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retirementfund

One dollar patches forever!

| 175,511 Sales | 5 out of 5 stars 5 out of 5 stars

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Average review rating is 4.8 or higher

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Announcement    I’m on Instagram @veganpatches THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL

Announcement

Last updated on Mar 27, 2022

I’m on Instagram @veganpatches THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL

Items

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175511 Sales
25995 Admirers

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BRAINS zombie PATCH send more cops

BRAINS zombie PATCH send more cops

$1.00

16 people have this in their cart

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

RESEEDING WITCH reseeding the woods PATCH oh and theres a severed head in there too

RESEEDING WITCH reseeding the woods PATCH oh and theres a severed head in there too

$1.00

14 people have this in their cart

HORROR love livee the new flesh PATCH debie harry scene

HORROR love livee the new flesh PATCH debie harry scene

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

More old growth less economic growth PATCH up the trees down the economy

More old growth less economic growth PATCH up the trees down the economy

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

LAYING FIGURE experiences the solitude and nurturing qualities of the natural world PATCH

LAYING FIGURE experiences the solitude and nurturing qualities of the natural world PATCH

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Police Accountability NOW patch

Police Accountability NOW patch

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

BEGOTTN HORROR PATCH easily the most unpopular item on etsy God Is Dead All Hail Nature

BEGOTTN HORROR PATCH easily the most unpopular item on etsy God Is Dead All Hail Nature

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

FALL BRINGER witch PATCH oooh get it she made the leaves die and turns the clock for us all

FALL BRINGER witch PATCH oooh get it she made the leaves die and turns the clock for us all

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

GET LOST PUG patch so cute so fun so appropriate

GET LOST PUG patch so cute so fun so appropriate

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

BACK OFF PATCH sure why not use this amusing cartoon cat as an icon for intimidation

BACK OFF PATCH sure why not use this amusing cartoon cat as an icon for intimidation

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

Net worthk Movie MAD AS HELL patch

Net worthk Movie MAD AS HELL patch

$1.00

14 people have this in their cart

WITCH moon phase mover PATCH small one

WITCH moon phase mover PATCH small one

$1.00

Bestseller

ADOPT and RESCUE lots of animals PATCH super cute i mean look at that pig right

ADOPT and RESCUE lots of animals PATCH super cute i mean look at that pig right

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

ICEBERG says goodbye PATCH

ICEBERG says goodbye PATCH

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

IMMIGRATION is a human right PATCH

IMMIGRATION is a human right PATCH

$1.00

12 people have this in their cart

SNAKE astral tarot card PATCH the slithering fate comes down from on high my friends

SNAKE astral tarot card PATCH the slithering fate comes down from on high my friends

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

HORROR EXPLOITATION PATCH hardline feminist unwanted castration

HORROR EXPLOITATION PATCH hardline feminist unwanted castration

$1.00

20 people have this in their cart

ANIMAL LIBERATION PATCH straightforward but with elephant punk patch

ANIMAL LIBERATION PATCH straightforward but with elephant punk patch

$1.00

DESTROY the PATRIARCHY not the planet I mean you gotta destroy something right PATCH

DESTROY the PATRIARCHY not the planet I mean you gotta destroy something right PATCH

$1.00

13 people have this in their cart

SUPPORT survivors of sexual assault PATCH

SUPPORT survivors of sexual assault PATCH

$1.00

19 people have this in their cart

ECLIPSE over a SKELETON on a PATCH haha this was a blast to write out

ECLIPSE over a SKELETON on a PATCH haha this was a blast to write out

$1.00

20 people have this in their cart

Heart Everywhere Screenprinted Patch

Heart Everywhere Screenprinted Patch

$1.00

skull with a candle burning PATCH part two I had to redraw it because the first one was messssseddd uppppp

skull with a candle burning PATCH part two I had to redraw it because the first one was messssseddd uppppp

$1.00

15 people have this in their cart

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

$1.00

Bestseller

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

$1.00

12 people have this in their cart

DEATH tarot card looking image PATCH ooh so stark and creepy and very Bergman esque

DEATH tarot card looking image PATCH ooh so stark and creepy and very Bergman esque

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

HAIL SCIENCE PATCH that means religion must be getting real burned right now

HAIL SCIENCE PATCH that means religion must be getting real burned right now

$1.00

14 people have this in their cart

SATANIC GOAT HEAD haha or is it just another vegan patch I made since theres some kale getting nibbled on patch

SATANIC GOAT HEAD haha or is it just another vegan patch I made since theres some kale getting nibbled on patch

$1.00

8 people have this in their cart

Holy F wording S word OWLS patch

Holy F wording S word OWLS patch

$1.00

8 people have this in their cart

BIRD WITCH aka the raven maven or maybe the old crow PATCH its clear I'm bad at naming but ok at drawing haha

BIRD WITCH aka the raven maven or maybe the old crow PATCH its clear I'm bad at naming but ok at drawing haha

