retirementfund

One dollar patches forever!

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Average review rating is 4.8 or higher

Matt Gauck

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Announcement IF YOU WANT THIS FOR CHRISTMAS ORDER BY THE END OF DEC 15TH or else you won't see it for like two weeks after that. I'm taking off Dec 16th - Dec...27th? Maybe? I'm not sure. BUT YOU GET THE POINT! thank you <3

Announcement

Last updated on Dec 5, 2022

IF YOU WANT THIS FOR CHRISTMAS ORDER BY THE END OF DEC 15TH or else you won't see it for like two weeks after that. I'm taking off Dec 16th - Dec...27th? Maybe? I'm not sure. BUT YOU GET THE POINT! thank you <3

Items

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Featured items

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

$1.00

Bestseller

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh

$1.00

Bestseller

GOODNIGHT WHITE PRIDE patch

$1.00

Bury Me With Books Bookmark SCREENPRINTED by me also drawn by me

$1.00

Bestseller

All Items

HE / THEY pronoun patch

$1.00

BACKPATCH Giant lizard squashing humanity because we deserve it PATCH

$7.00

5 people have this in their cart

GIANT LIZARD pro environment patch

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

CRUCIFIX PATCH but oh oh oh he's dead and upside down you know what that means

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

ABORT THE COURT patch with this funky little devil tootin on her horn

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

IMMIGRATION is a human right PATCH

$1.00

ANARCHIST seven seel PATCH dance like there is no god

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

all 5 next stop adventure zines for 7 dollars over 200 pages of bike touring madness

$7.00

Nature Rules Patch

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

Support your local girl gang patch take THAT you stupid mansplaining dumb dumbs

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

ABOLISH ICE patch they are a mean spirited and unhelpful organization that should irritate the morality gene in everyone

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

$1.00

15 people have this in their cart

MOON GODDESS tarot card PATCH whoa its mother nature and she's a witch cooooooool

$1.00

11 people have this in their cart

WITCH moon phase mover PATCH small one

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

END MONOCULTURE patch corn is great and all but lets not destroy the earth over it come on people

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

Take nothing leave everything screenprinted patch punk earth first black metal deal with it

$1.00

14 people have this in their cart

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic fore lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

$1.00

19 people have this in their cart

HORROR EXPLOITATION PATCH hardline feminist unwanted castration

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

ROSELADYS BABY reconsider breeding PATCH well now there's an interesting take on population reduction

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH too gory for the silver screen WIZARD video vhs pride

$1.00

ACAB anti capitalism anti bigotry PATCH

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

BACKPATCH cauldron witch screenprint and witchy and whatever else I should write here to get your attention

$7.00

3 people have this in their cart

the best in feminine protection GUN in your FACE PATCH

$1.00

Bill Ayers Quote Patch political, punk, and always appropriate

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

WITCH BACKPATCH the star thrower aka the witch of the summer solstice

$5.00

15 people have this in their cart

HUNT MUSHROOMS not animals PATCH

$1.00

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

$1.00

12 people have this in their cart

skull growing a plant PATCH

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

BACKPATCH astral snake ooh exciting cuz its like the small one but bigger now

$7.00

7 people have this in their cart

COPCAR flipped over and a tree growing out PATCH

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

$1.00

9 people have this in their cart

FRANK the iconic horror icon haha redundant but I dont have a thesaurus within reach so deal with it PATCH

$1.00

9 people have this in their cart

SATANIC GOAT HEAD haha or is it just another vegan patch I made since theres some kale getting nibbled on patch

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it

$1.00

20 people have this in their cart

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Contact shop owner

Matt Gauck

Reviews

Average item review

(36449)

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Marlowe on Dec 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

quality just as pictured - a lovely new addition to my jacket

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic four lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing
jackrabbit on Dec 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

High quality patch, looked just like the picture. Would buy from again.

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here
Clay on Dec 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Good printing cute little guy perfect size and exactly what I wanted!

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here
Gauge on Dec 7, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Incredible patch and some of the best designs out there

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it
Oli on Dec 7, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

My fourth time ordering a bunch of patches from this shop. Fantastic as always. My fav patch shop <3

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Vincent on Dec 6, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

I was kind of surprised about how big it was, so make sure you check the description because I did not. I will just find something else to put it on! Also, I showed it to my mom and she asked me what it means. Homie, it's just a bird. Good print.

