retirementfund

One dollar patches forever!

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Average review rating is 4.8 or higher

Matt Gauck

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Announcement IF YOU WANT THIS FOR CHRISTMAS ORDER BY THE END OF DEC 15TH or else you won't see it for like two weeks after that. I'm taking off Dec 16th - Dec...27th? Maybe? I'm not sure. BUT YOU GET THE POINT! thank you <3

Announcement

Last updated on Dec 5, 2022

IF YOU WANT THIS FOR CHRISTMAS ORDER BY THE END OF DEC 15TH or else you won't see it for like two weeks after that. I'm taking off Dec 16th - Dec...27th? Maybe? I'm not sure. BUT YOU GET THE POINT! thank you <3

Items

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Featured items

ANTI FASCIST PATCH death metal or black metal or grindcore but the point is its not white metal

$1.00

Bestseller

INDECENCY is not in the clothing but in the gaze PATCH gets you thinking huh

$1.00

Bestseller

GOODNIGHT WHITE PRIDE patch

$1.00

Bury Me With Books Bookmark SCREENPRINTED by me also drawn by me

$1.00

Bestseller

All Items

MICHAEL PATCH screenprinted and stalking Jamie Lee Curtis allover your neighborhood

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

ANARCHIST moon the only boss I listen to PATCH

$1.00

NOSFEARAT YOU PATCH the king of old school horror this movie is so freaking good and so freaking old also

$1.00

11 people have this in their cart

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it

$1.00

12 people have this in their cart

GO AWAY PATCH brass knucks for boppin somebody in the nose to make them leave

$1.00

18 people have this in their cart

FIGHT ORCS not wars PATCH finally you crass loving dungens and dragns nuts have an image you can stand behind

$1.00

MOON GODDESS tarot card PATCH whoa its mother nature and she's a witch cooooooool

$1.00

8 people have this in their cart

DEER SKULL oooh witchy and cool and spiderwebby and spooky but also thoughtful you know PATCH

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

SAINT Mike patch horror straightforward blah blah blah

$1.00

HORROR PATCH pretty straightforward not very creative they can't all be winners can they

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

MONKEY debating a human skull in that post apocalyptic way we all know and love PATCH

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

$1.00

16 people have this in their cart

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

$1.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

DEATHSHEAD MOTH aka the Acherontia otherwise known as that thing from the cover of that movie I forget PATCH oops haha

$1.00

11 people have this in their cart

SNAKE astral tarot card PATCH the slithering fate comes down from on high my friends

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

MEDUSA PATCH its little so dont expect my usual essay on what I drew here and 7000 thoughts on that topic

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

skull growing a plant PATCH

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

Holy F wording S word OWLS patch

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

BACKPATCH Giant lizard squashing humanity because we deserve it PATCH

$7.00

3 people have this in their cart

THE THANG PATCH no not the fantastic fore lego man I mean a Carpenters horror opus thing

$1.00

15 people have this in their cart

BACKPATCH no gods no masters no bedtimes life rules so do skateboards and backpatches

$7.00

Over 20 people have this in their cart

ELEMENTS hand patch kinda witchy and also kinda spooky but mostly just fun

$1.00

MEGA DEAL 35 patches for only 25 dollars exclamation point

$25.00

11 people have this in their cart

Peaks backpatch LODGE punk and back patchy

$7.00

INJUSTICE LARGE PATCH theres a bunch of words here so just look at the image

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

SAINT JASON as in jason the patron saint of killing teens and definitely not swimming horror PATCH

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

Support your local girl gang patch take THAT you stupid mansplaining dumb dumbs

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

I heart my VCR vhs pride PATCH also the vestron logo

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

BEGOTTN HORROR PATCH easily the most unpopular item on etsy God Is Dead All Hail Nature

$1.00

6 people have this in their cart

SAVE THE EARTH patch bankrupt a corporation who are we kidding thinking recycling is helping enough to make a difference

$1.00

10 people have this in their cart

HEADHUNTER WITCH BACKPATCH ooh I did it again and this time it's a backpatch

$7.00

6 people have this in their cart

BRAINS zombie PATCH send more cops

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

COPCAR flipped over and a tree growing out PATCH

$1.00

3 people have this in their cart

mother nature black metal patch diy and dark as heck

$1.00

7 people have this in their cart

BLACK metal LIBERATION PATCH heehee

$1.00

5 people have this in their cart

BLACK METAL XXX patch finally a decent straightedge patch that doesn't take itself too seriously much like me

$1.00

4 people have this in their cart

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Contact shop owner

Matt Gauck

Reviews

Average item review

(36411)

See reviews that mention:

Gauge on Dec 7, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Incredible patch and some of the best designs out there

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it

HORROR PATCH oooh political I get it
Scott on Dec 7, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Excellent Patch! LOVE them all!

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here
Scott on Dec 7, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Awesome patches and exactly what I wanted! Really fast shipping too!

