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I’m going to be very upfront about something here: I haven’t read the Twilight books and I haven’t seen the Twilight movie. I can’t, really, because everyone I know who’s read them becomes immediately enraptured and enthralled and infatuated (you know it’s true) and unfortunately my mental obsession portfolio is still full of all the V C Andrews I read in high school. When it comes to avant-garde romantic fiction, I’m at max capacity.

But I can still appreciate a good unconventional hero. Allow me to introduce Edward Cullen the Sock Zombie Puppet.

How do you make America’s sexiest protagonist even sexier? Well, you make him even more dangerous, obviously! I mean, if being a vampire is hot, then being a vampire AND a zombie is infinitely hotter. Now there are THREE ways Edward Cullen can kill you: 1) drink your blood, 2) eat your brains, and 3) overwhelm you with sexual tension.

Much like the actual Edward Cullen, Edward the Sock Zombie Puppet can’t be bothered to worry much about his madcap bronze hair—he’s much too busy valiantly fighting baser urges and falling profoundly in love. His eyes are the golden color of the sated so your blood (and brains) are temporarily safe. Edward’s trademark pea coat is handmade from wool felt and is conveniently sleeveless so your thumb and pinky can get down to business.

His outfit is completely removable, meaning you can gaze at him naked to your heart’s content. Which you’ll want to do outside, obviously, since Edward the Sock Zombie Puppet sparkles in the sunlight.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some Flowers in the Attic fan-fic that needs editing.

Edward is a custom order and takes 3 - 5 days to create.

Edward Cullen the Sock Zombie Puppet

$25.00 USD
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  • Handmade item
  • Made to order
  • Ships worldwide from United States
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