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Marlowe on Dec 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

a lovely patch and a lovely message - great quality!

attention all dudes everywhere do NOT TOUCH ME patch

attention all dudes everywhere do NOT TOUCH ME patch
Ashleigh on Dec 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Absolutely love the patch, can't wait to attach it to my vest. The patch was as advertised, more than met my expectations, and I will be buying again from this artist.

Bill Ayers Quote Patch political, punk, and always appropriate

Bill Ayers Quote Patch political, punk, and always appropriate
Roury on Dec 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

I've purchased a lot of patches from this shop, and as always they're fantastic.

WITCH super dark mother nature PATCH shes a witch looking lady bet you didnt know that

WITCH super dark mother nature PATCH shes a witch looking lady bet you didnt know that
Holden on Dec 9, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Nice material and print quality as always from this shop! Please with the addition to my jacket, cheers!!

DEATH tarot card looking image PATCH ooh so stark and creepy and very Bergman esque

DEATH tarot card looking image PATCH ooh so stark and creepy and very Bergman esque

About retirementfund

Sales 193,182

On Etsy since 2011

Your orders now come in hand colored envelopes, courtesy of my wonderful partner! Be blown away by her artistic depth!
They just get better and better!

Printing stuff in my bedroom since 1995

Quick story, in blastbeat speed:

- My dad got me a screenprinting kit in 1995
- I messed up screenprints for years
- Eventually I got sorta good at it
- Most animal rights / veg patches are recycled images from a million years ago
- I was all "I think I can do better than that"
- I did!
- When you're doing things DIY, they should be cheap
- My shop name is a joke
- I hope that's clear
- Symbol crash! Story over!

Shop members

Matt Gauck

Owner, Total Genius

I'm some guy who draws and paints a lot. I ride my bike a lot. DIY for life! Corporate ANYTHING can touch my butt!

Shop policies

Last updated on May 9, 2022

I do everything myself! I love reusing and reducing even more than I like recycling! I ride my bike a lot! I sometimes like screenprinting. If your order has a piece of hair stuck in the tape on the back, it's because my beard is super thick and goes crazy sometimes! Count yourself lucky, and sell my dna on ebay for all I care! Who cares let's move on!

Accepted payment methods

Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits

Returns & exchanges

See item details for return and exchange eligibility.

Cancellations

Cancellations: not accepted

Please contact the seller if you have any problems with your order.

Payment

I'm super approachable in real life and strive to do the same over the internet. It's NOT the same, but still. I prefer to be paid in whatever method works for you. If you think you want something then don't, that's totally fine. Email me with ANY problems, seriously, I will respond.

Shipping

I ship everything USPS, typically in white envelopes that are hand stamped with my return address. I try to get the out within about 3-6 days - I usually let etsy take up about 3 days of my week, between reprinting, filling orders, and heat setting. I don't do insurance or confirmation, unless you REALLY REALLY think you want it, which I really don't think you do. These are patches, not priceless works of art.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING about the cost - My goal here is to make ONE DOLLAR on each patch. That's my whole deal (save backpatches, which are bigger obviously). Anyway, the extra cost in shipping goes to cover things like the Etsy fees (there are more than one) and the Paypal percentage taken out of your payment. So if you get an order with just one stamp, and wonder why you paid 2 dollars in shipping, that is why. Hidden fees! They're everywhere! But you can get around those if you are smart. Seriously, just think about it. Let me know if you have questions. I write back to everything.

Additional policies and FAQs

TSHIRT INFORMATION: I switched all the black shirts over to ROYAL APPAREL BRAND shirts, which are organic, and USA made. No sweatshops, no messed up crap that comes with most manufactured things. I'm going to switch the grey ones over to Royal soon, but I gotta sell off the Gildan ones first. I mean, what can I do with 60 blank shirts for myself? Nothing helpful, that's what.

CUSTOM ORDER INFORMATION: I don't do custom orders! UNLESS you want over 50 of the same patch, at which point, yeah, go ahead and email me. I might be interested. MAAAAYBE.

OH OH OH THIS IS IMPORTANT sometimes I go on tour with my bicycle for weeks at a time, or with a band for weeks/months. I leave my shop open, which means you can still order stuff, but it also means you don't get it for awhile. HOWEVER if this is the case, I will do my best to make it VERY clear on the front page of my etsy site. So if you don't see a banner that says "your order won't ship until April of next year" then I'm likely at home. Bonus points if you're the patient type! If you're not, do better! You could be patient too!