📥 PREFER TO PRINT IT YOURSELF? Get the instant digital download version here:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/4540962094/parks-and-rec-andy-dwyer-birthday-card?ref=listings_manager_grid

⚠️⚠️ READ THIS BEFORE YOU MESSAGE US ABOUT SHIPPING

First Class Mail does NOT come with real USPS tracking. It’s basically regular stamped mail.

Yes, Etsy says “tracking.” No, it’s not accurate.

If it says “Delivered,” there’s a solid chance it’s still on the way.
If it says “Pre-Transit,” there’s a solid chance it’s already moving.

It’s glitchy. We don’t control it. Blame the system, not the card shop.

📦 Want real tracking?
Upgrade to USPS Ground Advantage or Priority Mail.
That’s the only way to stalk your package properly.

🐢 Speed check:
First Class is slow.
Average: ~5 business days.
Reality: Sometimes 14+ business days.

If you need it fast, don’t gamble on the cheap option.

Custom Printed Message Instructions:
Alright, genius, if you've picked a card with a custom message (because you're obviously too cool for our pre-made ones), slap that message in the notes section before you bail to checkout. And hey, check your spelling, will ya? We're printing it as-is, typos, and all - because we believe in your unique brand of chaos.

Card Material: This isn't your grandma's cardstock. It's Premium White, Thick, A6 size - because we're fancy like that.
Printing: Done with a high-quality printer, not a potato.
Envelope Included: Yep, it fits the card. A6-sized, for those who care.
Cellophane Sleeve: Each card is entombed in plastic, like a prized action figure. Shipped in a rigid envelope, because we don't do bent cards.

SHIPPING: (a must-read)
We move at the speed of a sloth on vacation. Orders go out in 1-3 business days.
Shipping options via USPS, because we're basic:
USPS Standard Mail/Stamps (cheap, NO TRACKING, estimated delivery date not guaranteed)
USPS Ground Advantage (with tracking, estimated delivery date not "really" guaranteed)
USPS Priority Mail (pricey, with tracking)

We ship on time. Period. If your order's taking a little longer to arrive, blame the postal service, not us-we don't hand-deliver with wings. ETSY's "expected delivery" dates are just hopeful guesses, not hard deadlines.
So hang tight. It's called snail mail for a reason.

Return and Refund Policy:
Customized cards? No backsies. Once you hit that purchase button, it's out of your hands and into the void.
Non-customized cards: Got regrets? You've got 14 days from when it lands on your doorstep. Return it like it never happened, original packaging and all.
Got a Problem?

Tough cookies. But fine, email us. We'll see what we can do.

Thanks for choosing us, you brave soul.

Copyright Disclaimer:
Just so we're clear: you're paying for our time and mad skills, not for the fancy characters on the card. We don't own them; we just play with them. No endorsements, no licenses, just pure, unadulterated fan love.

Language Reminder:
English, please. It's the only language we speak without accidentally cursing.