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me
India on Dec 7, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Great - thank you :) very reasonably priced

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here

BAT PATCH really what else do you expect me to write here
Oli on Dec 7, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

My fourth time ordering a bunch of patches from this shop. Fantastic as always. My fav patch shop <3

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Taliesin on Dec 7, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

sick as hell patch thats well made and shipped quickly, im so excited to gift it my friend!

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me

BIRD SKULL PATCH what kind of bird well I completely forget maybe one of you is an ornithologist and can remind me
Vincent on Dec 6, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

I was kind of surprised about how big it was, so make sure you check the description because I did not. I will just find something else to put it on! Also, I showed it to my mom and she asked me what it means. Homie, it's just a bird. Good print.

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are

RAVEN PATCH do I really need to write anything else here well I can't stop, so here we are
Malena on Dec 8, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Super cool patch! Nice quality and the printing is well done.

NEVER AGAIN PATCH keep abortion safe and legal it's 2018 how does anyone see this as new information

NEVER AGAIN PATCH keep abortion safe and legal it's 2018 how does anyone see this as new information
glitter on Dec 8, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Love the patch! N awesome thank you note. Only issue was shipping took foreverrrr.

take nothing leave everything screenprinted BACK PATCH pro earth anti stupid recycle yourself

take nothing leave everything screenprinted BACK PATCH pro earth anti stupid recycle yourself
Elly on Dec 8, 2022

5 out of 5 stars

Amazing and super fast shipping! I love my new patches

GROW FOOD PATCH so cute but also so good an idea

GROW FOOD PATCH so cute but also so good an idea

About retirementfund

Sales 192,982

On Etsy since 2011

Your orders now come in hand colored envelopes, courtesy of my wonderful partner! Be blown away by her artistic depth!
They just get better and better!

Printing stuff in my bedroom since 1995

Quick story, in blastbeat speed:

- My dad got me a screenprinting kit in 1995
- I messed up screenprints for years
- Eventually I got sorta good at it
- Most animal rights / veg patches are recycled images from a million years ago
- I was all "I think I can do better than that"
- I did!
- When you're doing things DIY, they should be cheap
- My shop name is a joke
- I hope that's clear
- Symbol crash! Story over!

Shop members

Matt Gauck

Owner, Total Genius

I'm some guy who draws and paints a lot. I ride my bike a lot. DIY for life! Corporate ANYTHING can touch my butt!

Shop policies

Last updated on May 9, 2022

I do everything myself! I love reusing and reducing even more than I like recycling! I ride my bike a lot! I sometimes like screenprinting. If your order has a piece of hair stuck in the tape on the back, it's because my beard is super thick and goes crazy sometimes! Count yourself lucky, and sell my dna on ebay for all I care! Who cares let's move on!

Accepted payment methods

Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits

Returns & exchanges

See item details for return and exchange eligibility.

Cancellations

Cancellations: not accepted

Please contact the seller if you have any problems with your order.

Payment

I'm super approachable in real life and strive to do the same over the internet. It's NOT the same, but still. I prefer to be paid in whatever method works for you. If you think you want something then don't, that's totally fine. Email me with ANY problems, seriously, I will respond.

Shipping

I ship everything USPS, typically in white envelopes that are hand stamped with my return address. I try to get the out within about 3-6 days - I usually let etsy take up about 3 days of my week, between reprinting, filling orders, and heat setting. I don't do insurance or confirmation, unless you REALLY REALLY think you want it, which I really don't think you do. These are patches, not priceless works of art.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING about the cost - My goal here is to make ONE DOLLAR on each patch. That's my whole deal (save backpatches, which are bigger obviously). Anyway, the extra cost in shipping goes to cover things like the Etsy fees (there are more than one) and the Paypal percentage taken out of your payment. So if you get an order with just one stamp, and wonder why you paid 2 dollars in shipping, that is why. Hidden fees! They're everywhere! But you can get around those if you are smart. Seriously, just think about it. Let me know if you have questions. I write back to everything.

Additional policies and FAQs

TSHIRT INFORMATION: I switched all the black shirts over to ROYAL APPAREL BRAND shirts, which are organic, and USA made. No sweatshops, no messed up crap that comes with most manufactured things. I'm going to switch the grey ones over to Royal soon, but I gotta sell off the Gildan ones first. I mean, what can I do with 60 blank shirts for myself? Nothing helpful, that's what.

CUSTOM ORDER INFORMATION: I don't do custom orders! UNLESS you want over 50 of the same patch, at which point, yeah, go ahead and email me. I might be interested. MAAAAYBE.

OH OH OH THIS IS IMPORTANT sometimes I go on tour with my bicycle for weeks at a time, or with a band for weeks/months. I leave my shop open, which means you can still order stuff, but it also means you don't get it for awhile. HOWEVER if this is the case, I will do my best to make it VERY clear on the front page of my etsy site. So if you don't see a banner that says "your order won't ship until April of next year" then I'm likely at home. Bonus points if you're the patient type! If you're not, do better! You could be patient too!