DamnAverage

I went to hell and all I got was terrible wordplay

Bolingbrook, Illinois · 4144 Sales

DamnAverage

I went to hell and all I got was terrible wordplay

Bolingbrook, Illinois 4144 Sales On Etsy since 2011

5 out of 5 stars
(1338)

Announcement   Prices will be increasing on a fair amount of toys at the end of the month due to increasing costs of business and living.

Random Critters and Grab Bags can be found at https://damnaverage.com/
Read this announcement! Read the FAQ!

I will most likely not respond to inquiries that are answered by reading this or any other info on my page or Twitter (@DamnAverage)

SHIPPING redux:
Etsy changed its back end a little while back. There used to be a better indication that I didn't completely mess up the tracking info, but it is not there anymore and I do spit out a typo from time to time. If your tracking number is missing a number or has too many I apologize.

CUSTOMS:
Made to order toys are limited and only found at damnaverage.com
Next Made to Order options will be for Marbled March

AS A NOTE:
I am living with a smoker again, although they have cut down significantly. I am keeping all items in bins at all times, but some smoke smell may be present on packaging, bags, and possibly a hint on items. A good working solution I've found is to place the toy/critter in a similar sized container to it and fill it with damp baking soda, allow to rest for at least a week to two. It is not a surefire solution but it helps a LOT. Further bleaching, or boiling (not both at once), will help further. Airing out is also good.

Products for adult (18+ or 21+ where applicable) use only.

Buyers are responsible for reading this space, my policies and all of the listing information.

Announcement

Last updated on Jun 15, 2018

Prices will be increasing on a fair amount of toys at the end of the month due to increasing costs of business and living.

Random Critters and Grab Bags can be found at https://damnaverage.com/
Read this announcement! Read the FAQ!

I will most likely not respond to inquiries that are answered by reading this or any other info on my page or Twitter (@DamnAverage)

SHIPPING redux:
Etsy changed its back end a little while back. There used to be a better indication that I didn't completely mess up the tracking info, but it is not there anymore and I do spit out a typo from time to time. If your tracking number is missing a number or has too many I apologize.

CUSTOMS:
Made to order toys are limited and only found at damnaverage.com
Next Made to Order options will be for Marbled March

AS A NOTE:
I am living with a smoker again, although they have cut down significantly. I am keeping all items in bins at all times, but some smoke smell may be present on packaging, bags, and possibly a hint on items. A good working solution I've found is to place the toy/critter in a similar sized container to it and fill it with damp baking soda, allow to rest for at least a week to two. It is not a surefire solution but it helps a LOT. Further bleaching, or boiling (not both at once), will help further. Airing out is also good.

Products for adult (18+ or 21+ where applicable) use only.

Buyers are responsible for reading this space, my policies and all of the listing information.

DamnAverage

Contact shop owner

DamnAverage

View all 53 items

Reviews

Average item review
5 out of 5 stars
(1338)
arnelda9

arnelda9 on Jun 19, 2018

5 out of 5 stars

This Krampus has amazing detail - it really looks like Pietersite stone as described! Included in my shipment was my order from her site - a stunning marbled alien, Belphad and Snail (and gift) - all are works of art. Everything was packaged well, shipping was fast and discreet. Sheep has true talent!

Megg

Megg on Jun 7, 2018

5 out of 5 stars

Love it! It was discounted due to air bubble issues. Honestly the imperfections are barely noticeable! BEAUTIFUL color! I LOVE this design/mold, I have it in another coloration.

Sorbet

Sorbet on Jun 1, 2018

5 out of 5 stars

Incredibly cute, amazing pour with beautiful marbling. Toy was exactly as described and is adorable!!

View all 1338 reviews

Shop policies

Last updated on May 18, 2018
Hello! Welcome to my little corner of the world!
All of my adult toys, critters, and stress relievers are hand-sculpted and hand-cast by one person - me. I strive for organic designs that flow with the body for comfort and pleasure, followed by an appeal to fantasy in shape, and an extraordinary exploration of color fusions. All of my products are cast in platinum cured silicone from a provider that has tested for safety in prolonged mucous membrane application. My color choices and marbles are all pieces I put a lot of thought and consideration into and I am proud of their positive impact on my synesthesia.
I generally do not apply personal characters to representational toys for the sake of allowing my customers to associate any model with anything of their choosing. Personally I have teratophilia and to me everything is a monster or alien or demon or...you get the picture.

