retirementfund

One dollar patches forever!

| 175,107 Sales |

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Average review rating is 4.8 or higher

Matt Gauck

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Announcement I’m on Instagram @veganpatches THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL

Announcement

Last updated on Mar 27, 2022

I’m on Instagram @veganpatches THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL

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Featured items

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

$1.00

Bestseller

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh

$1.00

Bestseller

GOODNIGHT WHITE PRIDE patch

$1.00

Bury Me With Books Bookmark SCREENPRINTED by me also drawn by me

$1.00

Bestseller

All Items

ROSELADYS BABY reconsider breeding PATCH well now there's an interesting take on population reduction

$1.00

18 people have this in their cart

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

WITCH starthrower PATCH small version

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

CUTE PATCH lets go camping

$1.00

Take nothing leave everything screenprinted patch punk earth first black metal deal with it

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

LAYING FIGURE experiences the solitude and nurturing qualities of the natural world PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

SNAKE astral tarot card PATCH the slithering fate comes down from on high my friends

$1.00

18 people have this in their cart

RAINBRINGER witch PATCH mother nature created us all here's proof

$1.00

19 people have this in their cart

Support your local girl gang PATCH super feminist super brutal super DEAL WITH it

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Mother Nature black metal BACK PATCH huge punk diy vegan pro tree anti human

$7.00

4 people have this in their cart

HORROR EXPLOITATION PATCH hardline feminist unwanted castration

$1.00

13 people have this in their cart

BRAINS zombie PATCH send more cops

$1.00

12 people have this in their cart

TRANS IS BEAUTIFUL patch support human beings not dated morality issues tradition invented years ago

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

FRIENDS NOT FOOD patch chickens are nice not nice to eat

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

BACK OFF PATCH sure why not use this amusing cartoon cat as an icon for intimidation

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

INJUSTICE LARGE PATCH theres a bunch of words here so just look at the image

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

NEVER AGAIN PATCH keep abortion safe and legal it's 2018 how does anyone see this as new information

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

ABOLISH ICE patch they are a mean spirited and unhelpful organization that should irritate the morality gene in everyone

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

GROW FOOD PATCH so cute but also so good an idea

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

DESTROY the PATRIARCHY not the planet I mean you gotta destroy something right PATCH

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

POWERVIOLENCE NOT SEXUALVIOLENCE look at that I just solved a major social problem in four words

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

SAVE THE EARTH patch bankrupt a corporation who are we kidding thinking recycling is helping enough to make a difference

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Support your pals, not corporations PATCH

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

BLASTBEATS NOT PROFITS patch at long last a message so alienating adults will give up on the youth completely

$1.00

HUNTING for sport is fudgin STUPID PATCH pretty on the nose but well you gotta be sometimes

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Windmills not Puppy Mills vegan vegetarian PATCH

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

Fur is for animals Patch

$1.00

FOLK ART cop car on fire PATCH this was my favorite thing I drew in the last couple weeks so I hope you feel the same way

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH wizzard vid logo VHS pride

$1.00

8 people have this in their cart

END MONOCULTURE patch corn is great and all but lets not destroy the earth over it come on people

$1.00

16 people have this in their cart

less SNITCHING more STITCHING screenprinted patch

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

CRYSTAL SKULL with a cute bird buddy that is either a raven or a crow I always forget which is witch whoooaa PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Next Stop Adventure Zine issue 1 bike touring travel zine

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

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Contact shop owner

Matt Gauck

Contact shop owner

Reviews

Average item review

(31472)

See reviews that mention:

Breanna on Jul 1, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

I had more made last minute and he went above and beyond. Super appreciative!

NEVER AGAIN PATCH keep abortion safe and legal it's 2018 how does anyone see this as new information

NEVER AGAIN PATCH keep abortion safe and legal it's 2018 how does anyone see this as new information
rkstancil23 on Jul 1, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

It's right at home on the back of my vest

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it
Noël on Jul 1, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Awesome, thank you so much!

NEVER AGAIN PATCH keep abortion safe and legal it's 2018 how does anyone see this as new information

NEVER AGAIN PATCH keep abortion safe and legal it's 2018 how does anyone see this as new information
Graham on Jun 30, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Love it! beautiful print and good quality fabric and ink :)

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha
Jasmine on Jun 30, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Great quality patches, love them!!

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here
Molly on Jun 29, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

This made a great gift.

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Alex on Jun 26, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

a nice big size, love it

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Morgan Bee on Jun 23, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Item was as great, exactly what I wanted

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here
rkstancil23 on Jul 1, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

It looks great stitched onto my vest.