$1.00

11 people have this in their cart

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

SAVE THE EARTH patch bankrupt a corporation who are we kidding thinking recycling is helping enough to make a difference

SAVE THE EARTH patch bankrupt a corporation who are we kidding thinking recycling is helping enough to make a difference

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

MOON GODDESS tarot card PATCH whoa its mother nature and she's a witch cooooooool

MOON GODDESS tarot card PATCH whoa its mother nature and she's a witch cooooooool

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH witch lovers and ballet dancers unite

HORROR PATCH witch lovers and ballet dancers unite

$1.00

9 people have this in their cart

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Matt Gauck

Contact shop owner

Matt Gauck

Reviews

Average item review
5 out of 5 stars
(31524)
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About retirementfund

Sales 175,511
On Etsy since 2011
  • Your orders now come in hand colored envelopes, courtesy of my wonderful partner! Be blown away by her artistic depth!
  • They just get better and better!

Printing stuff in my bedroom since 1995

Quick story, in blastbeat speed:

- My dad got me a screenprinting kit in 1995
- I messed up screenprints for years
- Eventually I got sorta good at it
- Most animal rights / veg patches are recycled images from a million years ago
- I was all "I think I can do better than that"
- I did!
- When you're doing things DIY, they should be cheap
- My shop name is a joke
- I hope that's clear
- Symbol crash! Story over!

Shop members

  • Matt Gauck

    Owner, Total Genius

    I'm some guy who draws and paints a lot. I ride my bike a lot. DIY for life! Corporate ANYTHING can touch my butt!

Shop policies

Last updated on May 9, 2022
I do everything myself! I love reusing and reducing even more than I like recycling! I ride my bike a lot! I sometimes like screenprinting. If your order has a piece of hair stuck in the tape on the back, it's because my beard is super thick and goes crazy sometimes! Count yourself lucky, and sell my dna on ebay for all I care! Who cares let's move on!

Accepted payment methods

Paypal Visa Mastercard American Express Discover Apple Pay Klarna Giftcard
Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits
Returns and exchanges
I gladly accept returns and exchanges
Contact me within: 14 days of delivery
Ship items back within: 30 days of delivery
I don't accept cancellations
But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.
The following items can't be returned or exchanged
Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for:
  • Custom or personalized orders
  • Perishable products (like food or flowers)
  • Digital downloads
  • Intimate items (for health/hygiene reasons)
Returns and exchange details
IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR ORDER that's totally not a big deal. The post office loses letters all the time, and because patches are tiny, it happens. PLEASE get in touch if you do not receive your item in 2 weeks time since it ships, and I will gladly work out something with you. Typically I will resend it free of charge, but the only way I know is if you write me! So you gotta! But don't scam me, that'd be super messed up. Besides, I'll know. I can tell.
Payment
I'm super approachable in real life and strive to do the same over the internet. It's NOT the same, but still. I prefer to be paid in whatever method works for you. If you think you want something then don't, that's totally fine. Email me with ANY problems, seriously, I will respond.
Shipping
I ship everything USPS, typically in white envelopes that are hand stamped with my return address. I try to get the out within about 3-6 days - I usually let etsy take up about 3 days of my week, between reprinting, filling orders, and heat setting. I don't do insurance or confirmation, unless you REALLY REALLY think you want it, which I really don't think you do. These are patches, not priceless works of art.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING about the cost - My goal here is to make ONE DOLLAR on each patch. That's my whole deal (save backpatches, which are bigger obviously). Anyway, the extra cost in shipping goes to cover things like the Etsy fees (there are more than one) and the Paypal percentage taken out of your payment. So if you get an order with just one stamp, and wonder why you paid 2 dollars in shipping, that is why. Hidden fees! They're everywhere! But you can get around those if you are smart. Seriously, just think about it. Let me know if you have questions. I write back to everything.
Additional policies and FAQs
TSHIRT INFORMATION: I switched all the black shirts over to ROYAL APPAREL BRAND shirts, which are organic, and USA made. No sweatshops, no messed up crap that comes with most manufactured things. I'm going to switch the grey ones over to Royal soon, but I gotta sell off the Gildan ones first. I mean, what can I do with 60 blank shirts for myself? Nothing helpful, that's what.

CUSTOM ORDER INFORMATION: I don't do custom orders! UNLESS you want over 50 of the same patch, at which point, yeah, go ahead and email me. I might be interested. MAAAAYBE.

OH OH OH THIS IS IMPORTANT sometimes I go on tour with my bicycle for weeks at a time, or with a band for weeks/months. I leave my shop open, which means you can still order stuff, but it also means you don't get it for awhile. HOWEVER if this is the case, I will do my best to make it VERY clear on the front page of my etsy site. So if you don't see a banner that says "your order won't ship until April of next year" then I'm likely at home. Bonus points if you're the patient type! If you're not, do better! You could be patient too!