANYTHING can touch my butt!

Shop policies

Last updated on May 9, 2022

I do everything myself! I love reusing and reducing even more than I like recycling! I ride my bike a lot! I sometimes like screenprinting. If your order has a piece of hair stuck in the tape on the back, it's because my beard is super thick and goes crazy sometimes! Count yourself lucky, and sell my dna on ebay for all I care! Who cares let's move on!

Accepted payment methods

Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits

Returns and exchanges

I gladly accept returns and exchanges

Contact me within: 14 days of delivery

Ship items back within: 30 days of delivery

I don't accept cancellations

But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.

The following items can't be returned or exchanged

Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for:

Custom or personalized orders
Perishable products (like food or flowers)
Digital downloads
Intimate items (for health/hygiene reasons)

Questions about your order?

Please if you have any problems with your order.

Returns and exchange details

IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR ORDER that's totally not a big deal. The post office loses letters all the time, and because patches are tiny, it happens. PLEASE get in touch if you do not receive your item in 2 weeks time since it ships, and I will gladly work out something with you. Typically I will resend it free of charge, but the only way I know is if you write me! So you gotta! But don't scam me, that'd be super messed up. Besides, I'll know. I can tell.

Payment

I'm super approachable in real life and strive to do the same over the internet. It's NOT the same, but still. I prefer to be paid in whatever method works for you. If you think you want something then don't, that's totally fine. Email me with ANY problems, seriously, I will respond.

Shipping

I ship everything USPS, typically in white envelopes that are hand stamped with my return address. I try to get the out within about 3-6 days - I usually let etsy take up about 3 days of my week, between reprinting, filling orders, and heat setting. I don't do insurance or confirmation, unless you REALLY REALLY think you want it, which I really don't think you do. These are patches, not priceless works of art.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING about the cost - My goal here is to make ONE DOLLAR on each patch. That's my whole deal (save backpatches, which are bigger obviously). Anyway, the extra cost in shipping goes to cover things like the Etsy fees (there are more than one) and the Paypal percentage taken out of your payment. So if you get an order with just one stamp, and wonder why you paid 2 dollars in shipping, that is why. Hidden fees! They're everywhere! But you can get around those if you are smart. Seriously, just think about it. Let me know if you have questions. I write back to everything.

Additional policies and FAQs

TSHIRT INFORMATION: I switched all the black shirts over to ROYAL APPAREL BRAND shirts, which are organic, and USA made. No sweatshops, no messed up crap that comes with most manufactured things. I'm going to switch the grey ones over to Royal soon, but I gotta sell off the Gildan ones first. I mean, what can I do with 60 blank shirts for myself? Nothing helpful, that's what.

CUSTOM ORDER INFORMATION: I don't do custom orders! UNLESS you want over 50 of the same patch, at which point, yeah, go ahead and email me. I might be interested. MAAAAYBE.

OH OH OH THIS IS IMPORTANT sometimes I go on tour with my bicycle for weeks at a time, or with a band for weeks/months. I leave my shop open, which means you can still order stuff, but it also means you don't get it for awhile. HOWEVER if this is the case, I will do my best to make it VERY clear on the front page of my etsy site. So if you don't see a banner that says "your order won't ship until April of next year" then I'm likely at home. Bonus points if you're the patient type! If you're not, do better! You could be patient too!