Do keep in mind that as a one person operation, every aspect of this is run solely by me.

Accepted payment methods

  • Accepts Etsy Gift Cards and Etsy Credits
Returns and exchanges
I gladly accept cancellations
Request a cancellation: before item has shipped
I don't accept returns or exchanges
But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.
I do not currently offer returns or full refunds on a received product. If you find your product faulty, let me know and we will figure out a good solution.
Payment
Accepted payment methods: Direct checkout (credit/debit, Etsy's PayPal, Etsy's gift card balances). Payments are to be made up front. I am not comfortable taking partial payments or holds. Please no impulse purchases.

If you have questions, concerns, or a need for partial refund, you must get in contact with me.
Shipping
All items are shipped DISCREETLY in plain white (or other if size requirements need it) boxes, and the return address is hand-written and is a pseudonym and PO Box. Customs forms for out-of-country packages list the contents as a sculpture.

Shipping is to occur within the dates given on your invoice, but I occasionally fall behind and I apologize for that. In the case of delays (that is, getting shipped outside of the two week window), I will keep updates posted on my profile page and often in my shop announcement. Please check those first before inquiring about delayed shipping.

International customers are responsible for being aware of their countries shipping laws and any possible customs fees. You will not receive a refund on shipping if your package is returned to me due to your refusal to pay customs as set by your country.
Additional policies and FAQs
Buyer assumes responsibility for safely using products created with intention of insertion. I am not responsible for injury caused by misuse/misjudging of toys nor use of stress relievers for insertion, or other unintended purposes.

By purchasing, buyer agrees that they are of age (18 or 21+ depending), and that they have read the listing, my profile, and policies IN FULL.

No tolerance for abuse: I am entitled at my discretion to refuse service and/or contact to anyone who is abusive.

More information

Last updated on May 18, 2018
Frequently asked questions

Are you open for custom orders?

Custom orders, designs, and made to order toys are not available at this time.

Is there a list for all DamnAverage toys?

This list is outdated and you need a tumblr, I need to make another on my site instead and will put that here when I do: http://damnaverage.tumblr.com/catalogue

How do I use the (x)?

Jokingly asked about many of my critters. They are stress relievers and are obviously not intended to go into any orifice of your body.

Are items shipped discreetly?

Yes! All items are shipped in a plain white (fancy) or brown (less fancy) box (I am switching over to the fancy ones as they are great for reusing and sturdier). The label has a printed pseudonym and PO Box for a return address and your address will be hand written. It looks like a package from a friend, but if you need to disguise anything from prying roommates I highly recommend picking up critters or grab bags with your order.

What are the differences in First Class and Priority International?

You can find the full information on USPS' website, https://www.usps.com/international/mail-shipping-services.htm however the short of it is that First Class is cheaper, takes longer, and you will receive a customs number but NOT a tracking number.

Care instructions

WASH YOUR ITEM(S) FIRST.
Wash after use, allow to air dry or pat dry, do not put away wet.
-Boil toys/critters for 10 minutes, do not let them touch the side of the pot as the heat may be high enough to damage them.
-For a more industrial clean, use a bleach solution (follow instructions on bleach). This kills mold if, for example, you leave snails in your shower for extended periods. Do NOT boil and bleach simultaneously.
-Store upright if possible, silicone will retain impressions or folds (some impressions lessen via rubbing). Can be stored next to other platinum silicone, but recommended you store all items in individual bags. Do not store with other materials (please don't buy jelly or pvc anyway as they are bad for your health).

Can you teach me to make toys?

Sorry, no. Nothing personal. There are a myriad of free tutorials available from the amazing professionals at Smooth-On and I highly recommend checking them out for any of your molding and casting questions.

Firmness Descriptions

My available firmnesses are:
OO30 - comparable to fresh gummy candy although bouncier
OO50 - comparable to slightly stale gummy candy although bouncier
~8a - firmer than gummy things, softer than erect tissue and very bendy
10a - comparable squeeze to erect tissue but much bendier