DEATH tarot card looking image PATCH ooh so stark and creepy and very Bergman esque

DEATH tarot card looking image PATCH ooh so stark and creepy and very Bergman esque
Nathan on Jul 1, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Definitely one of the coolest patches I own. Bubba will forever remain on my crust pants. <3

CHAINSAW SAINT BACKPATCH well sorta I mean its big but not like huge huge

CHAINSAW SAINT BACKPATCH well sorta I mean its big but not like huge huge

About retirementfund

Sales 175,107

On Etsy since 2011

Your orders now come in hand colored envelopes, courtesy of my wonderful partner! Be blown away by her artistic depth!
They just get better and better!

Printing stuff in my bedroom since 1995

Quick story, in blastbeat speed:

- My dad got me a screenprinting kit in 1995
- I messed up screenprints for years
- Eventually I got sorta good at it
- Most animal rights / veg patches are recycled images from a million years ago
- I was all "I think I can do better than that"
- I did!
- When you're doing things DIY, they should be cheap
- My shop name is a joke
- I hope that's clear
- Symbol crash! Story over!

Shop members

Matt Gauck

Owner, Total Genius

I'm some guy who draws and paints a lot. I ride my bike a lot. DIY for life! Corporate ANYTHING can touch my butt!

Shop policies

Last updated on May 9, 2022

I do everything myself! I love reusing and reducing even more than I like recycling! I ride my bike a lot! I sometimes like screenprinting. If your order has a piece of hair stuck in the tape on the back, it's because my beard is super thick and goes crazy sometimes! Count yourself lucky, and sell my dna on ebay for all I care! Who cares let's move on!

Accepted payment methods

Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits

Returns and exchanges

I gladly accept returns and exchanges

Contact me within: 14 days of delivery

Ship items back within: 30 days of delivery

I don't accept cancellations

But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.

The following items can't be returned or exchanged

Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for:

Custom or personalized orders
Perishable products (like food or flowers)
Digital downloads
Intimate items (for health/hygiene reasons)

Questions about your order?

Please if you have any problems with your order.

Returns and exchange details

IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR ORDER that's totally not a big deal. The post office loses letters all the time, and because patches are tiny, it happens. PLEASE get in touch if you do not receive your item in 2 weeks time since it ships, and I will gladly work out something with you. Typically I will resend it free of charge, but the only way I know is if you write me! So you gotta! But don't scam me, that'd be super messed up. Besides, I'll know. I can tell.

Payment

I'm super approachable in real life and strive to do the same over the internet. It's NOT the same, but still. I prefer to be paid in whatever method works for you. If you think you want something then don't, that's totally fine. Email me with ANY problems, seriously, I will respond.

Shipping

I ship everything USPS, typically in white envelopes that are hand stamped with my return address. I try to get the out within about 3-6 days - I usually let etsy take up about 3 days of my week, between reprinting, filling orders, and heat setting. I don't do insurance or confirmation, unless you REALLY REALLY think you want it, which I really don't think you do. These are patches, not priceless works of art.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING about the cost - My goal here is to make ONE DOLLAR on each patch. That's my whole deal (save backpatches, which are bigger obviously). Anyway, the extra cost in shipping goes to cover things like the Etsy fees (there are more than one) and the Paypal percentage taken out of your payment. So if you get an order with just one stamp, and wonder why you paid 2 dollars in shipping, that is why. Hidden fees! They're everywhere! But you can get around those if you are smart. Seriously, just think about it. Let me know if you have questions. I write back to everything.

Additional policies and FAQs

TSHIRT INFORMATION: I switched all the black shirts over to ROYAL APPAREL BRAND shirts, which are organic, and USA made. No sweatshops, no messed up crap that comes with most manufactured things. I'm going to switch the grey ones over to Royal soon, but I gotta sell off the Gildan ones first. I mean, what can I do with 60 blank shirts for myself? Nothing helpful, that's what.

CUSTOM ORDER INFORMATION: I don't do custom orders! UNLESS you want over 50 of the same patch, at which point, yeah, go ahead and email me. I might be interested. MAAAAYBE.

OH OH OH THIS IS IMPORTANT sometimes I go on tour with my bicycle for weeks at a time, or with a band for weeks/months. I leave my shop open, which means you can still order stuff, but it also means you don't get it for awhile. HOWEVER if this is the case, I will do my best to make it VERY clear on the front page of my etsy site. So if you don't see a banner that says "your order won't ship until April of next year" then I'm likely at home. Bonus points if you're the patient type! If you're not, do better! You could be patient too!