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The Tenth Ugliest Necklace in the World

The Tenth Ugliest Necklace in the World

Description

This unusual, unrepeatable and unspeakably hideous piece was my entry in the wonderfully eccentric Ugly Necklace Contest last year; it made it through to the semifinals and was placed tenth overall. (This year I'm delighted to say that I was the winner - look out for 'The Story of my Beading Life' in the shop in September!)
It’s a giant-sized take on a charm bracelet and makes a person-sized necklace, formed from robust seed beaded links hung with heart-shaped wire charms, each decorated with a pair of handmade lampwork figures or animals. It was made on Valentine’s Day 2008, hence the romantic theme. Plastic letter beads are strung together in a charm that spells out the original title of the piece, ‘I Let Our Love Sing… F’, which is of course an anagram of ‘Revolting Fuglies’.
(What is a Fugly, you ask? Well, it is a technical term for an art glass bead that has turned out, erm, VERY ugly despite its maker’s best efforts. Here are 42 of the UK’s very finest specimens kindly donated by their makers: handmade, kiln-annealed, cleaned, and hideous! )

The necklace is best summed up by the poem that accompanied the contest entry:
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I Let Our Love Sing – F(orte)

Once upon a blowtorch an artist made a pig.
A pretty pink color, and not very big.
She took one look at him and said “Bad luck,
But your face looks like it was squashed by a truck,

I tried my best, but this hideous creation
Will destroy my perfectionist reputation.
There’s nothing I can do, you’ve turned out so ugly,
I’m afraid you’re what lampworkers call: A FUGLY!”

Upon another workbench some aliens appeared.
Green, blue, spotty, distinctly weird!
“Oh dear,” said their maker, “you didn’t turn out right!”
And she hid them in her Fugly Box out of sight.

Every maker has a Fugly Box, dark and quiet,
With Fuglies who’d escape if they only dared try it,
They dream of being made into jewelry someday,
But for this hopeless lot there seemed just no way…

BUT THEN…
Mad beader Lynn had a great idea
To make an Ugly Necklace that will WIN this year!
On a lampworkers’ forum she put up a post:
“Your Fugliest Beads are what I want the most!”

Beadmakers are a lovely and generous crew:
They donated wonky rainbows and burnt trees too,
And green shapeless lumps that beggared belief
And looked like what you’d find in your handkerchief!

Lynn’s Fugly Collection became world-class:
So much hideousness made of glass!
Mutant birds, floppy flowers, bent butterflies,
Lots of things with no noses or too many eyes.

But still Lynn was missing the vital theme
To realize her Ugly Necklace dream.
Then up popped a plastic knitting charm and said “Look, stupid,
Just put me in your Fugly Box and I’ll play Cupid!”

It was Valentine’s Day, there was romance in the air,
And the Fuglies got together, pair by pair,
Car Crash Piggy was the first to leap
Into happy union with No-Nose Sheep.

The Green and the Blue Aliens were naturally matched
And Red Bird and LadyBird were easily attached;
But some of the other ones were very much harder,
Just too Fugly to inspire much ardour!

Pink Warty Alien and Snowblob Person
Their Fugly looks had just been cursin’
But now they’re an item, and right nearby
Blue Lizard Bead Sitting Thingy fell for ButterFfly.

Jaundiced Kidlet is quite new on the block
And Tonsured Baby thinks she rocks!
In her new wire necklace he finds her quite beguiling –
And believe it or not, her yellow face is smiling!

Mutant Dragon Budgie went hopping around
To see whether true love by him could be found.
Now he’s enjoying a cuddle and a snog
With bulging, bug-eyed Splat-Mouthed Frog.

Last and loneliest, the Goddess heard a humming.
A one-eyed mutant like a Dalek was coming!
“My Eye!” he cried, “I do declare
You look like Homer Simpson – but I DO NOT CARE!”

So now they’ll be together till the end of time,
Lynn stitched romantic charms for them and wrote this rhyme.
Even REVOLTING FUGLIES can be by love transformed –
Now I LET OUR LOVE SING – F(orte)
And let your heart be warmed!

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If this necklace finds a new home, a donation of $200 will be made to the ‘Smile Train’ organization, who work to help children with facial deformities. When my beloved grandmother passed away last year at the age of 99, she asked that donations in her memory be made to this good cause – Granny never got to see this piece but I know it would have made her laugh!

Added on Sep 15, 2009