Where child-like art and cautionary tales collide.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

somnambulant is currently not selling on Etsy We’re here if you need help with an order from this shop. Have questions? Visit our Help Center.

somnambulant is currently not selling on Etsy

We’re here if you need help with an order from this shop. Have questions? Visit our Help Center.

Shop policies

Last updated on February 26, 2014

Q: The serial killer cards are OK, but $5 seems expensive. Who do you think you are, stinkin' Hallmark?

(NOTE: These cards now have their own shop!

A: I know, I know. It's a lot of wad to fork over for a Christmas card, but I need the profit to pay off my bookie---er---to pay for supplies.

On the serious tip, the cards are made to order with thick card stock. The poem is printed, then cut to size, wherein it is then hand pasted onto a larger black card. Then the serial killer's mug is cut by hand (my hand, my poor arthritic hand) with scissors that desperately need greased, and then THAT is adhered to the front. The inside of the card is also hand cut and adhered.

What I'm trying to spell out is that these cards are a labor of love. I don't have a printing press or a dyecutter to do the job for me. Each poem/snide remark was crafted by my own warped brain, and then my subservient manslave/boyfriend provides a second pair of hands in the production line, i.e. hunched over the dining room table.

I'm very grateful to the fine folk out there who have been supporting this endeavor thus far, you guys rock. I mean, you're a bit askew for wanting to send out such chilling Christmas cards, but I love ya all the same!

Hopefully I can find a faster way to produce the cards, at which point the cost will come down. Like gas!

Q: Do you write those stories yourself? They're weird.
A: Mostly I plagiarize them from
Kidding! I write them myself, usually in a sleep-deprived haze. Then months later I find a dozen typos and chortle accordingly.

Q: Can I get a print made of something that has already been sold?
A: Send me a convo with the name of the piece and what size you were thinking and we'll work something out.

Q: Do you believe in unicorns?
A: Absolutely. And mermaids too. I'm skeptical about that God entity though.

Accepted payment methods

Paypal Visa Mastercard American Express Discover Apple Pay Klarna Giftcard
Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits
Please complete your transaction within three days via PayPal. If payment is not received by then, I will cancel the sale and relist the item, unless you notify me to make some sort of payment arrangement. I'm a nice person and don't bite, so please don't hesitate to contact me if you need to wait a few days to complete the transaction.
I ship everything USPS First Class. Occasionally, shipping ends up being a little less than what I've guesstimated, and in that case, you will be issued a refund for the difference via PayPal. I'm an honest person, just kind of dumb when it comes to calculating shipping rates.
Additional policies and FAQs
I have no problem reserving items, so if there is something you like but can't purchase it right away, please convo me and we will work something out. I aim to please!